Freedom

Is it insane that 2 adults take 5 kids to Chick Fil A...did I mention the ages of those kids are 8, 4, 3, 2, and 1? Why do I find such joy in that? Why can't I stop laughing about the craziness of it all?

I think it's a rather simple answer. I'm not really going insane. I'm not really using it to cope. Rather, I am really relishing this season in my life. There are very real struggles going on - in my family and in the families of my community of friends. Not struggles like I can't decide which outfit to buy or even my bills are late struggles (though they are, of course). More like struggles of husbands being at war and kids going through autism diagnosis and endless evaluations and tough pregnancies and identity crises and the list goes on and on. And yet, in the midst of all of those things, those life changing events, there is so much freedom to be who I am. At 30 years old, I feel safe enough to uncover the layers. And the joy from that is profound. That I can cry over the injustices of my friends (that sometimes I have caused) and laugh at inappropriate things that just strike me hysterical (that no one else deems even remotely humorous) is freeing. I've never felt more real. I've never felt more "who I really am."

I think it helps that for me, I've found a kindred spirit. Not in that we share the same passions in every area of our life, or that we are bff's or bffae or whatever other acronyms there are. But I see that we share some core life beliefs and that in areas where I am lacking, she and her hubby are examples of how to walk that out in the most difficult of circumstances. She lets me share my guilt and then offers me the same advice that Jesus would...that I have the freedom to do it better next time. Plus, it helps that she laughs inappropriately with me and at me. I'm cherishing the time with her, as I am already anticipating that we won't always have the amount of time to spend together that we do right now.

I am grateful for this season. The Lord is so kind in His gift to me of this time. Of these people. I don't know if I'll always have such amazing friends within arms reach, but I do know that their gift of unconditional love will help keep me authentic. And when they fail at that, they've already taught me that He won't.

One more thing. Swimmer diapers and poop do not mix. Again. But that's a whole 'nother blog.