weighing in...

Another busy and stressful week has come and gone. I have made gains in this weight loss journey. I am so glad that I found tales from the scales. If not, I don't think I would take the time to reflect each week. It is often during these posts that I discover that I really am progressing...if not on the scale, then in my journey to have a better life. The Lord is really using this journey to highlight many things to me.
I need to confess. I have not really been trying in the past few weeks. I have been trying not to go completely overboard, but I haven't counted a point in weeks. I haven't even considered the points values of many of the things I have put in my mouth. There, I said it. I have no reason to be frustrated with slow weight loss when I have put in very little effort and made little sacrifice. I am so grateful for the positive habits I have been picking up: drinking more water, adding more exercise.
So, here I am, ready to recommit. This week my goals are to do better in the things I have already begun: Drink even more water. Exercise more regularly. Count my points. Hopefully you will find me here next week with some good news to report. I would love to be able to tell you that I have pulled myself out of the slump I have been hanging out in for far too long.

Beginning weight: 188.4
Current weight: 172.8
This week: - .2

Total weight lost: 15.6

Alright, I am off to find my weekly points tracker...

Growing Pains

What Not to Wear and I had a blast at a waterpark yesterday...just the two of us. No timeline, no agenda. Just us, water, and fun. An especially memorable moment came when we were in the wave pool. WNTW is not a full on swimmer yet, so she's pretty clingy when the waves come, even though she is laughing hysterically and loveing every minute of it. A wave came at us and it knocked my sunglasses off. I had to spend a few minutes searching the wave pool floor. In the mean time, the waves kept coming....much like my emotions this last week.
I can't decide what to do with all of the different emotions I am feeling. I am trying to process them one by one, but it feels like they are coming in waves and are knocking me over! I can't get my bearing. I very much know that I don't stand on feelings, but on facts, and I have some sweet promises to hold onto. However, in the midst of some MAJOR decisions my Deadliest Catch and I have to make, those promises seem just out of my reach. Where does that leave me? I can tell you where it used to leave me - knee deep in ice cream and any other sweet I could get my hands on...but now I am making the choice not to eat my feelings, even though I really want to. So I'm just trying to go to the Lord with it all. I have a feeling I may end up in the fetal position at His feet. Thankfully, He knows what to do with me when I'm there.

Weigh in for 2 weeks

Well, I had an incredibly stressful couple of weeks where I felt out of control of what I put in my mouth. I am pleased to report that I lost .6 pounds since my last weigh in. The encouragement in that is I must have really made some lifestyle changes. Of course, I still need to work hard on the fact that I eat through my emotional highs and lows. But, I am feeling good about the fact that it is not as out of control as it once was.

Beginning weight: 188.4
Current weight: 173

Weight loss: - 15.4

Weeks in: 19

Weigh In

Howdy. After an amazing week at camp where I had a couple of days of candy binging, I am pleased (and very grateful) to report my loss for the week:

This week: -.5

Beginning weight: 168
Current Weight: 142.5
Total Weight Loss: 25.5

Goals for the Week: EXERCISE. Seriously need this habit in my life.
WATER. Drink by the gallon. It's gettin mighty hot here!

Transformed.

I feel like I should blog something. I mean, I've been out of town for a week and haven't recapped any of my adventures via blog. Fortunately, the only person that reads this has already had the recap, so it's not like there are readers who are hanging on the edge of their seats or anything.

Fun at Camp:
My girls (ages 12-18) ~ a TOTAL blast. Love them to death. Even though I am old and decrepit, they still let me dance on the beds.
Slingshot Paintball ~ my first experience paint balling. Fun and way less scary once I got hit for the first time. Still sporting a mark from being hit by the facilitator aka Super paintball Man.
Getting ready for Service ~ We always had so much time that I could actually get gussied up. That was fun. Even my sporty girl put on makeup Thursday.
Clean Room ~ The girls brought a vacuum. That's how competitive they are.
Breaking the Rules ~ I left campus for a Starbucks bribe for the head counselor. I felt like a fugitive. That was fun to pull off.

