Grief

I was told last week that I need to grieve.

Grieve the loss of time with my husband.
Grieve the loss that my little girl and her dad didn't get to "know" each other until 2 years into her life and that they are still stumbling through that territory.
Grieve the most recent loss of Baby Blues, for his family but also for myself and what it means to me as his aunt.
And I need to grieve the loss of the woman I was, the woman who thought there were things in this life that were sacred. The woman who subconsciously thought that there were "safe" areas in life. Areas that presumed there would be a tomorrow.

I need to grieve. And I don't know how.

My emotions have always been an area where I have control issues. I like to be in control of my emotions. This makes grief a scary place. Grief is not controllable. And each time I control it, then I am not really grieving. Each time I pull myself away from the edge, I deny myself the experience.

But, even though it is scary, even though it is out of my control, I know that I must. Because even though my grief is scary, my God is bigger. And I know that He will be there through it all.

Would you pray with me?