Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All Done

We will no longer be posting on this blog. We have begun a new blog at a new site.
Thanks, friends.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Just a few finishing touches...

We have made some decisions regarding this little blog of ours. I don't want to throw it all out there without discussing it with the Racer, so I won't be sharing many details. But, I can tell you that we did decide to create a whole new blog. Jenn worked tirelessly on a design and we have a great new layout! We are putting some finishing touches on the page and then we will need to actually write something Then we can share the details with those who are interested.

Unveiling soon...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

a work in progress

That title could mean so many things in my life, but I am talking about this blog specifically. My lovely and talented neice (she loves it when I refer to her in that way) Jenn is designing a new blog page for us. We will post more details once it's ready to be revealed. But, just know that it's going to be adorable based on her work!

We have done some soul searching and have made some decisions about what we want from our blog and can't wait to reveal it soon.

In the meantime, some cute stories from my kiddos:
The Cutie started preschool and loves it like I knew she would. She now has imaginary friends. It's so cute. She calls them her fake friends and she likes them to stay the night. Her new best friend at school "talks spanish". She is really becoming independent of her mama. And she is so confident. It's one of the many things I love about her.

Our little guy has grown to ginormous proportions. He is smiling and laughing and sleeping through the night. He brings much joy to our family. Each and everytime I take in his hefty girth, I am overwhelmed. You would never guess this little guy was born 6 weeks early, was skin and bones and that I was told the morning before his birth that they did not think his lungs were fully developed yet. I am confident that the Lord has big plans for each and every one of our lives. And I am so grateful to see His fingrprints all over this 4 month olds life already.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

helloooo...anyone there?

So, umm, yeah...we are slacker bloggers. Lots of life has happened over the summer, and we have been debating on why we even do this and what we wanted this here blog to be about. You see, it started out as a weight loss blog and morphed and then, well, we've just been discussing what in the world are we doing?

All that to say, we'll be back. We are revamping, remodeling, and refocusing.

Not that anyone is out there anymore...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

He Lives...and so do we.

Why don't we write on here more? I have no idea. Life is busy. I no longer have internet at home. I have so much going on in my head that I am not ready to put out there for all the world to read. But, today has been a big day. And it's only 10:15am.

  • My daughter's bus schedule came in the mail today. She starts preschool in less than 2 weeks. She is so adorably excited. When I checked the mail this morning and received the bus time, she asked to hold the card. She set it down in her lap, placed her hands over her mouth and squealed, "I am soooo essited!" My heart turned into a puddle in that instant as I saw my little girl who has matured so quickly over the last 3 months. Being a big sister has really brought her into her own.
  • My little guy, who turned 3 months on Saturday, rolled over this morning from his stomach to his back. It made me a little teary as I considered his miraculous little life. Speaking of my "little" guy. He is getting so big! He is over 11 lbs and in the 25 percentile. That's a huge increase from the 4lbs 10oz at birth. A couple of other babies have been born at our church. He looks so giant and so white compared to those dark skinned tiny little babies. They made for some adorable pictures!
  • My girl has become a little more fashion conscious these days. She looks more carefully at the colors to make sure they "match". Now, don't get me wrong. She doesn't actually match. If there is any shade of the same color family, to her it matches. This morning she put on some orange biker shorts, a pink tank top and a bathing suit on top that is 3 sizes too big. Now, it technically "matches" because the bathing suit has pink and orange in it. She has yet to allow me a picture, but if she does, I will be sure to post it. It's a doozie...
  • I continue to work with Dirty Jobs and I am so blessed to watch that boy grow and change. He has taken off in his language and social development and academically, well, I think he will be reading before you know it. I just love how he takes a label and blows the doors right off of it. Keep on going little man. I can't wait to see what your next year holds!
  • Other than that, life is full of smiles and giggles and dishes and difficulites, tantrums and money worries. But, we have got lots of memories in the making and I am oh-so-thankful for the opportunity to watch my kids grow. I am so grateul that even in these difficult economic times, that I still get to be the one who cares for my kids each day. They change so fast. And I am trying to recognize the blessings in all of it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Prodigal

Our pastor has been preaching the past 2 weeks on the parable of the Prodigal Son. I can't say I have "enjoyed" it because the series has brought much conviction to my life. I can't seem to get it out of my head. And, frankly, I am at a place in which I feel a little annoyed at all the conviction. (Just keepin' it real, folks.) But, I don't ever want to knowingly ignore something the Lord is trying to teach me- even when it hurts. So, I feel the need to work it out a little here on "paper". I love how an old story that I have heard so many times can become new as something else is revealed that I never noticed before. The Lord's Word is so rich.

In all the years that I have read the story of the Prodigal Son, I have always noticed the parallels to our relationship to the Lord. We are the prodigal, He is the father. We recognize our need for Him. He, in His goodness and faithfulness and unconditional love, runs to us. He throws a party when another child willingly enters His kingdom. It's a great story. You can read it here in Luke.

Last week, the focus was on the role of the father. The father allowed the son to live as he chose. He did not heap guilt on the son for his choices. He gave his son the inheritance he asked for even though it brought much shame to his house in the eyes of the world. The father was willing to be undignified in front of others by running to greet his son. And, the father sees his son's heart upon his return. He never focused on his words or actions. He gave the son his best and celebrated. And the part that I haven't been able to get out of my mind...he fattened a calf in expectation that the son would return. This was when it really hit home. In some relationships in my life, I am the father. Not, The Father, but the father. Others have squandered my love for them. And how do I react? I say that I am expecting their return and that I will go to them in unconditional love. But, frankly, I expect that if I were to run to them today, I would bring some words of guilt and condemnation along with me. I certainly have not been "fattening a calf" in my expectation. So, while I may be the father in my role, I am certainly not the father in my actions.

And this week, the focus was on the older brother. I won't lie, when the pastor began, I didn't even want to hear what he had to say about this. I knew enough about the story to know that the brother was bitter and angry. And honestly, I am bitter and angry about some things in my life. The brother harbored unforgiveness in his heart toward his younger brother. The older brother not only harbored bitter feelings toward his brother, but also toward the father for his unconditional love. The brother was so focused on the work he did for his father's house, that he had lost sight of why it was important (the relationship). And, he was angry because his brother didn't deserve the attention he was getting. He hadn't earned it. He had squandered his father's riches and brought disgrace. Shouldn't he pay at least a little for that? And, more than anything, the brother was pouting and having a pity party because it was unfair that he had made the right choice and he didn't even get a goat for his own celebration. Yes, indeed, I can relate to the brother. And, then it was clear. In those same relationships, I am actually the brother. I say that I want the "lost one" to come home, but when I see them coming, I am bitter and angry and filled with feelings of injustice. I am unwilling to go out and greet them. I want them to have to make the walk alone as others watch. I want them to feel the weight of their choices. I feel as though I often make the better choice and then am jealous when I do not receive a party in my honor. For the first time, I can see deep into my heart. Inside I find some bitterness, unforgiveness, pride and a little bit of self-righteousness. Eeeww. As I type all this out, I am embarrassed by my attitude. I am tempted to delete those last few sentences, because it reveals a part of my heart that is ugly. A part that, frankly, I don't want others to know exists. But, I know that the Lord honors our efforts when we are willing to be honest and vulnerable. I want to change it. I want to cleanse the ugly parts of my attitude. The hope is knowing that God never puts me in a box. He always offers a better way. The brother was just as lost as the prodigal. And when he didn't come in to the party, the father came out to his son. The father did not get a bad attitude toward the older brother and ignore his antics. The good news is that God has not written me off just because I have an ugly attitude. He has an entire inheritance that already belongs to me because I am His. I have been failing to recognize the privileges I have as a daughter to the King. I don't need a party or fattened calf to celebrate. Each and everyday I get to live out the blessings of the Father's love. And, most importantly, he reveals His Word to show me the better way.

