Thursday, January 15, 2009

Don't let it slip away...

I have been amazed at how different this pregnancy is from my first.  More than anything, I have been amazed at how different I have been during this pregnancy.  I relished in every moment of my first pregnancy.  I was very focused.  This time, I am enjoying it.  But, I am also very distracted.  When people ask how far along I am, I have to stop and think for a second.  Well, I thought about it this morning.  I am 19 weeks pregnant.  That is almost half-way there.  Wow.

I want to document some of it here so I don't let it slip right past.  This pregnancy has been an eventful one.  We found out I was pregnant just 6 days after my husband's orders ran out and he was officially out of a job.  That also meant we were officially without insurance.  It was 6 months after Baby Blues went to heaven and only one week after I told my therapist my fears about how a pregnancy could really rock the world of our extended family in this light.  It was also one week after my bff had her tubal reversal surgery.  I was a little shell-shocked.  I also wondered about the timing.  But, knowing that His timing is perfect, I courageously stepped into this new phase of our life and didn't look back.

Now that we are halfway through it, I have all but forgotten those early fears.  I have popped out in epic porportions.  I am tired and achy and don't get nearly enough sleep.  I haven't monitored my diet like the first and I have even begun drinking caffeine.  *gasp*  (I wouldn't have dreamed of such things the first time around.)  And, I have a different perspective this time.  I am carrying life.  And, after walking through the most difficult journey of her life with my best friend, life takes on a whole new meaning.  Life is precious.  Every life.  No matter when it comes.  And none of those other things really matter.  It doesn't matter what changes occur to my body.  It doesn't matter that I look twice as big as every other pregnant lady at church.  What matters is that the Lord sees us fit to parent this child for as many days as He has ordained.  

I was chosen to be this baby's mother.  Major Hunk has been chosen to be it's father.  And the Cutie has been chosen to be it's big sister.  May we never get so wrapped up in our ideas or concerns that we lose sight of that priviledge.

21 weeks (more or less) until I have to share this baby with the world.  And, I plan to enjoy every private moment we have together until then.


Holly said...

Beautiful post. I love how your early fears are no longer driving your heart. Isn't that just like God?