Monday, September 24, 2007

Growing Pains

Well, I suppose my friends and family are sick of hearing this, but, my Cutie is SO big. I have been saying this for like a year now, and I am sure that I will continue to feel this way as she breezes through toddlerhood. Sometimes, I find myself watching her and it almost hurts to see her maturing, changing and transforming from a baby to a little girl. I am really mourning it. I was unable to figure out why. I am really loving this stage. Minus the screaming tantrums, no's and the new pinching/biting/hitting, I really enjoy seeing her do new things. I love the new stage of interaction we have. The way our relationship is changing and developing.

I have been thinking about it this week and I think I have it figured out. My heart is mourning the fact that her daddy is missing it all. It is so bittersweet to send him pictures and videos of all her new milestones. He loves hearing about her and seeing her, but it just makes him miss home so much more. The infant stage is not my husband's favorite. He was ok when he missed the rolling over, sitting up, I think even the crawling and walking were fun for him to see in pictures and videos. But, honestly, I don't think was overly sad that he was missing it. (Now, don't get me wrong here...he missed it, it just wasn't on the same level.) But, the language development, the running, playing, interacting...these are tough. This is the time when he really starts to think that kids are fun. Each time he calls and I have her talk to him or he sees her on the webcam he asks, "When did that happen?" With each video I send of a skill she couldn't master last week, he asks, "When did that happen?" It breaks my heart. I am tempted to not tell him and let him be surprised when he sees her next month. I have prayed more than anything that the Lord will allow them to have a strong connection despite the separation they have lived throughout most of her life. That they will "know" one another. That they would know the little details of what makes them distinctly who each one of them are. I have felt it impressed upon my spirit over and over that in order to do that, I have to share. I share with him the little things: her attention to detail, her love of running and spinning circles, how she seems to think that she is as big as all her friends (who are years older), her incredible balance, and her desire to have all things fair-for everyone, not just herself. These are some of the many things that make her uniquely her. I also share with her who her daddy is. How much he loves and misses her. How much he loves me. How he loves and misses his truck (If you know him, you know this is true:). I tell her about things he likes and ways that she is like him throughout our days.

As I press through this stage, I simultaneously smile as I think of them reunited and cry a little as I imagine his heart breaking wide open when he sees her and the reality of all he has missed in her short little life hits him. So, if you overhear someone ask me how old she is, don't be surprised by the hesitation in my answer. I have not forgotten how old she is, I am all too aware. It's just that I really do struggle to say she is "almost two".


Amazing Racer said...

So big!

My prayer is that while Major's heart my burst, he will rest in God's plan for your family that includes this time of separation. I know Corporal Cutie is going to be excited to have her daddy here. She already loves him as you have taught her well!