So, today, even though I have been living like the brother, I am striving to act like the father. And, I am confident in His ability to show me the way.

I am already anticipating the lesson in which my role as the prodigal becomes more clear.
And who knows which other roles we will learn about. Maybe the fattened calf...I am sure there is some spiritual lesson there to be had.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

happy birthday

Dear Dinoboy,

It's your sixth birthday today. I am having a difficult time reconciling that to myself.

You were the one who first made me an aunt. You taught me what it was to love other people's children like my own. And you were the first one to melt my heart with your spoken word. You will always be the one who cracks me up.

You have become such a boy. You love Star Wars and dinosaurs and Legos and guns. You love to run and jump and play. You are expressive and always have a story to tell. I don't think a week has gone by since you learned to speak that you haven't made me laugh out loud. Your heart is tender and sensitive yet you are as sarcastic as they come. It is a unique blend that makes you oh-so-special. You are an amazing big brother as you continue to honor your little brother's life. You are a fabulous cousin. You are loving and protective (not to mention, a little antagonistic). The Cutie looks up to you and copies your every move. I know you find it annoying now, but someday you will see the compliment in it. You are a very special boy and I can't wait to see what the Lord has for you in the years to come.

Happy Birthday.
I love you,
Aunt D.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Because I Can't Actually Say it This Well.

Hi. I'm the other author of this blog. The one who has been, well, absent.

Techno isn't my kryptonite, but some other things are.

I had this conversation with someone the other day.

Her: You look tired.
Me: I know.
Her: (Pointing to the bags under my eyes.)
Me: That's just how it is when you have young kids. I slept from 10:30 to 1:30 last night.
Her: That's really great. I am sure you really needed it.
Me: Huh? (blank stare)
Her: (Blank stare back at me)
Me: Oh. I slept from 10:30pm to 1:30am. I got 3 hours of sleep.
Her: Oh.
Me: (in my head)...as if I could sleep until 1:30 in the afternoon...ever.

It was a good reminder that, someday, I will get back to a normal sleep schedule and forget about this back-breaking tired that is the life of a mom with young kids.

I am not wishing it away, however. That would mean my kiddos were grown up.
And I am definitely not ready for that!

I'll take the tired so I can relish in these days of cuddles and kisses and tickles, etc.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


A friend sent me this link tonight. It really got me thinking.

My favorite line from the movie is when Caleb's friend tells him that fireproof doesn't mean that fires won't come, it means that you can survive the fire when it does come. My marriage has survived some fires. I'd like to say that it is fireproof.

We are currently in a fire- A raging, all-encompasing, 3 alarm fire. Some moments I feel as though I will suffocate from the lack of oxygen.

We are not the only ones present at the house fire. Our friends and family are there. Those who are standing with us through this time. Those who go to the Fire Marshall on our behalf. They stand on the ladder truck and fight with us, for us. They are willing to speak the hard truth, even when we don't want to hear it. They encourage us and pray to our Father. They feel the heat. Their hair is singed by the heat of the flames. They saw the flames begin to flicker. And they were right there with their garden hoses. They are the firefighers to our house fire. They refuse to give up until the flames are out. They recognize the intent of those flames is to kill us and they wage battle against them on our behalf. And I am oh-so-grateful.

There are others as well. There are the neighbors. They did not see the fire until it was fully raging. And, they are concerned. They see the firefighters are there and they are comforted. They see the fire, make some precautions to ensure the safety of their own home and come out to stand a safe distance away and watch. They send out a prayer for our safety. They want to be sure that we make it out alive. They smell of smoke.

And there are the onlookers. They work in the cafe across the street. They were too busy to notice the flames when they first began to flicker. And now that it's fully raging, they can see that someone else has already called 911. They stop what they are doing. They whisper a prayer of thanks that their home is safe and sound.

I have been each of these- the firefighter, the neighbor and the onlooker at times. And when our fire is out and the damage is repaired, I hope that I remember these lessons. God wants us to fight for marriage. Our own and others. There is no fire too big for Him. No fire that he can't "proof" us against.

As the fire still rages, the damage remains to be seen. But I am hopeful. Hopeful that when the last flame is snuffed out, our house will stand. Strong and steady. Fireproof. We won't have avoided the fires, but withstood them all.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Look who has a double chin!!

No...it's not me.

(I mean, I do...but that's not who we are talking about here.)

This little guy just blows my mind. 6 weeks ago today, he was just begining his life and he was skin and bones. Today, he has a double chin and some tiny rolls on his thighs.

It might be the extra calorie formula, or maybe it's all those mama kisses. Those add pudge don't they??

Friday, June 12, 2009

The best laid plans...

Yesterday was my due date. A few months ago, I was convinced that on this day, I would most likely be sitting here wondering when my baby boy's birthday was going to come. I figured I would be praying that I would not have to be induced again. And most likely, I would be hot, hot, hot - 10 months pregnant living on the surface of the sun. I figured that like his sister, he would keep us waiting and on this day we would be preparing for a LONG labor.

Well, I was wrong on all fronts. His birthday arrived 6 weeks early. I did not have to be induced. In fact, they had me lay in bed all day to try and slow the process as much as possible. I am still hot here on the surface of the sun, but instead I am post-partum. And, there was definitely not a long labor. With the Cutie I progressed from 2 to 10 in 18 1/2 hours. With Adorable- in 1 1/2 hours.

This baby boy rocked my world. I was in shock for days, maybe weeks, after his birth. He made it very clear that he was going to be his own person. He is not planning on copying his sister's every move. Not even close. And based on the past few months, I would say he doesn't want anyone trying to make plans for him. He is going to carve out his own way in this world.

A little bit about my little man:
The more noise, the better he sleeps. He is extremely portable. He sleeps well. He has himself on a strict every 3 hour eating policy. He has blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. He is perfectly cuddly. He is strong and healthy. He is our little miracle.

Lord, thank you for loving us enough to deny our plans for our baby boy. I know that you have a bigger, much better plan for his life than I could ever come up. Thank you for our miracle. Please give us the wisdom to raise him in such a way that brings honor to you. And Lord, remind us to teach him daily about you that he would grow to be a man who loves and honors God with his life. Amen.

Monday, May 18, 2009

some photos

 2 weeks old

 She loves to hold her baby brother.
Each morning she asks if he is bigger yet.  She
is really wanting a playmate.  He is bigger- 
 a pound up from his lowest weight, but not big enough
that she can see a difference...

1 week- I love how he sleeps with his hands by his face.
It's a family trademark.  All 4 of us do it.

CPT Adorable is home

I know I haven't updated on here much since our little guy's arrival.  My hospital and back home schedule were really hectic.  I have to say that it provided a nice transition though.  I was able to get some really good snuggle time with my little guy in and lots of one on one time with him before I had to share him with the world.  I was also able to spend a little more one on one time with the Cutie before we rocked her world just one more time.  I also had some quiet time to process.

