Thursday, April 3, 2008

Baby Blues

This post title just came to me. I wasn't even sure what it meant. But, as I typed it, it brought with it so many meanings.

The most obvious to me is that our family is so sad over the loss of this precious baby.
Baby Blues.

Baby Boy's trademark color was blue. It looked amazing on him.
Baby Blues.

He had deep blue eyes. When his mama spoke at his service, she described them as eyes that cut straight to her soul.
Baby Blues.

His eyes were big and wide set and competed only with his two giant dimples for your attention.
Baby Blues.

Life has taken on such a weird pace. It is like the world has stopped turning, yet, spins out of control all at the same time.

I should probably explain. This baby is my nephew. He is the son of my very best friend and sister to me. She and I have a connection that I couldn't even begin to explain. We have spent many years like one. Before we were married, our names rolled off the tongue as one. So much so that when our pastor extended her wedding invitation to our church family, he announced it as the wedding of "her name and my name", completely leaving out her future husband. Amidst the uproar, he said, "I knew I was going to do that! I even practiced so I wouldn't do that." You will often catch us speaking of "our kids", including the other's children in that title. And when they found out that they would be having another boy, she said, "I am so glad. Because the Cutie will always be "my girl". You will often hear one of us refer to "my boys and my girl" as if they are siblings.

I loved that little boy as if he were my own. I stayed up with him nights when the colic was bad and his mom and dad needed some sleep. I looked ahead to the days when he would have a little cousin who he could make up silly games for like his brother and Cpl Cutie did for him. And I often joked, "Don't worry Baby Boy, you will grow and your day of retribution will come." Fully expecting that he would grow into a feisty toddler who would give his talkative brother and bossy cousin a run for their money.

I can't believe he is gone. I wish I had held him more. I wish I had prayed over him more. And I wish I could walk into a room one more time and see those big baby blues pleading with me to pick him up.

God, I don't know Your plan in this. I trust in knowing that You have one.
Thank you for the honor of loving him. Thank you for the memories. May they never fade. Thank you for Your unashamed love for this family. It is palpable.


Mary said...


My heart aches for you and your family. I just can't imagine. But I am praying for you and God, I know, is with you all.

Much love and prayers,

Amazing Racer said...

I, too, wish for more hugs, kisses, and dimples. You loved him well, Aunt Captain.