Spiritual Stuff:
Students Saved, Sanctified and Filled with the Holy Spirit. Doesn't that sound nice and churchy? It really went down more like this...
My girls laid down some serious stuff - addictions, lifestyles, fears...the list goes on and on. They worshiped our Lord from whatever experience they were having - sorrow, joy, peace, frustration. Humbling to observe and so thankful to be able to stand in prayer with them.
Our boys were just awesome. They made me laugh and cry. One gave his heart to the Lord and another one (that I taught in Kid's Church) just opened up and shared some things that were going on in his life. He just melts my heart. Precious young man. One of the other boys (with special needs) testified that God had changed his heart and that he wants to lead his older sister to the Lord. Isn't that SO like God?
I recognized the time I have wasted due to fear. I'm on the edge of the diving board ready to dive in. I've gotten out of the kiddie pool with my floaties.

Prayer Requests:
For all students involved. That they will walk out their commitment regardless of what it takes. And it is going to take a lot of work in some circumstances.

For my husband and myself. The enemy is on the prowl to devour us individually so that we will turn on each other. It's totally spiritual, because frankly, I'm crazy about the guy. There have been damaging words spoken, and I need prayer covering for my heart to walk out forgiveness - that those arrows won't stick because I have put on my armor. They're the enemy's arrows, not my Deadliest Catch's.

A side note: When I arrived home, my kids were happy to see me for approximately 3 seconds, maybe only 2.5. That's ALL people. My heart was crushed but also relieved that they enjoyed their time without me...


So, it's on to a new week with new at home adventures. Can't wait to see what's in store.

I love God

I have been walking around defeated this week. As you could tell by my last post, this has been a trying week, month... 14 months really. After I published my last post, I grabbed my Bible, my caffeine and began searching the house for an empty journal...I know I have a few around here. Of course, I didn't find one, but I did find a journal from Dec. 2002. This was a time in my life so different than today. I only got about 2 days in when I stumbled upon some scriptures I had noted that had meaning to me that day. I looked a couple of them up. James 1. Suddenly, I was struck. This is just what I needed to hear for today. God, that is so like You. You can take something that seems unrelated and use it for today. I am reminded that even though our circumstances change Your Word is ALWAYS the same. I am struck how Your Word is so personal that it speaks to each situation differently. It is not just a blanket covering..."see here for times of discouragement, see here for times of joy", but it is a personal love letter that you use to speak to each of your children differently based on our needs. You know each of our personalities and you use that knowledge to speak to us each in a unique way. A specific scripture that comforts me may speak differently to another. Lord, I strive to model my relationships after yours. May I not use blanket statements, but through Your guidance, reach out to each individual based on their unique personality and needs.
God, this encounter with you today was small but mighty. Thank you.
Isn't God cool??

The roller coaster that is my life...

Stop the ride, I want to get off.

Lord, things are hard right now. You know. I know You have a purpose and plan through all of this. Help me to be patient and wait for it. Help me to remember that You know what You are doing. That these circumstances are not just random, but purposed for good. Thank you for being the God who can take my questions and frustrations. Thank you for loving me right where I am at. Continue to hold my family in the safety of the palm of Your hand- embrace us in Your loving arms. I love you. In Jesus Name.

Weighing In

Well, the results are in. While she is at camp, the Amazing Racer asked me to post her week for you all. She went out for dinner, had popcorn at the movies and she lost a pound! I'd say the changes she is making in her daily life are really being reflected on the scale. Great job!!

Now, I, on the other hand have not had such a stellar week. I have had such a busy week, I have not made it to a weigh in yet. I did weigh myself at the Racer's house on Sunday night and I had maintained. I hope to get over there today and retrieve my scale and see the damage. This week for me has been downhill ever since the hospital vending machines waiting for our littlest freak to arrive. Since then, I have really struggled to get back on track. I need to get to where these changes are just a part of who I am, because right now, I have to be really aware or I quickly fall back into bad habits. I will come back and edit this post with my weight later.