The baby is doing great!  On Thursday I was able to bring him home.  He has fit into our family just perfectly.  His sister is a perfect mix of loving and adorableness and melting down freakiness.  She is having some obvious transitions, but overall, she is so happy to have him home.  She loves her baby.  Although, last night she asked me if we could get a different baby who was bigger so he could play with her :)

We go to our first dr appt this morning to check his weight.  I think he will gained as he has been eating really well the past 2 days.  He is a healthy little guy.  Even though he is still a month away from being considered a "term" baby, he doesn't know it.  He is keeping his own temperature, requires no oxygen and is feeding without any difficulties.  These are all typical problems with 34 week babies, and we have seen no residual effects.  Thank you all for your prayers!  Our God is so faithful.

When we were in the hospital, I kept singing him a song.  I hope to find the cd- if I could just figure out which cd it is on.  It is a veggie tales song about David and Goliath.  The chorus says, "Little guys can do big things too."  I can't wait to see what other exciting adventures the Lord has in store for his life.  I just know it's going to be great.  I mean, it must be, right?  He couldn't wait to get out here and get started...

Pictures to come soon.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Like Papa, Only Smaller

My Dad, at 5'6" wouldn't seem very intimidating. But to my 6'1" husband, he was...and sometimes still is. Some of my early childhood memories include my dad doing the demolition derby at the local fair, singing with my sister and I while he played the guitar, playing pranks while driving, and very passionately coaching my brother's baseball games. And by "passionately coaching" I mean he was ejected from more than one game during all star season. For my adult life, one of my Dad's pastimes has been drag racing his '55 Chevy that was originally bought to restore and go cruising. That lasted all of 6 weeks until he took out the back seat, added a roll cage and dropped a sweet engine in it. Don't ask me what kind...I have no clue. All that to say, I love my Dad's sense of adventure.
Quite a few years back, my Dad "retired" roller coaster riding because the coaster at the NYNY Hotel in Las Vegas freaked him out. I gotta say, that is a good one to retire on. However, since having grandchildren, he has been willing to jump on most Disneyland rides. The kids love that Papa will ride these with them, and that he always approaches them with much enthusiasm.
The picture above is myself, my Dad, the kids and Hubs as we plummet down Splash Mountain. You'll notice that my dad is the one with his arms way up in the air with the water splashing him in the face. And if you look two seats up, you'll find my son doing the same thing.
I hope he always takes on life this exact way.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Traveling - Local and Beyond.

A few weeks back our family of 4 went camping with our high school youth group. My Deadliest Catch and I work with the youth, and we just brought our kids along for the ride. Some things about camping:

  • Camping at "That time" requires a careful watch on your attitude. I did not do so well with that.
  • Teens and 4 year olds both enjoy flotation devices for the water with the same enthusiasm.
  • Camping in April local to where we live gets to be a little warm in the day and chilly at night.
  • S'mores. Hello, lover.
  • Campfire with teens is so much fun. Especially when Dinoboy falls.
  • One of our teens (who totally is amazing) carried an entire tree of firewood. She is one strong girl!
  • The stars. How can you not believe in a Creator when looking at the stars. Breathtaking.
  • My family was the only people who used the first aid kit. All 3 of them.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Just Because

Because you are beautiful, inside and out. Because you wear your feelings on your sleeve. Because you think your Daddy hung the moon. Because you love God's Word. Because you love animals, babies, and school. Because you would protect your brother from anything. Because you believe the best of people. Because your laugh is contagious. Because you reverse your letters. Because you are losing teeth faster than I have money to put under your pillow. Because you are quick to forgive. Because you mother anyone and anything. Because you love Jesus...

Because a diagnosis doesn't define you or your capabilities. Because you are smart. Because you are adventurous. Because you have the best smile. Because you say things like, "Be happy, Mommy" when you are in trouble. Because you pray to Jesus. Because you are always excited to see me. Because you love your Sissy. Because you think Grandma Poppa's house is the doorway to Disneyland. Because you would eat fruit all day long. Because you love computer games. Because you give 'Big Hugs." Because you have some fantabulous manners. Because you are beating the odds...

...I am one blessed Momma.


Things to take to the hospital when I go to feed the baby:

milk- check
pump accessories- check
camera- check
outfit for baby- check
bottle of water- check
mommy guilt- check. check.

I am finding it difficult to balance spending time with baby boy at the hospital and spending time with my girl at home.  I haven't even begun to try and get some time with my husband in the past 2 weeks.  I know that now that I am a mother of two, I will face this, but this situation I was so quickly thrust into has left me feeling quite inadequate.  I am ill prepared in how to divide my time between two little people who need me/want me so much and are in two seperate locations.  I will come up with a plan that seems to work and then the slightest thing has me doubting myself.  So, you know, like all the rest of motherhood...

I am still wading through the emotions of post-partum, dealing with the fact that I have a premature baby, pumping, pumping, pumping, and spending hours at a time behind a drawn curtain.  I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling.  It's all still very surreal.  I know others see it.  I am in a weird state of "I feel emotionless" and "I could burst into tears at any given moment."  And so, I feel the need to apologize.  I know I am not myself right now.  I don't know when I'll be back.  Other people see it.  They know I am not myself.  They get their feathers ruffled.  But, on the other hand, I feel as though they need to see beyond themselves and recognize that my world has been knocked completely off-kilter.  (I know, not a very gracious response- just keepin' it real.)

So, if you see me wandering around with a dazed and confused look on my face.  If you ask me a question and I can't even formulate and answer.  If I seem to be incapable of processing what you are saying to me.  If I write a post consisting of all sentence fragments.

Know that it's not you...it's me.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

It's Official...

...that little baby in the isolette warmer has stolen this mama's heart.

I don't think I have looked at him one time without the thought, "He is so beautiful" entering my mind. The Lord has chosen to bless our family with the most perfect little addition. I can't wait to see how all of this adds up to become his personality some day. He has rocked our world. He has, since the day we first learned of his existance, kept us wondering what lie ahead for our family. And now, as I look at this miniature baby, I wonder, "Where are we going from here?"

I don't have any idea. But, one look at that perfect little guy and I know it's going to be good.

And if my labor is any indication, it will be quite the exciting ride...

baby update:
Yesterday he was unable to leave the isolette most of the day because his temperature would drop upon leaving the warmer. But, this morning I was able to cuddle him for 50 minutes and we were able to keep his temp up. Yay! He also nursed for the first time this morning and did a great job. He latched on and stayed for 10 minutes. He slept about half of it, but it was great for the first time. He did not eat much through the night, so they are putting a feeding tube in this morning. He will continue to nurse in addition to the tube. They tell me this is almost always the rule with a 34 week baby. They end up burning more calories than they can take in while feeding. So, he has had a few setbacks now that we've past the 24 hr mark, but they had told us to expect that also. Overall, he is doing just what they expect a baby born 6 weeks early to do. So, we are pleased with his progress. The Lord knit him together in my womb and we know that He is continuing to "knit" each and every moment.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Guard your Ovaries!

Cpt. Adorable has Arrived!

Cpt Mom had an oh-so-speedy delivery. The little guy was born at 12:38am, weighing in at 4lbs 11oz. He is 19 inches long and has a very active set of lungs - Praise God! The Lord has answered our prayers with many yes' this evening/early morning and we are so, so grateful. He is so, so adorable.

Mama looks amazing, and seeing her hold that sweet thang just made my heart burst!

Please be praying for good sucking reflex for baby, maintenance of his strong lungs, and a fabulous introduction between him and the Cutie later on this morning. We want a healthy baby that can go home with Cpt Mom!

I'll post a picture later on (when I have one on my camera).

Friday, May 1, 2009

And she's off...

to Labor and Delivery!

