Baby Blues

This post title just came to me. I wasn't even sure what it meant. But, as I typed it, it brought with it so many meanings.

The most obvious to me is that our family is so sad over the loss of this precious baby.
Baby Blues.

Baby Boy's trademark color was blue. It looked amazing on him.
Baby Blues.

He had deep blue eyes. When his mama spoke at his service, she described them as eyes that cut straight to her soul.
Baby Blues.

His eyes were big and wide set and competed only with his two giant dimples for your attention.
Baby Blues.






Life has taken on such a weird pace. It is like the world has stopped turning, yet, spins out of control all at the same time.

I should probably explain. This baby is my nephew. He is the son of my very best friend and sister to me. She and I have a connection that I couldn't even begin to explain. We have spent many years like one. Before we were married, our names rolled off the tongue as one. So much so that when our pastor extended her wedding invitation to our church family, he announced it as the wedding of "her name and my name", completely leaving out her future husband. Amidst the uproar, he said, "I knew I was going to do that! I even practiced so I wouldn't do that." You will often catch us speaking of "our kids", including the other's children in that title. And when they found out that they would be having another boy, she said, "I am so glad. Because the Cutie will always be "my girl". You will often hear one of us refer to "my boys and my girl" as if they are siblings.

I loved that little boy as if he were my own. I stayed up with him nights when the colic was bad and his mom and dad needed some sleep. I looked ahead to the days when he would have a little cousin who he could make up silly games for like his brother and Cpl Cutie did for him. And I often joked, "Don't worry Baby Boy, you will grow and your day of retribution will come." Fully expecting that he would grow into a feisty toddler who would give his talkative brother and bossy cousin a run for their money.

I can't believe he is gone. I wish I had held him more. I wish I had prayed over him more. And I wish I could walk into a room one more time and see those big baby blues pleading with me to pick him up.

God, I don't know Your plan in this. I trust in knowing that You have one.
Thank you for the honor of loving him. Thank you for the memories. May they never fade. Thank you for Your unashamed love for this family. It is palpable.

Dirty Job's Easter Hunt

Dirty Job immeadiately understood that there was candy inside of the plastic eggs.
Each time he found an egg, he wanted to stop, open it up, and shove the candy into his mouth.

I tried to convince him to keep hunting for the eggs and worry about the candy later, but he would have none of that. Reminds me of a song I know... He got it from his mama!

Now Introducing...

the little ones who bring us great joy and many silly tales.

What Not to Wear, Corporal Cutie and Dirty Jobs

What Not to Wear was really representin' this day. Note the one pant leg tucked into the pink cowboy boot.

I love these kids and their friendship. It brings my heart much joy.



Due to circumstances of the past couple of weeks, the Racer and I haven't spent much time together and our kids hadn't gotten together for their very regular playtimes. On Saturday, they stopped by our house and we had a reunion of sorts. It was all too adorable when What Not to Wear and Cpl Cutie went running to each other, squealing, arms wide open and embraced. They have a flair for the dramatic, ya know. Dirty Jobs wanted in on it and came running full force toward them. Then in typical boy fashion, he blew right by them and headed straight for the playroom. It brought some much needed smiles to this mama's face.

Overwhelming Grief

There is no sugar-coating it. So, I am just going to say it.

My 8 month old nephew passed away unexpectedly in his sleep.

It is hard for me to even say it. It feels so surreal. Even though I have walked with them through each step of this, it feels simultaneously unreal and more real than anything else.

I need to document it here. I have to try to process through.

I received a call at 4 am. My best friend and sister to me, says, "I need you to be calm. Baby Boy is gone. I need you to pray."

WHAT?!?!

I didn't even have words to pray. Over and over, I just kept saying, "Jesus." And had I not already been awakened by the Cutie before receiving her call, I may have thought it was just a bad dream.

The nightmare has continued as I have walked with my very best friends as they have chosen burial plots and made funeral arrangements. I have offered support as they have had to make decisions that any parent, especially grieving parents, should never be expected to make. But, through it all, the Lord has sent His provision. He has sent people along the way to help walk them through this. There was the man at our prayer service only 3 days before who felt led to pray for their family, out of the blue. There was the detective who happened to be a friend. There was the flower delivery guy who prayed with the father as he dropped off flowers at their home. And there have been the many friends who have just been there. Just been there to listen or to talk if needed. They have been there to bring food and even run out for toilet paper. And, most importantly, those who have been praying. We have felt their prayers. Seen them holding them up when they could not stand.

Our God is big. He is bigger than this...and this is huge. He has provided each moment of each day. And, I know He won't ever stop.

But, it hurts.

Please pray. Pray specifically for the mother and father of this sweet angel. For his big brother, who is 4 1/2. For his grandparents. And, for my Cutie. Those boys are the closest thing she has to a sibling. And, I want her to remember him.

Hug your family close today. This life is but a whisper.

On the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, our family suffered from it's own shock and awe.

Please pray for my very large, very shaken family.

Tales from the Scales

Well, I have been absent for a couple of weeks. There have been a few different reasons for this, but the one big reason is that I have gained. I have discovered that this is not a good reason for me to stay away. I need the accountability!

So, here I am to admit to all of you that over the past couple of weeks, I have gained 5 pounds...ouch!

There are a couple of reasons for this, some legitimate, others, not so much...
I was sick for a month and was eating little. This sparked a big weight loss.
Then I started eating again. This sparked a weight gain.
Then I started eating everything I could get my hands on.
And I didn't stop.

Here I am today committing to getting back on the wagon and holding on.

Updated Stats:
Starting weight: 188.4
Today's weight: 156.0
Total loss: 31.6

Goals for the week:

• more water, less diet soda
• eat more at home
  
• take healthy snacks with me in the car
  

Ponderings...

...also known as, more random stuff that I think about.

• Can a 2 year old taste caffeine?
  
• Does caffeine even have taste?
• Why didn't it occur to me to check the bottom of the shoe for dog poop instead of re-checking the clean diaper 86 times?
• Did someone drop by today and mess up my house while I was gone?
• Is someone going to stop by tomorrow and clean it up?
  
• Why does watching weight loss shows make me want to eat?
• Come to think of it...why does everything make me want to eat right now?

These are just some of the many random thoughts plaguing my mind right now. I thought you might like a glimpse.

And, it has been a while since we have had any random posts.

You know you have missed them :)