**ok, I have weighed in and I gained a pound. It's ok because I made some really poor choices. I know there are consequences to that. Here's working for a better week!!**

Proceed with caution

I agree with the Amazing Racer...it was a crazy week! I have been trying to take it all in through my sleep-deprived brain. Warning: This post will probably be random and scattered all over the place. If you chose to read on, remember, I warned you :)

The third freak had her baby. He is beautiful and amazing. He, of course, loves to spend time cuddling with me...ok, it may be the other way around, but whatever. A new life always gets me thinking about the sovereignty of God. He builds a complex human inside of our bodies. He knits them together as only the perfect God could. If a human had to do it, it would take decades of research and billions of dollars...not to mention innumerable failed attempts. With this latest addition, the Freak Show has reached it's limit before we moms are officially out-numbered...6 kids and 6 arms.

I have been faced with a few situations this week where I wonder what God's plan is in the midst of it. I believe that He knows all. I believe that He works it together for good. I have sat on the other end of enough difficulties that I know I can look back and see the blessings. I am thankful for this, so I can have the perspective that whatever happens will reap blessings in the end. When it involves someone you love deeply, perspective is helpful. It still makes my heart hurt.

I miss my husband. It has been 7 months since I have been able to feel his embrace, to see him in 3-D. It has been 14 months total since he has lived in our home. I know that God has a plan and purpose for this. I am so thankful. I miss my husband anyway.

I spent the night and day with the Racer's kids while she was headed up to camp to bless the socks off some really super girls. They are precious. I am so grateful that she allows me to be a part of their lives. What Not to Wear is so full of love and joy that she can hardly contain herself. She loves all over my girl and nothing steals a mom's heart faster than that. And, since her latest birthday, she is so big that she can now be trusted to "watch" my 18 month old and 3 year old niece...or so she told me. I love that girl's confidence! Dirty Jobs is a complex mix of energy and softness. He can be a whirlwind and in a split second stop on a dime and gently place a binky in the Cutie's mouth. His love for my truck immediately reminds me of Major Hunk. I am sure they will bond over this in the future. He does all things with passion. Watching him develop and celebrating his daily accomplishments brings me great joy.

So, like I said...this is all over the place. So, thanks to both of you who may read this for letting me ramble on.

Full Week

What a week!!!! It has been a doozie...new babies, camp next week, hosting dinners, exercise, working childcare, therapy, CRAZINESS!!!

My Deadliest Catch and I are having a date night tonight...the first one in a very long time. I can't remember the last time we went to dinner and a movie. I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it.

I leave tomorrow for camp and I am going to miss my hubbie and kids! Camp, though, has been confirmed by the Lord, so I am very confident in their well being while I'm away. I am looking forward to some amazing time with my Lord and some amazing girls. My plan is to love on them as much as I possibly can!

My eating plan (yes, I have thought it through...I have to have a plan so I can succeed!) is to drink as much water as humanly possible. We'll be outdoors alot, so that shouldn't be a problem. My other plan is to choose fresh fruit whenever possible, and to eat in closely monitored moderation. I am going to do my best to assign point values to the camp food, and I am going to bring some snacks from home. My exercise will consist of running around with my girls whenever possible, and to do situps an pushups everyday. Hopefully we'll be doing a lot of cardio activity!

Dirty Job has been using the sign for "more" which has just pleased me beyond what I can express. I just adore that boy so much, and I am so hopeful for him. I know however he grows and learns is a testament to the Lord and His amazing kindness and grace. It does my heart well to see the physical answer to my daily prayer for communication.

We had the arrival of our newest freakshow member...he's precious through and through. I'm aiming for another visit today before I head up the mountain and he changes a million times over. He's giving me the itch for a third...who knows if it'll pass or if sending What Not To Wear to school will just heap fuel on that small flicker and grow it into a forest fire. Only the Lord knows. I have resolved for it not to happen until I reach my goal weight. Obsessive, maybe, but my size 8's are starting to fit and I'm not really interested in revisiting some other sizes quite yet.

I guess this random blog is over...I am going to try and post my upated weight for Cpt Mom to post on tales from the scales while I'm away. Here's hoping for a pound!

Weigh In

It's amazing to think that Captain Mom and I began this journey back in March. When I started I never imagined that this process would really be about so much more than food. I knew I was an emotional eater, but I didn't know how much bondage that brought into my life. I am by no means saying that I've mastered that, but I feel like I've made progress, and I thank the Lord for that. It turns out that it really is better for me to share the burden with Him rather than my hips.