Please be praying for Cpt Mom and Cpt Adorable. We need peace and high platelets for Mama, and strong lungs and body for Baby.

I'll update when I can.

Cpt Mom, you are one strong mama. You held onto this boy for 5 days (6 really) and that is so, so good. I am so proud of you and how you are walking this stage of your life with such grace. I can't wait to see that precious baby boy. I'm just positive he's gonna come out with God's fingerprints all over him. I love you, my friend.


Hospital Update: Day 5.

I had a long night's sleep last night. I have woken up by 3am every other day. So, a full 8 hours of sleep was quite magnificent! They have had me on the look out for any changes in my fluid. This morning, I had some changes. I was fearful that I may be developing a much dreaded infection. Thankfully, after much discussion with the nurses and after seeing the dr, they determined that there is no concern of infection. Yay!

I became a little emotional when I thought something might be wrong. It's funny how the emotions sneak up on me. I am a girl who tends to be a little out of touch with my emotions.

The dr told me today that they will test the fluid again on Monday to see if the lungs are mature. If they are, they will induce me on Tuesday. If not, I will be 35 weeks on Thursday and will be induced then. Apparently the advantage of leaving him in the womb with broken membranes no longer outweighs the risk of infection after 35 weeks. So, it seems as though we will have a baby next week. Wow! I still can't seem to wrap my mind around that.

Well, the newest development is that it seems I am showing signs of early labor. My contractions have picked up a wide pattern and I am showing signs of cervical activity. Since I didn't go into labor with the Cutie, I don't actually know what any of this means. My husband keeps asking me how long I think it will be now. I have NO idea. I haven't ever done this before. And they are having me lay flat and stay still to try to slow the progress. So, what does this mean? Again, I have no idea. I guess it means I could have a baby today, tomorrow, or next week. Because I am so unsure, I haven't even contacted the family to let them know. Because I just don't know what to say. "Umm, hi. I thought you might want to know that I may or may not be going into labor." That's not really helpful, now is it??

So, I guess I will just keep laying around and see if there are any new developments through the night...

Thursday, April 30, 2009

We climbed in the window!

We made it to our first milestone! We are now considered to be safely in the "steroid window". If baby boy had to be delivered today, his lungs would need much less help in functioning outside of the womb. Just typing that has brought me to tears. I had yet to cry since this entire situation began early Monday. I have been running on auto-pilot since that 2 am wake up call.

How am I feeling? It's the question so many have asked. And the answer is: I really don't know. I don't know if I am in shock, denial, confusion or peace. I think it is a little of all of those things.

Shock: I have had very little emotion about any of this. I have listened to and reported the facts. Very cut and dry.

Denial: I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I will not be leaving this hospital with this little guy inside of me. That by the time I go home, I will no longer be pregnant. I don't feel finished with this pregnancy. There is still too much to do. I have to reorganize the Cutie's room and make it a room for 2. I have to sort baby clothes. I have to finish my registry. We have to have our special time together as a family of three...

Confusion: Am I really going to be the mom of a premature baby? What does that mean? What does that look like? What will his needs be when he comes out? What will my postpartum hormones look like in light of all of this? I thought I would be more confident this time around. But, I sit here questioning my ability to mother a boy, to feed a baby who may not suck well.

Peace: The lack of total and complete freak outs must be evidence of the Lord's hand. I have yet to feel overly stressed about this whole situation. There are many unknowns, in regards to Cpt Adorable and our life situations in general. Yet, I feel little stress. So many are lifting our family to the Lord and He has been so faithful to continue to provide for our every need. I know that this little guy is exactly who the Lord wants him to be. I know he is just the right fit to round out our family of four. No matter what that looks like.

If any new developments occur, I will post about them when I can. And I will be sure to have the Racer keep you informed as to when this little guy is coming and a picture once he arrives. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. They make a tangible difference in our family.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Make him strong, Lord.

Well, I will avoid posting too much information here, because most of my readers know me in real life and have been kept up to date with texts and phone calls. But, for those of you who have not heard and just to document this crazy time in my life:

Monday at 2am, my water broke spontaneously. At 33 1/2 weeks. I was in complete denial. I kept trying to convince myself (and others) that I had just wet myself. Even when the triage nurse told me to be prepared to stay in the hospital if my water was broken, I couldn't think of even one thing to take to the hospital when you are having a baby. We had a whole suitcase when we delivered the Cutie, yet I couldn't think of even one thing. I called my bff to come stay with the Cutie and when we left I told her we would probably be back in a couple of hours when they determined I had, in fact, peed my pants. Well, long story short, I had not. My water was broken. My husband went into action and started making a list of all the things that need to be done before we can bring the baby home. (I have, of course, not done anything to prepare for bringing this baby home yet.) He asked me what else needed to be done. Again, I couldn't think of even one thing. I don't know if I was in denial or just shock, but I could not wrap my mind around the fact that this baby is coming out of me.

So, here I am in the hospital. I will be here until baby boy has made his arrival into the world. Tests have been run:

  • His lungs are immature. The steroids are running their course and by tomorrow morning, I will be in the "steriod window" where we will have past the first milestone that my doctor really wanted to acheive. Good job, baby boy!
  • The ultrasound shows that all his systems look good. His heart is pumping strong. His kidneys look good. Fluid levels are still in the safe range. And most exciting, the ultrasound determines that his approximate weight is about 5 pounds! That is a great weight for this stage.
  • And I have not begun any cervical effacing or dialating.

So, the goals for now are that I stay put in the hospital until this baby is born- hopefully the end of next week or later. I need to stay infection free in order to provide a safe home for him to reside. And, I need to stay in the bed to avoid a contraction pattern.

I am so thankful that the hospital brought me this laptop to borrow while I stay here. Everyone is so kind and gracious. Friends and family have brought me everything I could ever need and provided lots of hours of visits to keep the boredom away. Major Hunk and Cpl Cutie have been having a great time together. Things have been going really smoothly for them at home. We have had so many prayers lifted up on our behalf. I can feel the peace of the Lord surrounding us. I will try to keep posting updates as we get any new information.

On a lighter note, we are getting closer to giving this little guy a name. And, today the bff bought our little guy a onesie in honor of our little blog. It says Captain Adorable. So, even though it totally breaks rank and is all wrong from a military standpoint, we may have to adopt this pseudoname for now. Now that this little guy is becoming more real, he really does deserve a name.

I will be back another time to post less about the informational stuff and more about the personal journey I am experiencing as we walk through this uncertain time in our lives.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

An update of sorts

I like to keep both our readers updated, you know :)

  • While still having contractions on a daily basis, I have not had any regular pattern or any activity that has been concerning since Easter Sunday.  I wonder what it will say about this little guy's personality if he decides to stay put after all this??
  • Our girl is getting a speech evaluation this week.  The girl's got language covered.  She talks and talks...and talks.  But, she does have some sound production issues I want to have looked at.  And I won't lie, I am interested in some free preschool if she qualifies :)
  • Our family went to Sea World this weekend.  I have always loved amusement parks.  But, watching my daughter experience it was a special kind of beautiful.
  • Our truck broke down last week.  That cost a fortune.  Good times...
  • And the biggest news of all...Major Hunk and I have narrowed the name list to 3 possibilities.  This baby will have a name!
Other than these oh-so-exciting things, I continue to wait on the Lord.  With a new addition coming soon and all the changes that will bring, the enemy is really trying to induce fear in my life.  I will not succumb.  Yes, we still do not have full time income.  Our very small income is about to decrease by half when I stop working in 3 weeks.  And our budget will need to increase to account for the baby.  I am not even going to think about the medical bills...  But, my God has a plan.  None of this has taken Him by surprise.  He knows every step that my family is going to take in the next day, week, year and lifetime.  And even though when I list it all out here, it overwhelms me.  I will not live my life in fear.  My God has already claimed the victory and I will continue to stand (or allow Him to hold me up, depending on the day) and wait on Him to reveal His plan.  

