Saturday, May 12, 2007

Sleep Deprived Blog

For the love of Christmas (familiar if you watched Starting Over, yet another reality show that I loved)! Dirty Job went to bed after 11:30 last night. His room catches a TON of morning sunshine (it looks like the sun is actually rising in his room), so I thought I'd be smart and bunk him in with What Not To Wear. I thought he'll definitely sleep until at least 8 then. So I stayed up and caught up on my favorite grown up show...Joke's on me. DJ woke up at the fine time of 5:35am. He has NEVER gotten up that early! I am exhausted. Plus, I had to change a bomb this morning and I keep smelling remnant poop on his person. Suddenly, I'm thinking of Fergie's Glamorous song and I know she envies this life I'm leading...

So yesterday some friends and I had a girls night out. We went to the Improv sideshow, and then to Swensen's for some dessert. Two noteworthy things happened there. #1 - Two people who are trying to lose weight shared the death by chocolate dessert. I won't name names, but Amazing Racer and Captain Mom were two of the pair. The premise of "sharing" that scrumptious dessert caused me to devour it as if I've made no progress in my eating habits. I mean, if my table didn't have 3 other ladies at it, I would've licked the dish it was served in. So this morning I am suffering from a little of what I like to call Catholic guilt. A little history here:

I was raised Catholic by my parents, whom I love very much. In fact, I still like the Catholic church. It just wasn't the best fit for me. Anyhoo, apparently when you leave the Catholic church, you get to take Catholic guilt with you! It's their gift to you. And it is the gift that keeps on giving. So today, I am returning to my roots and have decided that my penance will be to eliminate 4 points from my eating today. You are not supposed to do this, but for me, penance will absolve me from my sin of overindulgence, hence eliminating my guilt. So I'm doing it. I can't take the guilt. It was a essential reminder on how far I have to go on this eating issue in my life. I have to depend on the Lord every time I make a decision of what to put in my mouth...until it becomes a part of who I am. I have to ask why I'm eating and how I feel when I'm eating. I have to keep reminding myself that the process is definitely worth the end result. I want to be healthy...and wear a two piece to the anniversary trip to Hawaii or the Caribbean that my Deadliest Catch will be taking me on!

Wow, I didn't even address #2 yet. After we had our booth, we began to notice an unusually high amount of teenagers coming in. And they kept coming...soon almost the entire restaurant was filled with these teens. The interesting thing about this is that on a whole, they seemed to be socially awkward. So then we began to take guess at what social clique they belonged to...drama kings/queens, choir geeks, bando's, etc...groups that when we were in high school were the weird ones. Of course, I was part of a socially awkward group which will remain nameless so my current friends don't send me into therapy with their laughter. Anyways, I spent some time observing their interactions and all around awkwardness and I came home and still couldn't get it out of my mind. And the bottom line is this...there are still settings where I feel socially awkward. Where I am second guessing who I am, where I am asking, "Am I enough...will they like me" These teens were such a great reminder to look on others with grace and compassion. It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Mean Girls, when Cady breaks through the cliques and everyone gets a piece of the Spring Fling crown. Really, isn't that what Jesus came to do? Well, not give everyone a piece of the Spring Fling crown, but to break through cliques and offer His salvation, and with that, become co-heirs in the Kingdom? (I know, you didn't know Mean Girls could have a meaningful lesson). And why am I, at 30, still bounding people to a label? I want the freedom to be different, to make better choices daily...why don't I offer that to others? We are all so valuable in the Lord's sight...and I need to see people through His value. I need to been seen by others through His value of me...

Wow, apparently I like to talk (type) alot about things that are only meaningful to me...oh well. Happy Saturday.


LessOfUs said...

Yeah for social awkwardness.

Without it, I fear, we may forget that this world is not our home.