Sunday, July 1, 2007

Teach me to Pray!

I have been churning over some things in my mind lately, and I feel the need to process them. I figure, this is as good a place as any, huh? I am going to be using the word "I" a lot here. I know it is not grammatically correct and probably sounds really egotistical, that is not my intent, I am just processing.

I love my life.
I am pleased to be doing my life's work as a stay-at-home mom.
I have a happy marriage and strive to do better.
I am content with our life circumstances knowing that the Lord's will is being done.
I believe God.
I feel close to the Lord.
I am burdened to pray for others.
When I pray, I feel powerless.

It is the last part that has me stumped right now. I desire to pray. I desire to spend more time with the Lord. I am heavily burdened to pray for others. I come before Him and I often find myself speechless. When I find my words, it is usually something profound like, "Bless so and so" or "Be with such and such". When I sit down with my Bible, I have a lack of focus. The desire is there, but I feel this lack of connection. In the past, I have been one to fall into complacency when things are going smoothly. I forget to pray or read my Bible. Then, when hard times come, I rush the floodgates. I don't want a catastrophe to come and sweep me off my feet, leaving me flailing. I want to be safe in His hand if crisis comes to call.

I feel like a big contradiction here. I do feel close in my relationship with the Lord. But, I feel like I am in "Prayer Kindergarten" as a book I read put it. I desire more. I want to know His Word more intimately. I want my prayers to unleash His power. I feel like right now my prayers lack power. (Now, I know that my prayers are not the source of power, but they should be powerful.) While I desire those things, I often find myself with the deer in the headlights feeling during prayer. Is that possible?? Can I feel the Lord close to me, feel like our relationship is strong (but wanting it to be stronger) and feel like a prayer failure at the same time? Or is the relationship really less than I think it is?

How do I get over this hump? The only answer I keep coming back to is to pray and read His Word. Then I get stuck again.

We had a prayer warrior from our church go on to be with the Lord last month. Her life has really gotten me reflecting on my prayer life. And frankly, I am in Prayer Kindergarten...maybe even Prayer Preschool if there is such a thing. As my relationship with the Lord develops and grows stronger, my desire for more maturity is sure to follow, right? Shouldn't I be better at prayer as time goes on, the more I do it?

Ok, this post has become much more scattered than I intended, but there it is. My internal thoughts exposed. (Be thankful I don't purge my emotions too often.)

Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to carve out time in my day to be with you. Use that time to show me how to use my prayers to unleash your Power. Use me to pray unceasingly for others. In Jesus name, Amen.


LessOfUs said...

Don't let the enemy leave you feeling like your prayers are powerless. Your prayers have power because you are His child, sharing your heart with Him. His ear is bent towards you, dear friend.