And I know it's going to be good.  So much better than we could do on our own.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Dear Cpt Mom's Baby in Her Tummy,

I don't feel as if I can nickname you because you still don't have a real-life name. But trust me, you are going to have an impossible amount of nicknames.

I have gotten to see you twice via ultrasound, and let me tell you ~ you are a handsome little guy. I can't hardly wait to meet you outside the womb. I'll be getting some serious snuggle time in with you. For now, dear one, could you please stay put in utero for at least 3 or 4 more weeks? That would make your momma feel alot better. We're highly concerned at your occasional attempt to bust out of the joint. Dr. SuperDuperOBGyn is OK if you come in May, but not before then, OK?

You are going to be loved and adored by many, sweet boy. I'm so blessed to be apart of the group that loves you. I look forward with joy to discovering all the things that make you uniquely you. My prayer for you is that you will always be up for the adventure that life surely is, and that you will live life to the full with your God. And if you could sleep through the night at a very early age, that would be great, too.

I love you, little one. I'm so excited to see you soon.


Friday, April 10, 2009

Good Friday

Good Friday is a day that I believe gets a bad rap.  It is really a beautiful love story from God to His people.  It is violent and brutal and difficult to consider.  But, if there had been no Good Friday, there would be no Easter Sunday.  If Jesus hadn't died, He would not have been ressurrected.  And if not for the ressurrection, we would not have the promise of heaven.

Even though she is only 3, I have been discussing Jesus's death and ressurrection with the Cutie.  I am so amazed to see how much she "gets".  The other day I overheard he as she flipped through my bible saying: "And the people were mean to God.  It was sad.  He got up on Easter."  I was awed by her tender heart toward the Lord.  Awed by the fact that she could receive the Lord's word even when I do such a poor job explaining such a complicated and abstract concept.  

And my heart melts even more when I look in my rear-veiw mirror and see her singing her heart out to David Crowder Band's "Never Let Go".  That's what true worship looks like...

Happy Easter!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Little Romance

So, it's Sunday morning and I should be getting ready for church. "Getting ready" can get crazy around these parts. We go to a pretty casual church, so it's not like I have to find my best dress or anything, it's just the franticness of getting 4 of us out the door with teeth and hair brushed, extra wipes and a pull up, and all the other stuff. You know how it is to get our your door sometimes. That's how it is every Sunday.

Not this Sunday. This Sunday I am listening to the birds chirp and enjoying the coolness that is our extended Spring. I'm allowing myself to be swept up in the fact that this extended Springtime (seriously, we usually have 1 Spring day, then it gets hot and we have some cool evenings) is a gift to me. From God. At a time when my heart just needed something to be swept away in. And I didn't even know it.

I'm breathing deep, smiling, knowing I've already had church this morning. In the truest sense - where my relationship with God meets my reality in life.

I think I'm in love.

Friday, April 3, 2009

The Growing in Waiting

I have heard this song many times over, but one day, it fell fresh on my ears.  I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.  I am in a place of waiting.  Waiting and trusting.  And it is difficult.  I certainly have not mastered the art of serving while I am waiting.  And I definitely haven't mastered the patiently part.  But, it reminds me what I am striving for.  

If I was techy enough, I would get the music on here so you can hear it.  But I am not.   I hope you will google it and that it ministers to your heart as well.

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

© 2007 Travelin’ Zoo Music (ASCAP) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Another growing boy...

I just love the 3d ultrasound.  It really makes it feel like you get to see the baby.  A little more than just the bones, at least.

Our little guy is thriving, has a strong heartbeat and loves to jump around.

On Monday, I thought I was going into labor.  For a time I was having contractions every 5 min.  It was a long and stressful few hours.  But, after much laying on my left side, the contractions slowed and eventually stopped.  

It was the wake up call I needed.  Whether I feel like I am doing too much or not, my body clearly thinks that I am.  So, I am making myself rest even when I don't feel like I need to.  The result:  Yesterday I felt better than I have in weeks.  I had very few contractions and only a little back pain. 

Alright, lesson learned.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Growing Boys

Well, hello there. Long time, no blog... That is for a myriad of reasons,but instead of boring you with that, I thought I'd resurface with a picture of my two favorite boys.We took my Hubs to The Happiest Place on Earth for his birthday over Spring Break. Awhile back, my mom had gotten Hubs a t-shirt from there that says Judge Me By My Size, Do You? with a picture of Yoda on the back. The Hubs, well, he's a BIG fan of Star Wars, and by BIG fan, I mean OBSESSED. So anyhow, they had one in my little guys size and Grandma couldn't help but snatch that up for him. The funny part of this t-shirt is the fact that my boys are both tall people. My Hubs is 6'1" and our 4 year old is quite tall and is wearing a size 8 in this

So this is them, in line for Space Mountain. Which both of them love.
I'll be back to catch up soon!

Some middle of the night ramblings...

Well, here I am again.  I cruised on into bed around 12am to be awakened by the Cutie at 1am.  I haven't been able to go back to sleep ever since.  (it's almost 4am...)  I don't have any actual organized thoughts, like I had hoped I might.  But, here goes nothing. 

I really need to slow my life down.  I don't know how to do this.  I have so many things I need to get done and so many that I want to get done in a day, that I have a difficult time sitting with my feet up for more than a few minutes at a time before 7 pm.  On Wednesday, I had a day of rest.  I didn't leave the house and I spent some time reading and even dozed a little on the couch.  I did accomplish some things, but not much really.  I didn't wear my maternity belt for half the day and had very few contractions.  The days since then I have been up on my feet for most of the day and while not doing strenous activity, constantly on the go.  Each day since, I have had contractions even while wearing the belt all day.  Hello...See a connection??  Why, yes, maybe I do.  

This is where my head starts messing with me.  I see the value in resting more and doing less.  I feel it even,  I see that I could be, in fact, causing many of these symptoms by my lifestyle.  But, on some level, I still feel as though I am a failure as a wife and mom if I can't do it all myself.  If I can't do all the housework, take my daughter to the library, work, support friends, fix dinner and still be awake to spend time with my husband at the end of the day, that I have not lived up to my end of the bargain.  You know, that unspoken bargain I made with myself, my husband, my daughter and my friends.  

The part where it really gets tricky for me is that, I believe, some people in my life also feel this way.  I feel judged if I don't do all the things I set out to do.  I feel like a disappointment if they have to pick up some of my slack.  And while I know it is perfectly ok to say that I can't do it all, my people pleaser is devestated when I catch the disapproving glances or nuances.  And then the passive-aggressive side of me rears it's ugly head and I want to take it all back, to do it all!  To do even more than before just to prove that I can.  All the while, I am bitter towards others for not recognizing that I need help.  When in fact, how would they know, because I don't want to bother anyone with the way I am feeling, so I usually keep it to myslef.  I know it is a terrible and unhealthy cycle and incredibly unfair to those around me.  Not to mention, irresponsible and unfair to the life inside of me.  But, I am just being real and honest about the things I think about.  (My mind...it's a scary place, people.)