This week I exercised 4 times (maybe 5) and drank my water...yay. I was glad to get my body moving because I know for me that is going to be KEY in keeping this weight off. Plus, I want to run the half marathon in January again and I'd like to start my training in September feeling like my body is ready to take on that challenge.

This week I am going to:

#1 - Keep the exercise up. It's not habit yet, so I'm keeping this goal again.

#2 - Go one night without dessert. Yes, I eat dessert every night. I want to begin breaking that habit, but it will have to be a slow withdrawl, because I don't want to go into a coma.


Starting Weight: 168

Weight Loss this Week: - 2

Total Weight Loss: 24

Current Weight: 144

...weighing in

I feel good about how the past 2 weeks went. I did well with drinking water. I did not meet my goal of exercise 4 times a week, but I did get in 3 times last week. I bought a new DVD targeting specific areas. I hope this helps me to see more results. I also realized that I did not feel the urge to eat my feelings as much this week...and I had plenty of opportunities to do so. Yeah for progress!

Goals for this week.
1. Continue drinking more water.
2. Increase activity.

2 week loss:- 2.2 lbs
Total loss: -14.8 lbs

Where for art thou Vanilla Caramel?

After not having a morning coffee for about 2 weeks (with the exceptions of Sunday mornings), I woke up this morning unable to lift my face from the mattress. I forced myself out of bed to open my ADORABLE Dirty Job's bedroom door, where he was happily playing with some toys ~ just keeping busy until someone set him free.

He and I came downstairs where I immeadiately grabbed him some milk and promptly laid down on the couch, which is where I remained for the next hour. Then I got up and made some coffee (and pancakes). It was a joyous moment when I poured my fat free french vanilla half and half into my mug and then topped it off with coffee. The smell was so delicious. It all went sour when I had my first sip.

Apparently, I have become a coffee creamer snob. Typically I get sugar free vanilla caramel cream, but WalMart doesn't sell it and it's practically $4 at Albertsons, and those are the only places I have been grocery shopping lately, except for Sprout's. So I ha picked up the fffv half and half thinking it would do the job and still be low points. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I couldn't even finish my cup of coffee. Dirty Job, who is ALL about the coffee, only took two sips. Somethings are worth splurging on...

Rejection

I often wonder what purpose certain circumstances in life serve. Sometimes it is very clear in the moment, sometimes it takes some distance to see, and sometimes, I don't see the point ever. Or at least I haven't yet seen the point. The Lord is able to reveal the purpose at any time.
This week, it seems as if I've been transported back to the world of jr high/high school, where some of my most socially awkward moments occured. It's also the time when rejection from those closest to me sticks out in my life. And that's where I'm at this week. I feel like the girl who's in the group, but the group doesn't really want her to be apart. I feel like people are not being totally honest with me and therefore I feel really dishonored.
The point of this post isn't to rehash every moment of rejection I've felt this week, but to just ask the Lord "What's the point?" I feel confident that He has one, but in this moment, the pain is very much clouding any purpose that He may be showing me. The Bible says in everything give thanks. So thank you God, for this storm, for I know there is a point. Even when I can't see it. Thanks that you have suffered rejection from those closest to you, so that I could know You. And because of that, you understand. Help me to thank you even when the cloud cover is thick.

random thoughts about CPT Mom

I have seen many of these posts on other blogs. 13 random things about yourself.
I always think they are fun to read. Sorry that I don't have too many interesting things to share.
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1. I wore a belt today. That in itself is something I haven't done in a while. This was not just any belt, though, this was the belt that I had when I got married. Now, it was tight and I was on the first hole, not the third (which is where I wore it back then), but I still got it on and it held my baggy pants up...Yeah for that!

2. I bought a dress today in size large. (I have been in x-large until now). Actually, I almost needed the medium. Did you hear that?!?...MEDIUM!! It was snug and I have vowed never to buy clothes that are too small in hopes that they will fit someday, so I went with the large. But, knowing that I could, potentially, be too small for my new dress (soon) makes me feel good... in a wasteful sort of way :)

3. I miss my husband and I am ready for him to come home.

4. I went to an ice cream shop today and didn't have any ice cream...not even one bite.
Come to think of it, at lunch today, the people I was with ordered dessert and I didn't have even one bite of that either.

