A day that changed me...

I sit here eating my grandmother's strudel. My cousin made it and sent me home with a whole loaf. I was not planning on eating any. As I remember it, it is dry and not incredibly flavorful. But, I was hungry and craving something sweet after the day I had. (I obviously have some work to do on my emotional eating, but that's for another post.) What caught me off-guard was that as I took one bite into that strudel it took me back 15 years. Memories flooded my senses. Then, I became quite nostalgic. My grandmother has been gone for 12 years. Tomorrow was her birthday. Tomorrow is the Cutie's birthday. With each bite of that strudel, I was knitting it all together in my mind... On my grammy's 10th birthday in heaven, my little girl came screaming into this world. I can picture my sweet grammy lighting up at her little face. She would want to hold her, but her frail body would not allow it. And then I wondered, do you think Jesus introduced them before my little one entered this world? Do you think He told grammy that Cutie would be her namesake? The one to carry on her name for another generation. And just maybe He would introduce Cutie to Grammy so she would know of whom we speak when we tell her the story of her special birthday? I don't have any idea and the Lord may be reading this over my shoulder thinking, "No, child, it doesn't work that way." But, either way, imagining it makes me smile.

Happy Birthday, my angel!

Random facts about my little Cutie:

• She loves fountains: large shooting fountains, small running fountains, even drippy drinking fountains: all things fountains. Just wait until she meets the chocolate fountain:)
  
• She loves m & m's. So did my grammy, she called them smile pills.
  
• She loves passionately and she cries passionately.
• When I ask her, "Who is your best friend?" She says, "Mommy." When I ask her "Who is Mommy's best friend?" She says, "Daddy." I love that.
• In the past week she has started hating her crib. She is currently sleeping on her mattress on her bedroom floor.
• She has a mischievous look where she turns her head, looks out the corner of her eyes and flashes a cheesy smile. It makes me smile every time.
• That look has managed to allude the camera for a month now.
• She loves to torture my dad by pretending she doesn't like him and then asking for him as soon as he is out of sight. As soon as he reappears, she completely blows him off. (It is quite rude and it hurts my dad's feelings - She is unmoved.)
• She is very detailed and likes things to be a certain way. If you change it when she is not looking, she notices right away.
  
• She likes to wear boy clothes.
• She is my #1 fan. She loves me and offers grace to me each and every day that challenges me to be a better mom and a better woman.
  
• She prayed independently last week for the first time. It was beautiful!
  

She truly is the light of my life. Her entrance into this world rocked mine. I have learned that I don't have it all together. Somedays, I don't have any of it together.

To my Baby Girl: I am honored to be your mom. I am humbled at the task that I am entrusted to care for you while your daddy is defending our freedom. And I am thankful for the joy that you bring to my day to day life. Thank you for being just who you are: the beautiful little girl that God made you to be. I love you, angel.

Lord, I am overwhelmed as I look back over the past 2 years of her life. Overwhelmed that you would have chosen us to be her parents. We really didn't know what we were doing back then. And frankly, we don't know too much more now. She is so fun and spirited and opinionated. Please don't ever let us crush those things as we try to lead her in this life. Please extend grace in the many parenting mistakes we make. Allow her to look back and see You instead of us and our humanity. Lord, I pray that you would help us to teach her about You. And God, may she see love when she looks at us. Love for one another, love for her, and more than anything else: love for You. And God, may her third year be even better than the first two. In Jesus' name. Amen.