Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Letter to myself:

I was popping around blogland and saw this post by scalejunkie. I thought it was a great idea as I, too, tend to be hypocritical in my weight loss encouragement. What I mean by that is that when someone has a bad week, I have lots of truthful, encouraging comments for them. When it is me, I have lots of negative comments for myself. I often, even, attack my character with such statements as, "I suck," "I am dumb," "I am a Weight Watcher reject." Now, writing these, they sound harsh. When I say them, it is always laced with sarcasm and light-hearted humor. But, would I ever say such a thing about anyone else? Even jokingly? No. No, I wouldn't.

As I began to think about this post, I began reflecting on the message I heard tonight. I won't get into the details, but it was a memorial service for an amazingly, godly matriarch of our church. A few of the people commented that they had never heard her speak a harsh word about anyone in all the time they had known her. Ouch. That one hurt! Hit me square between the eyes. Would you hear someone say that at my funeral? No. No, you wouldn't. I bring this up, not only because it is hugely convicting, but because it started me thinking. I do say things about others that are not uplifting. I do say things that don't need to be said. And sometimes, I do say things that are down-right hurtful. I not only do this with others, but I am most guilty of doing it with myself. I am super critical to myself. Again, often in a joking, sarcastic way, but it is not healthy. Jesus says to love others as myself. If I think so lowly of myself, then I will, by default, think lowly of others as well.

So, in an effort to extend grace to myself, I give you: A letter to myself, from myself.

Dear Captain:

You have been giving yourself a bad rap for a long time now. You have spent countless moments pulling yourself down when you desperately needed a pick me up. I am going to take sometime to share with you some of the good things I see you doing in your life.

First of all, you are a good mom. You love your daughter and you strive to create a balanced life for her. You look at her with stars in your eyes while still trying to teach her that the world, in fact, does not revolve around her desires. You teach her that her God loves her perfectly and that her mommy and daddy love her the very best they know how.

You are a good wife. You love your husband fiercely. You are committed to loving him the best you know how and striving to do better the next time. Most importantly, you are committed to him through your commitment to God. You are willing to do the hard work that is marriage because of it.

You are relational at the core. You care about people and their lives.

I have seen much growth throughout your weight loss journey. You have gone from truly out of control emotional eating to being aware of emotions that cause you to want to run for the pantry. You have lost more than 23 pounds. 23 pounds!! That is great. You have incorporated more exercise into your daily life than you have had in the past 3 years. These are both important lessons that will benefit your lifetime goals. Keep working, you are doing great!! You are looking good. You are wearing clothes that had been banished to dark corners of the closet for a long time. You even said yourself that you saw yourself naked the other day and weren't disgusted by it. That is progress.

You have been able to work on all of these areas while your life has been in a constant state of stress. It doesn't matter that the bills are paid late, that you double book your calendar and that the house gets messy. What matters is that your husband, daughter, friends and family know they are loved. In the midst of loneliness, fears of war and extreme busyness, you have not lost your mind. I think that says something.

Do something nice for yourself today.


Wow. That was really difficult to write. I kept feeling the need to edit it in such a light that I wouldn't be perceived as full of myself. I had to keep telling myself, "What would you say about this to a friend in your shoes? Would you worry what people might think if you said those things to a friend?"

So, here I am. Ready to think more often before I speak. About others, and about myself.


Amazing Racer said...

And now, I will leave the computer for more tissue...

Amazing. As in Y.O.U. are amazing.

Once again humbled by the fact I get to be a part of your journey. Thanks for continuing the lesson taught tonight.