Sunday, May 4, 2008

Grief

I was told last week that I need to grieve.

Grieve the loss of time with my husband.
Grieve the loss that my little girl and her dad didn't get to "know" each other until 2 years into her life and that they are still stumbling through that territory.
Grieve the most recent loss of Baby Blues, for his family but also for myself and what it means to me as his aunt.
And I need to grieve the loss of the woman I was, the woman who thought there were things in this life that were sacred. The woman who subconsciously thought that there were "safe" areas in life. Areas that presumed there would be a tomorrow.

I need to grieve. And I don't know how.

My emotions have always been an area where I have control issues. I like to be in control of my emotions. This makes grief a scary place. Grief is not controllable. And each time I control it, then I am not really grieving. Each time I pull myself away from the edge, I deny myself the experience.

But, even though it is scary, even though it is out of my control, I know that I must. Because even though my grief is scary, my God is bigger. And I know that He will be there through it all.

Would you pray with me?

3 comments:

holly said...

Remember that God never leaves us in the depths of grief - joy will come in the "morning". Areas of life may no longer feel safe, but HE IS SAFE. You can most definitely count on my prayers as you walk through this.

Amazing Racer said...

Grieve it, dear friend. And know that you are loved through the process.

Mary said...

It's okay to grieve. It's a natural part of the healing process. Just allow God to open your heart and let Him help you heal. He wants to help you.

Praying for you.