This morning, my girl had meltdown after meltdown. This was after a night of little sleeping on the couch because I couldn't get her to stay in her room. (A bad habit I have allowed to establish.) After the 20 minute scream/cry/kick fest, I was really about to pull out my hair. I really felt like I might lose my cool. I wrangled her into the car seat and thought a drive would settle her down. It didn't. She just escalated. During this time, I began to doubt just about every choice I have made in my motherhood journey. Why do I allow her tears to change my resolve? Why did I ever allow her to sleep on the couch with me? Why do I let her manipulate me this way? Etc, etc, etc.

Our mommies group is reading Boundaries With Kids. Let me tell you, this could not be better timing for me. I was an early childhood teacher by trade before leaving my job to become a stay-at-home mom. I was very consistent in my classroom. I could spot a child who was trying to manipulate me and calmly deal with it. I was able to, most of the time, keep my emotions out of it. These things are not so when it come to dealing with the fruit of my womb apparently. I immediately become emotional and I don't always see I am being manipulated until after the fact.

I have to admit that the topper on my day was when my husband emerged from the bedroom, bleary-eyed about an hour after the drama had passed and said...are you ready for this??
He said, "I don't know how you do this, babe. You get less sleep than me, you deal with all of this, yet you keep on going."

I have to say...I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that my job really is hard. It is not just my own perception as I deal with the day-to-day stuff. But, it really is hard.

As I type this, my husband is taking a shower with the door open while our daughter plays and wanders in and out. After almost 2 years of showering with the door open, it does my heart good.

Welcome home, honey. We have a toddler now!