5. I love Jesus and I want to be better at showing it.

6. I seem to have developed an aversion to the grocery store since Major Hunk left. You will often find us with little other than canned goods in our home.

7. My daughter likes to dip her binky in the dog's water and suck it off. I find it disgusting.

8. I love, love, love my job as a stay at home mom.

9. I really need a break from my job :)

10. I was, unknowingly, very attached to the tree in my front yard. Now that it is gone, I feel sad.

11. I am a blog stalker. I visit many blogs and rarely comment.

12. I like to know who is reading my blog and I like when they leave comments. (I know, hypocritical, huh?)

13. I am sleep-deprived and often have the disposition to prove it. Sorry, world.

Weighing in

Let me begin by saying I did not weigh in this week. I still wanted to check in and post my progress this far. I think that if I get it all written down, I will have something to look back on to chart my progress. I have exercised this week and I am planning to continue that 4 times a week. I have also continued to drink more water. I know this is vital not only for my weight loss, but for my health in this scorching heat.

Starting weight: 188.4
As of last week: 175.8
Total weight loss: -12.6
14 weeks.

*I just realized...I am now below my pre-pregnancy weight. Yippee!

The Challenge: Checking in.

Well, I feel a little bit like a cheater at this. Since my husband is so far away and we only talk a couple of times a week, I have many less chances to screw this up. And believe me, I'm sure I would. I know this challenge would be so much more difficult for me if he were here. Absence really does make this heart grow fonder. I also learned very early in this that I had to be really intentional. One time we both got really flippant (a bad habit we have) during a phone call and we hung up on a bad note. The instant we did it, my heart sank. I wanted to take it back so badly. I kept thinking, "what if this were the last time I talked to him...do I really want those to be our last words to each other?" The answer: a resounding NO. That got me thinking. If he weren't 8000 miles away, and I could call him back whenever I felt like it, would I have even regretted doing it? The answer: Probably not. I don't think I would have even thought twice about my crummy attitude. I hope that when this time in our marriage is over that I can keep that feeling fresh in my mind. When the old temptations flare up, that I will be aware that there is a better way. I hope I still treat every conversation like it could be our last.
Communication has always been a difficult spot in our marriage. We both had crummy models of what healthy marriage communication looked like. So, we can easily resort to old habits and quickly do damage. This deployment has really made us implement those healthy communication skills that we have been working on over the course of our marriage. I pray that we hold these lessons we are learning near to our hearts, that they will grow and change our marriage and make it stronger as the years go on.

I will be continuing with all of my goals from the previous weeks.

I would like to ask that you join me in prayer for the many families of deployed soldiers. It is a hard road and many marriages suffer along the way. I pray that each and every soldier and their families would come to know the Lord through this experience and that their marriages would be blessed because of it.

Lord be with each of us this week as we continue to honor You as we honor our husbands. Keep these goals at the forefront of our minds. Help me to lift up my husband each and every day to your throne. Thank you Lord for your love and sacrifice. And thank you for the freedom that a life following Christ brings. In Jesus Name.

Visit Fruit in Season for more Honoring Your Husband participants.

Weigh In

Much better week. Minus yesterday's popcorn indulgence at the movies. It really is better to go to the movies without the rest of the family, because then I can get a small popcorn and not go overboard. Mindless eating is obviously still something I need to work on.

This week I am going to:

#1 - Continue to exercise. I want to exercise 4 days a week.

#2 - Keep up with drinking water. This has been great!


Starting Weight: 168

Weight Loss this Week: - 2

Total Weight Loss: 22

Current Weight: 146

We did it!

We did it, we did it!! (picture Dora with purple backpack).

Today the Amazing Racer and I exercised together! Now, don't get me wrong, it is not like we are sloths or anything, but creating an environment conducive to structured exercise is tough.
Listed below are some of our past efforts.
*We tried walking the mall with all the seniors in the am. As we pushed our strollers and herded kids away from the likes of Puppy Palace, Disney and Build-A-Bear, we were, literally, being lapped by the seniors. Funny, but sad.
*We walked at the park. Similar to above, only there is a giant playground calling out to our little ones and each lap produced a full on whine-fest.
*We thought about walking around the neighborhoods. Except that we live on the surface of the sun (or so it seems)!