All this to say that in the next couple of months, I am going to be doing some re-evaluating.  I will need to make decisions as to the things I can let others do and the things that can be left undone.  I will need to schedule times to rest even when that means that I may get a disapproving glance.  I may need to skip storytime or a playgroup.  But, most importantly, before I make any decisions, I need to first schedule in time with the One who gives me each and every moment.

Please pray with me that I will seek out some precious time with my Savior and begin to align my priorities with His.  I am so thankful that He uses these difficult times to show me the areas where I need to be refined.  That He loves me enough to push me out of the comfort zone where I have to rely on Him.

Friday, March 20, 2009

A little speechless

I don't have many words this morning, but I feel compelled to make note of today.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day that Baby Blues left this earth and claimed his place in heaven.

If you think of it today, please say a prayer for my friends and family as they walk through the emotions of today.

Baby Blues,
We are so happy that you have begun your new life in heaven.  But, we miss you more than there are words.  Yesterday your mommy and I decorated your headstone.  It looks beautiful.  Today your cousin and friends will send some balloons your way.  I hope they make you smile.
We love you.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

a picture update

Here is the only belly shot I have thus far.  I am 27 weeks pregnant and as you can see, I am quite rotund...  That's the Racer talking to our boy.  Hey Racer, can you ask him his name while you are at it???

This is what my girl's hair looked like during the wedding.  Her aunt bff rocked the updo.  It is hard to believe that this little girl had hair so short and thin you could see through it just a year ago...

Here is the Cutie dancing with her cousin.  These two didn't even skip a beat even though they hadn't seen each other in a few months.  They had been counting down the days to be together again.  So, adorable!

These are just a few pictures of the fun we had at a family wedding this weekend.  It was so great to see out of town family and it makes me wish we had more occasions to get together.  

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Where do we begin??

Things have been all kinds of crazy around here.  Hopefully one day, when my brain works again, I can form a post that is more than just bullet points.  But for now, it's all I can do.  

(I really don't think it matters, because I am pretty sure we have no readers left out there.  They both gave up on us when we began posting once a quarter...)

  • Firstly, who are those big kids in the header??  We had that other picture for so long, that the change seems very drastic to me.
  • My husband's brother and my good friend got married this weekend.  It was a crazy, busy, beautiful time. She was a beautiful bride and they looked very much in love.
  • I was more tired last night than I can remember feeling since I delivered the Cutie. Now, that was tired!
  • For the past 10 weeks, I have been having contractions.  Each week, they seem to get more frequent and at times more intense.
  • I am not showing signs of preterm labor. Which is good news, because my little guy needs to cook some more,  Apparently my uterus is just irritable.  I guess it's just being consistant with other parts of me, huh??
  • I am now required to drink A LOT, rest often and wear a maternity belt when I am not resting.
  • It's a tricky combo: Drink a gallon of water a day and then tightly strap this belt around your bladder...
  • Life has taken on a frantic pace and I am working hard to slow it down.  I want to enjoy these last few months with my girl as an only child.  I do not want to wake up one day and discover my little girl is all grown up and I can't recall how she got there.  I know that the time will fly by, and she'll be grown before we know it, but I want to be able to remember the ride.
Like I said, if I can reach a point where I am able to form a coherant paragraph, I will be back with some better thoughts than these.  And some pictures too :)

Until then, have a happy week, friends!

Monday, February 16, 2009

A recap of the random

It seems as though we have been on a blogging strike.  I think about writing often, but I can't ever seem to find the time.  By evening, I am fighting to stay awake long enough to put the Cutie to bed and in the am, I am usually waking up early to take our roomie to school since she is on crutches.  Naptimes have become all but non-existent.  As you can tell, we are having some sleep issues around here.  As in, we don't do it much around here.

At our bible study a couple of weeks ago, someone shared that women who get 7.5 hours of sleep lose more weight than those not getting enough sleep.  At this rate, I think I should be able to shed this baby weight by the time he starts kindergarten... (I hope not!)  I am holding out hope that this one can be a good sleeper and maybe he will encourage his sister to follow his example.

My husband gave me a whole day with no children (outside of my body) and no responsibilities on Thursday.  And this was on a day when I had Dinoboy, even!  It was like a little slice of heaven.  And the Cutie was sure to pay me back ten-fold over the weekend when she really ramped up the crazy!

My girl took her life into her hands last week when she drew a 3 foot mural in the middle of our living room carpet while I dozed on the couch.  This was 3 hours before my husband was coming home from his week long training, and our anniversary.  I was NOT pleased!  It was a little consolation to know that it was a carpet that is really in bad shape and needed to be replaced anyway.  But, since we will not be replacing it anytime soon, I was VERY upset.  Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue with her queen of clean advice.  2 bottles of rubbing alcohol and seltzer water did the trick.  You can't even see the remnant of blue.

She just got the priviledge of using writing utensils back last night.  She says every time she uses them, "I only write on paper.  I won't write on the carpet again."  Good call, sister.

I am 23 1/2 weeks pregnant.  Most days I feel like it.  Other days, I feel like I'm 38 weeks.  I look much more pregnant, and frankly, I don't care.  This little guy is really active and I just love feeling him bounce around in there.  He always seems to know when his dad or sister  are touching my stomach.  Especially when she is leaning up against me.  He always gives them little kicks.  Funny thing is, he doesn't do it so much when others touch my stomach.

When I took her to the bathroom this morning, the Cutie was looking a little bulky.  I asked her, "Are you wearing 2 pairs of pants?"  She smiled and said, "No, three."  It made me laugh.  I discovered as I disrobed her that she actually had 4 pair on.  I don't know what she was thinking.  And, honestly, I don't know when she did it.

A friend said to me the other day that I had never mentioned that my husband is out of work.  He is, and has been for almost 5 months.  This has been an incredible time of growth and change for me personally and in our marriage.  It has been humbling to see how God provides every month.  We are living at a deficit of almost $700.00 per month yet, we have not missed one bill or payment.  Work those numbers and tell me that God doesn't work miracles in every day life...

I did three loads of dishes yesterday.  Most all of our dishes in the house were dirty.  Ridiculous!  Apparently the maid quit and forgot to inform me...

Happy Monday!

Thursday, February 5, 2009


It has been just over a year since my Major Hunk returned from his deployment.  Exactly one year since he was back in my arms, I was bidding him goodbye at the airport sending him off to a training conference.  It's only a week long.  But it did get me thinking...  

Time is such an interesting thing.  On one hand, it seems like he just returned, and on the other, like the deployment is a distant memory.  

Two years ago found me preparing for our first holiday apart.  I was still strong then.  The loneliness didn't really take root until a few months later.  I had a one year old to keep me busy.  But the more she started to change and grow into a little person, the more difficult it became to accept that he was missing it.

One year ago found me a nervous wreck as we waited for those hangar doors to open.  Crying tears of relief that my love had made it home safely from war.  We were both changed people.  As we couldn't wait to be back together, we were both nervous about what it might look like in our daily lives.  Our daughter stared at the same man and wondered why everyone was so excited about him.  And then she really got nervous when he came to our house and he stayed...  And we won't even mention what she thought of him getting anywhere near her mom.

One week ago found me out of town on some family business longing for my family.  However,  my husband and daughter were having a blast and bonding in ways that one year ago didn't even seem possible.  And two days later when we had to send him off to his training, you found our daughter crying for Daddy.  Today finds her busy making plans for Daddy to take her to the park when he gets home in two days.  It makes this mama's heart melt each time I see her run and leap into his arms.

