Thursday, March 26, 2009

Another growing boy...

I just love the 3d ultrasound.  It really makes it feel like you get to see the baby.  A little more than just the bones, at least.

Our little guy is thriving, has a strong heartbeat and loves to jump around.

On Monday, I thought I was going into labor.  For a time I was having contractions every 5 min.  It was a long and stressful few hours.  But, after much laying on my left side, the contractions slowed and eventually stopped.  

It was the wake up call I needed.  Whether I feel like I am doing too much or not, my body clearly thinks that I am.  So, I am making myself rest even when I don't feel like I need to.  The result:  Yesterday I felt better than I have in weeks.  I had very few contractions and only a little back pain. 

Alright, lesson learned.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Growing Boys

Well, hello there. Long time, no blog... That is for a myriad of reasons,but instead of boring you with that, I thought I'd resurface with a picture of my two favorite boys.We took my Hubs to The Happiest Place on Earth for his birthday over Spring Break. Awhile back, my mom had gotten Hubs a t-shirt from there that says Judge Me By My Size, Do You? with a picture of Yoda on the back. The Hubs, well, he's a BIG fan of Star Wars, and by BIG fan, I mean OBSESSED. So anyhow, they had one in my little guys size and Grandma couldn't help but snatch that up for him. The funny part of this t-shirt is the fact that my boys are both tall people. My Hubs is 6'1" and our 4 year old is quite tall and is wearing a size 8 in this

So this is them, in line for Space Mountain. Which both of them love.
I'll be back to catch up soon!

Some middle of the night ramblings...

Well, here I am again.  I cruised on into bed around 12am to be awakened by the Cutie at 1am.  I haven't been able to go back to sleep ever since.  (it's almost 4am...)  I don't have any actual organized thoughts, like I had hoped I might.  But, here goes nothing. 

I really need to slow my life down.  I don't know how to do this.  I have so many things I need to get done and so many that I want to get done in a day, that I have a difficult time sitting with my feet up for more than a few minutes at a time before 7 pm.  On Wednesday, I had a day of rest.  I didn't leave the house and I spent some time reading and even dozed a little on the couch.  I did accomplish some things, but not much really.  I didn't wear my maternity belt for half the day and had very few contractions.  The days since then I have been up on my feet for most of the day and while not doing strenous activity, constantly on the go.  Each day since, I have had contractions even while wearing the belt all day.  Hello...See a connection??  Why, yes, maybe I do.  

This is where my head starts messing with me.  I see the value in resting more and doing less.  I feel it even,  I see that I could be, in fact, causing many of these symptoms by my lifestyle.  But, on some level, I still feel as though I am a failure as a wife and mom if I can't do it all myself.  If I can't do all the housework, take my daughter to the library, work, support friends, fix dinner and still be awake to spend time with my husband at the end of the day, that I have not lived up to my end of the bargain.  You know, that unspoken bargain I made with myself, my husband, my daughter and my friends.  

The part where it really gets tricky for me is that, I believe, some people in my life also feel this way.  I feel judged if I don't do all the things I set out to do.  I feel like a disappointment if they have to pick up some of my slack.  And while I know it is perfectly ok to say that I can't do it all, my people pleaser is devestated when I catch the disapproving glances or nuances.  And then the passive-aggressive side of me rears it's ugly head and I want to take it all back, to do it all!  To do even more than before just to prove that I can.  All the while, I am bitter towards others for not recognizing that I need help.  When in fact, how would they know, because I don't want to bother anyone with the way I am feeling, so I usually keep it to myslef.  I know it is a terrible and unhealthy cycle and incredibly unfair to those around me.  Not to mention, irresponsible and unfair to the life inside of me.  But, I am just being real and honest about the things I think about.  (My's a scary place, people.)

All this to say that in the next couple of months, I am going to be doing some re-evaluating.  I will need to make decisions as to the things I can let others do and the things that can be left undone.  I will need to schedule times to rest even when that means that I may get a disapproving glance.  I may need to skip storytime or a playgroup.  But, most importantly, before I make any decisions, I need to first schedule in time with the One who gives me each and every moment.

Please pray with me that I will seek out some precious time with my Savior and begin to align my priorities with His.  I am so thankful that He uses these difficult times to show me the areas where I need to be refined.  That He loves me enough to push me out of the comfort zone where I have to rely on Him.

Friday, March 20, 2009

A little speechless

I don't have many words this morning, but I feel compelled to make note of today.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day that Baby Blues left this earth and claimed his place in heaven.

If you think of it today, please say a prayer for my friends and family as they walk through the emotions of today.

Baby Blues,
We are so happy that you have begun your new life in heaven.  But, we miss you more than there are words.  Yesterday your mommy and I decorated your headstone.  It looks beautiful.  Today your cousin and friends will send some balloons your way.  I hope they make you smile.
We love you.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

a picture update

Here is the only belly shot I have thus far.  I am 27 weeks pregnant and as you can see, I am quite rotund...  That's the Racer talking to our boy.  Hey Racer, can you ask him his name while you are at it???

This is what my girl's hair looked like during the wedding.  Her aunt bff rocked the updo.  It is hard to believe that this little girl had hair so short and thin you could see through it just a year ago...

Here is the Cutie dancing with her cousin.  These two didn't even skip a beat even though they hadn't seen each other in a few months.  They had been counting down the days to be together again.  So, adorable!

These are just a few pictures of the fun we had at a family wedding this weekend.  It was so great to see out of town family and it makes me wish we had more occasions to get together.  

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Where do we begin??

Things have been all kinds of crazy around here.  Hopefully one day, when my brain works again, I can form a post that is more than just bullet points.  But for now, it's all I can do.  

(I really don't think it matters, because I am pretty sure we have no readers left out there.  They both gave up on us when we began posting once a quarter...)

  • Firstly, who are those big kids in the header??  We had that other picture for so long, that the change seems very drastic to me.
  • My husband's brother and my good friend got married this weekend.  It was a crazy, busy, beautiful time. She was a beautiful bride and they looked very much in love.
  • I was more tired last night than I can remember feeling since I delivered the Cutie. Now, that was tired!
  • For the past 10 weeks, I have been having contractions.  Each week, they seem to get more frequent and at times more intense.
  • I am not showing signs of preterm labor. Which is good news, because my little guy needs to cook some more,  Apparently my uterus is just irritable.  I guess it's just being consistant with other parts of me, huh??
  • I am now required to drink A LOT, rest often and wear a maternity belt when I am not resting.
  • It's a tricky combo: Drink a gallon of water a day and then tightly strap this belt around your bladder...
  • Life has taken on a frantic pace and I am working hard to slow it down.  I want to enjoy these last few months with my girl as an only child.  I do not want to wake up one day and discover my little girl is all grown up and I can't recall how she got there.  I know that the time will fly by, and she'll be grown before we know it, but I want to be able to remember the ride.
Like I said, if I can reach a point where I am able to form a coherant paragraph, I will be back with some better thoughts than these.  And some pictures too :)

Until then, have a happy week, friends!