So, today we did it. We dusted off the exercise video and we did it...beginning to end. We do wo while refereeing an argument upstairs, consoling a crying baby, and doling out Capri-Suns...all the while doing many of the exercises with a toddler hanging off some appendage.

I think we should get an extra activity point for all that, don't you?

Freedom and Sacrifice

My favorite holiday is soon upon us. I just love the 4th of July. And not just because it's What Not To Wear's birthday, but because of what it reminds us of: Freedom.
Freedom isn't free. We've all heard that. We know that. But it doesn't move us. I saw a picture the other day of writing on a whiteboard. This is what it said:
America is not at war
Marines (and this could be translated the Armed Forces) are at war.
America is at the mall.

My stomach sank. I'm not sure if the sickening feeling in my gut has gone away. I'm not sure that I want it to go away. We are a sad people. We live our lives as if freedom hasn't cost anyone...
very much like we can live our Christian walk. I often say out of my mouth that I'm so thankful for the freedom given me through Christ, but then I fill my life with activity. Mindless activity. I crave more than that. I crave more meaning than that...I want to walk out His love outside of the church walls and the normal day to day. I want to model unconditional love to my children. I want to live in freedom recognizing the cost.

Sacrifice is made in either circumstance you look at. Our service men and women sacrifice their time, their family life, their comforts, their lives for my freedom. Their loved ones here sacrifice their lives as well. What a beautiful picture of what Christ has done for me. What an example to follow. Thank you for not only protecting my freedom, but also giving others in Afghanistan an Iraq the hope of freedom as well.


I absolutely love this song. It helps me to remember and appreciate my freedom because of other's sacrifice.

Teach me to Pray!

I have been churning over some things in my mind lately, and I feel the need to process them. I figure, this is as good a place as any, huh? I am going to be using the word "I" a lot here. I know it is not grammatically correct and probably sounds really egotistical, that is not my intent, I am just processing.

I love my life.
I am pleased to be doing my life's work as a stay-at-home mom.
I have a happy marriage and strive to do better.
I am content with our life circumstances knowing that the Lord's will is being done.
I believe God.
I feel close to the Lord.
I am burdened to pray for others.
When I pray, I feel powerless.

It is the last part that has me stumped right now. I desire to pray. I desire to spend more time with the Lord. I am heavily burdened to pray for others. I come before Him and I often find myself speechless. When I find my words, it is usually something profound like, "Bless so and so" or "Be with such and such". When I sit down with my Bible, I have a lack of focus. The desire is there, but I feel this lack of connection. In the past, I have been one to fall into complacency when things are going smoothly. I forget to pray or read my Bible. Then, when hard times come, I rush the floodgates. I don't want a catastrophe to come and sweep me off my feet, leaving me flailing. I want to be safe in His hand if crisis comes to call.

I feel like a big contradiction here. I do feel close in my relationship with the Lord. But, I feel like I am in "Prayer Kindergarten" as a book I read put it. I desire more. I want to know His Word more intimately. I want my prayers to unleash His power. I feel like right now my prayers lack power. (Now, I know that my prayers are not the source of power, but they should be powerful.) While I desire those things, I often find myself with the deer in the headlights feeling during prayer. Is that possible?? Can I feel the Lord close to me, feel like our relationship is strong (but wanting it to be stronger) and feel like a prayer failure at the same time? Or is the relationship really less than I think it is?

How do I get over this hump? The only answer I keep coming back to is to pray and read His Word. Then I get stuck again.

We had a prayer warrior from our church go on to be with the Lord last month. Her life has really gotten me reflecting on my prayer life. And frankly, I am in Prayer Kindergarten...maybe even Prayer Preschool if there is such a thing. As my relationship with the Lord develops and grows stronger, my desire for more maturity is sure to follow, right? Shouldn't I be better at prayer as time goes on, the more I do it?

Ok, this post has become much more scattered than I intended, but there it is. My internal thoughts exposed. (Be thankful I don't purge my emotions too often.)

Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to carve out time in my day to be with you. Use that time to show me how to use my prayers to unleash your Power. Use me to pray unceasingly for others. In Jesus name, Amen.