Thursday, April 30, 2009

We climbed in the window!

We made it to our first milestone! We are now considered to be safely in the "steroid window". If baby boy had to be delivered today, his lungs would need much less help in functioning outside of the womb. Just typing that has brought me to tears. I had yet to cry since this entire situation began early Monday. I have been running on auto-pilot since that 2 am wake up call.

How am I feeling? It's the question so many have asked. And the answer is: I really don't know. I don't know if I am in shock, denial, confusion or peace. I think it is a little of all of those things.

Shock: I have had very little emotion about any of this. I have listened to and reported the facts. Very cut and dry.

Denial: I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I will not be leaving this hospital with this little guy inside of me. That by the time I go home, I will no longer be pregnant. I don't feel finished with this pregnancy. There is still too much to do. I have to reorganize the Cutie's room and make it a room for 2. I have to sort baby clothes. I have to finish my registry. We have to have our special time together as a family of three...

Confusion: Am I really going to be the mom of a premature baby? What does that mean? What does that look like? What will his needs be when he comes out? What will my postpartum hormones look like in light of all of this? I thought I would be more confident this time around. But, I sit here questioning my ability to mother a boy, to feed a baby who may not suck well.

Peace: The lack of total and complete freak outs must be evidence of the Lord's hand. I have yet to feel overly stressed about this whole situation. There are many unknowns, in regards to Cpt Adorable and our life situations in general. Yet, I feel little stress. So many are lifting our family to the Lord and He has been so faithful to continue to provide for our every need. I know that this little guy is exactly who the Lord wants him to be. I know he is just the right fit to round out our family of four. No matter what that looks like.

If any new developments occur, I will post about them when I can. And I will be sure to have the Racer keep you informed as to when this little guy is coming and a picture once he arrives. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. They make a tangible difference in our family.


Elizabeth said...

YAAAAAAY!!!! You're in the window!!! That is such a wonderful reason to celebrate. God is good, He is with you.

I'm feeling for you so much right now. Allow yourself whatever emotions decide to come. HUGS. I'm still praying.

Holly said...

I see you are still operating at your normal wee hours of the morning even in the hospital :)

Still praying for you and the little guy!

Pollyanna said...

Holy Smokes girl!! I miss a day and I miss a lot!

Talk about crying moms...I'm crying just thinking about all that you are going through.

Please let me know if you need anything!!

Lots of love coming your way!!!