When I think back on these past 3 years in bullet points like this, it is hard to believe where we have been and where we are today.  Such is life.  As we continue this journey called life, I hope I always remember to take the time to reflect.  It is often in the reflection that we clearly see things that the busyness of life seems to blur.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Oh the growth!

This morning, I took Dirty Jobs and the Cutie to our local indoor playground.  I had such a precious morning just watching the two of them.  I don't know if I have mentioned that I have been so lucky to work with Dirty Jobs as his habilitation worker.  What that means is that in addition to having this sweet guy in our lives as a dear family friend, I also get to work with him one on one a few times a week.  I have been doing this since August.

Well, today as I watched the two of them romp and play in the playland, it hit me.  That little guy has grown so much.  Not just in height (which he has) and not even in language (which he has), but just in all around maturity.  I was able to see today that the additional language he has acquired has given the world such a beautiful gift.  The gift of his personality.  That little guy just loves life and he loves to share it with those around him.  He is full of life and excitement to discover something new.  He runs at life full speed ahead.  But, just recently, he has also become aware of life's dangers.  And he exercises restraint.  Yesterday he heard me knock at the door and unlocked it.  His mom told him to stop when he tried to open it.  And you know what, he let go of the door and walked away.  Just a few months ago, he would have rushed to open it and bolted out at the first opportunity.  

I have enjoyed these past 6 months with him and look forward to the coming months with great anticipation.  He has made huge progress on each of his goals in the past months.  I am so excited to see him blow these new goals out of the water this coming year.  

Thank you Racer for entrusting me with one of your most precious gifts.  
And thank you Dirty Jobs for teaching me so much about life.  

I love you guys!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Big Day

Today was my big ultrasound.  you know the one where they send you to have all the baby's systems checked out and let you now the sex of the baby.  There was a little stress when the tech kept asking me questions that I didn't think were routine.  Then the dr came in to check on some things.  I was getting nervous and the bff had bowed her head in prayer by then.  I asked the dr what he was looking at and he didn't answer.  Then I started to panic a little.  It turns out they were looking at the placenta and the uterine wall.  I was contracting through the ultrasound and that was making it difficult to read.  After a little bit of time, they were able to confidently announce that everything looked good.  We got some precious pictures of the baby's foot and leg and a great profile shot.  We even got a picture of a yawn.

And they were able to tell me with confidence that it looks like we are having a boy!

Let the great name debate begin...

**Leave me some boy names in the comments if you have some you like**

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Don't let it slip away...

I have been amazed at how different this pregnancy is from my first.  More than anything, I have been amazed at how different I have been during this pregnancy.  I relished in every moment of my first pregnancy.  I was very focused.  This time, I am enjoying it.  But, I am also very distracted.  When people ask how far along I am, I have to stop and think for a second.  Well, I thought about it this morning.  I am 19 weeks pregnant.  That is almost half-way there.  Wow.

I want to document some of it here so I don't let it slip right past.  This pregnancy has been an eventful one.  We found out I was pregnant just 6 days after my husband's orders ran out and he was officially out of a job.  That also meant we were officially without insurance.  It was 6 months after Baby Blues went to heaven and only one week after I told my therapist my fears about how a pregnancy could really rock the world of our extended family in this light.  It was also one week after my bff had her tubal reversal surgery.  I was a little shell-shocked.  I also wondered about the timing.  But, knowing that His timing is perfect, I courageously stepped into this new phase of our life and didn't look back.

Now that we are halfway through it, I have all but forgotten those early fears.  I have popped out in epic porportions.  I am tired and achy and don't get nearly enough sleep.  I haven't monitored my diet like the first and I have even begun drinking caffeine.  *gasp*  (I wouldn't have dreamed of such things the first time around.)  And, I have a different perspective this time.  I am carrying life.  And, after walking through the most difficult journey of her life with my best friend, life takes on a whole new meaning.  Life is precious.  Every life.  No matter when it comes.  And none of those other things really matter.  It doesn't matter what changes occur to my body.  It doesn't matter that I look twice as big as every other pregnant lady at church.  What matters is that the Lord sees us fit to parent this child for as many days as He has ordained.  

I was chosen to be this baby's mother.  Major Hunk has been chosen to be it's father.  And the Cutie has been chosen to be it's big sister.  May we never get so wrapped up in our ideas or concerns that we lose sight of that priviledge.

21 weeks (more or less) until I have to share this baby with the world.  And, I plan to enjoy every private moment we have together until then.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Conviction?? Well, come on in.

As I mentioned in my post last week my mouth often gets me into trouble.  It is one of the things that I feel convicted about most often.  And again today, I am awake at unspeakable hours wondering how do I always end up in the same place?  Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't go around spreading gossip or bashing people's character.  It's much more subtle than that.  In my concern for others, I often overshare my opinions.  My goal for this week is to remember that it doesn't really matter what I think, and I certainly don't always have to share my opinions, especially when no one asked.

Here are some scriptures I have found regarding my mouth and how I need to keep it shut and be better about using it for good.

Ephesians 4:29- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth- only that which benefits those who listen.

Psalm 19:14- May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord.

James 3:9,11- With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Can both fresh and salt water come from the same spring?

1 Peter 3:2- They may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Proverbs 10:19- When words are many, sin is not absent.  But, he who holds his tongue is wise.

There are so many more, but I must stop here and let these 5 sink in today.  There is plenty here for me to think on.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Happy Birthday Party

Well, I am finally getting around to the Cutie's birthday post.  Her birthday was more than 2 weeks ago, but we just wrapped up the celebrations this weekend.  As Dirty Jobs told the bff on Saturday, "Happy Birthday party".

Dear Cutie,

That Christmas of 2005 when I waddled around with you still inside of me, we knew your days in there were numbered.  Oh, how I loved feeling you inside of me.  I was not in a hurry to get you out of there.  And, frankly, you seemed pretty content to be there as well.  I kept asking the doctors to let you stay a few more days and wait for natural labor.  Finally, Dr. S drew the line and said it was time.  They scheduled me for an induction.  19 long hours later, we finally got to meet you, face to face.  We struggled through those first weeks and I was so thankful when they finally determined your food allergies.  Once we got you onto that pricey hypo-allergenic formula, you (and I) were so much happier.  You were such a smiley baby!

When you were 4 months old, your daddy left for some training in another state.  It was hard because we missed him, but I was so thankful to have your smiles and laughter to fill my days.  I was able to document your first year for him with pictures and emails and texts so he wouldn't miss out on any of your milestones.  Then, we spent our first Christmas together as a family right before Daddy left for Afghanistan.  We made so many memories and he had a blast catching up on who you were becoming.  The year that Daddy was overseas, was one of the most difficult of my life.  Mommy lost her mind a little bit and the house got pretty messy.  But, we had lots of laughs.  You brought so much joy to my days and I am so grateful that you were with me during that time.  And though you may never remember it, it will always remain a special time for me with you.

I love the special relationship we have based on the fact that it was just the two of us for most of your first two years.  But, I have loved watching you and Daddy work out that relationship.  The first little while was tough.  I couldn't be out of your sight.  You wouldn't let him hold you or take over any of "my" duties.  But now, it was all worth it.  Finding you two in the garage fiddling with tools or building something never fails to make me smile.  Watching the physical play that you and Daddy engage in usually makes me laugh.  No matter how tired he is, he can't resist you when you say, "You can't get me," and take off running through the house.  The giggles are precious.  You love your time with daddy and you start to get cranky if too many days go by without getting that special one on one time with him.  Your dates together are always good for both of you.  

