Healing Balm

We had a seriously convicting message in church this morning. I was feeling pretty battered and bruised even just a few minutes in. On top of that, there are so many really big things going on in the lives of many of my friends. I am overwhelmed by the enormity of it at times. So, I was feeling a little fragile, as I like to say.

Toward the end of service, I stepped out for a moment. When I came back in, one of the babies in the back row smiled at me. He followed me with his eyes. So, I leaned in to say hello. When I did, he leaned toward me. I asked if I could hold him. His mama obliged. I stood in the back singing worship songs to my Lord holding that sweet baby boy. As his little body settled into mine, I could feel his heart beating against my chest. As I swayed to the music, he lay still against my shoulder. And as I rested my face against this little blonde haired, blue eyed cutie, the tears began to fall. I closed my eyes and realized that this is the first time I have meaningfully held a baby since Baby Blues passed away. The first time that I held a baby and allowed myself to think about it. And while unanswered questions flooded my mind, it was a healing balm to my soul.

I handed that sweet little guy back to his mama with hair wet from my tears. And I thanked the Lord for using that little guy to apply some much needed salve to my wounded heart.