Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Reviewing the Year


Tonight, an absolutely wonderful woman from my church came up to me and said, "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, but I just wanted to apologize if I have offended you with anything I've said about Dirty Job. I'm just protective of him and in that I probably say things sometimes that I shouldn't." Now mind you, not a single thing came to mind when she made this statement. Not a one. I can't remember her being anything but nice. So I told her that. We chatted a few more minutes and before she left I told her if there had been anything I had done to make her feel like she was offending me, that I was sorry. She reciprocated that, yes, indeed, that had happened. I wanted to say so much more than I did. I simply replied with the statement that it's been a difficult year for me, one that started off with a really uncertain diagnosis and went from there. In her so sweet way, she hugged me and all was well. She shared that we may not always see it, but that God had been preparing me through some exposure to another boy with autism who was at our church for a season.


After getting home and putting my kids to bed, I processed that conversation with some ice cream and sausage. I know, a pretty sick combo. But it was breakfast sausage that we had had for dinner. Because I'm gourmet like that. Off track...


I can't help but wonder, have I been a total jerk face to my local body of Christ over the last year? Have I failed to be friendly and open? Did I take those who have rejected my son or my family in some way and assign their feelings to the entire congregation??? Did I presume because some people who were close to me disappointed me with their lack of support that no one would support us? I'm not sure how to answers these questions. In fact, in being completely honest these question make me want to run straight for a half gallon of ice cream. No lie. Because if I can answer yes to any of those, I have a serious amount of apologies to make! I know I mess up, but could I have really missed the mark in such an exponentially awful way?


I don't know. But you'd better believe that I'm taking it to the One who does. He's faithful to tell me the truth.

3 comments:

CPT Mom said...

This post is equally as beautiful as that picture of your boy.

Elizabeth said...

Autism is such a hard diagnosis to take. Next month will be a year since we found out about Zack's and it has been the hardest year of my life. Not because of Zack's behavior (which has been difficult at time) but because of my own conflict going on within me. And in all honesty, I also haven't been the open-and-loving person my friends and family used to know. I find thoughts to blame for it like "there's no time to make everyone happy with this, this, and that on my plate" but it's all just excuses to make me feel better when I forget someone's birthday or send a late Christmas card. I guess I just want to say that I'm there with you too. People have asked me if they've offended me because I have been short with them. I promise them that no, it has nothing to do with them and that I'm sorry but my mind has been elsewhere. Autism is not a life sentence. It isn't the end of the world. In fact, Zack is the most amazing 3-yr-old boy I have EVER seen and I've been around a lot of kids in my life. His personality is just... well, I know now that God isn't giving him a rough hand in life with Autism, He has BLESSED him with some extraordinary abilities! It has taken me the better part of a year to see it that way and now, I'm at peace within myself again and I'm able to give the people around me the love and attention they deserve! I hope you're able to sort through everything and maybe just-because cards of "thanks for being part of my life" being sent out could help!

holly said...

Your tough year is beginning to see some beautiful fruit in your life. I'm believing this is just the beginning of a whole new, sweet adventure for your family.