Your third, was the last birthday we had together as a family of three.  Next year, your brother or sister will be here to share it with you.  This next year will be full of changes.  But, as your life has already shown us, I think you will transition beautifully.  You have already taught your mommy and daddy so much.  

Thank you for being the one who taught me how to be a mother.  Thank you for the patience and grace you continue to show me as I walk through each and every stage of your life.  And thank you for becoming the beautiful little girl that God has created you to be.  Your love inspires me to be a better wife and mom and a better woman.

I love you, baby girl.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Fireproof- week 1

Major Hunk and I just began a bible study called "Fireproof Your Marriage".  It is based on the movie Fireproof.  I hope you have seen the movie, but if you haven't...you should.  My favorite line from the movie is when Caleb's friend tells him that fireproof doesn't mean that fires won't come, but that when fires do come, it doesn't bring destruction.  Yes.  I am ready to live in a marriage that is fireproofed.  Because anyone who is married knows that fires come.

Week 1 was based on Ephesians 5:21-33.  This scripture gives us instructions for treating each other as husband and wife.  At the core of it, we learned that women need to feel loved and men need to feel respected.  I was challenged to find ways in which I can show my husband respect this week.

Here are some scriptures that spoke to me:
  • Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come our of your mouth- only that which benefits the listener.
  • 1 Peter 3:1b-2
That they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence in your life.

Apparently there is a theme in my life: I talk too much.  And the things I say are not always uplifting.  If you remember during the Priscilla Schirer study I did, the Lord spent many a weeks with me about my tongue and the words that I speak.  Boy, I am slow learner.  Thankfully, the Lord is so faithful, that He will keep bringing me back to it.

So, my goals for this week are:
  • Do things that make my husband feel respected by me.
  • Use words that build him up- when I speak to him and about him.
I hope you will join us in finding ways to fireproof your relationship as we work through this 6 week study.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Oh My Four!

Dirty Job,

I greeted you this morning with, "Happy Birthday, Dirty Job." Your reply was, "Happy Birthday, Mommy." It made me grin.

What a journey this past year has been. I have watch you grow and change and GROW some more. Have I mentioned you are HUGE? Your biggest growth, though, has been your speech. We have watched the miracle of who you are unfold this past year. I firmly believe that the Lord answered my prayer for speech through therapy and chelation. You are so fun to listen to!

I love your love for animals, t-rexes and most of all, your love for people. I love when you say hi to strangers. I love when you come up to give me a hug and preface it with, "big hug." Your newest trick is to say, "Come back," in this pathetically sad voice. It cracks me up!

You love talking about the letters of the alphabet, music, and various movies. You enjoy going to the park and riding your big wheel. You like to hike - but only if it involves going up a mountain. No easy trail for you! You love animals, both real and plastic.

The other night as we were laying in your bed I told you that the most important thing to me, even more important than talking is that you love Jesus. Your response, "Thank you, Jesus, Amen." I look forward to seeing and hearing you thank the Lord for many, many things that are to come.

I am so excited as I anticipate the next year with you, sweet boy. Happy Birthday to you!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

What's Up?

So, it's been a ridiculous amount of time since we have posted on here.  The holidays just get like that, don't they?  There is so much to share, but so little time to do it.  So, in order to keep your boredom to a minimum, here are the cliff's notes.

Our trip to the mountain state:
It was so great to see family.  There was so much going on, the time just flew by.  But, there was a baby to be admired, girl time to catch up on, an adorable pregnant belly that I couldn't get enough of and of course, some social awkwardness (ours, not theirs) thrown in for good measure.  The wedding was fabulously beautiful.  My daughter danced like a rock star the whole night.  It really was a highlight for me.  Lots of good memories were made.  But, I was ready to get home on Christmas Eve.

Our Christmas:
We had a really great morning together.  The Cutie slept until an unprecedented 8 am.  I gave many thanks being that I was up late wrapping gifts after a long night of travel and a trip to our local drugstore for forgotten stocking stuffers.  Our girl was really excited to open some presents and I got some really precious pictures of her.  It was a real blessing to include our roommate in our family traditions and family time as she really needs this in her life.  We are so glad she is here with us.  After our fun, relaxing morning, it was off to a whirlwind of holiday fare.  My biggest blessings of the season came hidden in our tiny Christmas budget this year.  It was humbling, yet refreshing, to give a small gift and not feel the need to apologize or explain.  And, you know what, no one was the worse for it.  I think my favorite lesson was seeing that my daughter was happy with the three small gifts we were able to put under the tree for her.  In the whole scheme of things, the gifts were a small part of our holiday.  And for me, that was really refreshing.  My most special Christmas gift came that afternoon while I visited Baby Blues gravesite and I felt baby #2 kick for the first time.  It was quite symbolic.

Cuties 3rd birthday:
She had a busy day, just like she likes it.  She had spent the night before with the bff and family.  I joined them for breakfast the next day, she and I decorated her cake together, our family went to our local pizza joint for some games and we topped it all off with a movie.  We then headed back to Dinoboy's for some rousing games of crocodile dentist, or whatever that game is called.  She had a party with her grandparents yesterday and a joint kid's party with Dirty Jobs is in our near future.  She has been glowing as she shares the news (with everyone) that she's 3 now.  Oddly, she really does seem older.

Other randomness:
Well, my baby's 3.  And, that makes me a little nostalgic.

Our financial state is such that we are in a place ripe for huge growth in my life and in our marriage.  It is a very scary and exciting, and scary, place to be.  

My in-laws found a dog this week.  It is lost and lonely and they are caring for it while they try to find it's family.  But, so far, no luck.  So begins my father-in-laws quest for making it our family pet.  So, a trip to meet the dog was in order.  My husband is in love.  And our daughter informed us that she wants to "bring it home, to our house, now".  Those were her words.  And she is really on the fence about dogs in general.  She loves some and fears others.  Did I mention that this dog is GIANT??  As in, when it stands on all fours, it's head is taller than our three year old.  And it has a thick coat of white hair.  That gets on everything it touches.  And things it doesn't touch.  The dog rested his head on the kitchen counter while we were there.  Again, I must say, GIANT.  So, here are my thoughts:  
  1. Oh the hair.  It will be everywhere.  Do I really need to throw that into the mix with my already lacking housekeeping skills?  
  2. Is it wise to bring a dog that is big and strong into our house with our child when we don't know it's background/history?  
  3. Umm, we will have a newborn in 5 months.
  4. We can't actually afford to feed this dog right now.  
  5. And, to be brutally honest, I fear that this dog will become another thing I have to take care of/ clean up after.  And, I am not ready to make that kind of commitment.
But seeing how happy my husband was to pet and play with this dog yesterday has me thinking about it.  He really loves dogs and really missing having one.  Watching how my daughter went from terrified of this gentle giant to sitting next to and resting her head on it's back within only a couple of hours, has me thinking about it.  In fact, this is the reason I am awake and typing this at 4 am.  I can't get that dog off my mind!  Is the Lord wanting to grow our family with a dog and a newborn all in the same year?  Could we be missing out on the companionship that a dog can provide based on all my rationalizations?  Are we crazy to even consider it at this point?  
I don't know.  But, I do know that we are going to have to discuss it.  Here's hoping for a clear sign from the Lord soon!

Last of all, Major Hunk and I have been finding some names that we can actually agree on in the past week.  We actually have both girl and boy names that we both like.  And, if you know us, you know this is huge!  Now, I won't lie, I am a little disappointed that my favorite names are not on that list, but still.  

Happy Sunday, friends.