Just Because

Because you are beautiful, inside and out. Because you wear your feelings on your sleeve. Because you think your Daddy hung the moon. Because you love God's Word. Because you love animals, babies, and school. Because you would protect your brother from anything. Because you believe the best of people. Because your laugh is contagious. Because you reverse your letters. Because you are losing teeth faster than I have money to put under your pillow. Because you are quick to forgive. Because you mother anyone and anything. Because you love Jesus...

Because a diagnosis doesn't define you or your capabilities. Because you are smart. Because you are adventurous. Because you have the best smile. Because you say things like, "Be happy, Mommy" when you are in trouble. Because you pray to Jesus. Because you are always excited to see me. Because you love your Sissy. Because you think Grandma Poppa's house is the doorway to Disneyland. Because you would eat fruit all day long. Because you love computer games. Because you give 'Big Hugs." Because you have some fantabulous manners. Because you are beating the odds...



...I am one blessed Momma.

Huh?

Things to take to the hospital when I go to feed the baby:

milk- check

pump accessories- check

camera- check

outfit for baby- check

bottle of water- check

mommy guilt- check. check.

I am finding it difficult to balance spending time with baby boy at the hospital and spending time with my girl at home.  I haven't even begun to try and get some time with my husband in the past 2 weeks.  I know that now that I am a mother of two, I will face this, but this situation I was so quickly thrust into has left me feeling quite inadequate.  I am ill prepared in how to divide my time between two little people who need me/want me so much and are in two seperate locations.  I will come up with a plan that seems to work and then the slightest thing has me doubting myself.  So, you know, like all the rest of motherhood...

I am still wading through the emotions of post-partum, dealing with the fact that I have a premature baby, pumping, pumping, pumping, and spending hours at a time behind a drawn curtain.  I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling.  It's all still very surreal.  I know others see it.  I am in a weird state of "I feel emotionless" and "I could burst into tears at any given moment."  And so, I feel the need to apologize.  I know I am not myself right now.  I don't know when I'll be back.  Other people see it.  They know I am not myself.  They get their feathers ruffled.  But, on the other hand, I feel as though they need to see beyond themselves and recognize that my world has been knocked completely off-kilter.  (I know, not a very gracious response- just keepin' it real.)

So, if you see me wandering around with a dazed and confused look on my face.  If you ask me a question and I can't even formulate and answer.  If I seem to be incapable of processing what you are saying to me.  If I write a post consisting of all sentence fragments.

Know that it's not you...it's me.

It's Official...

...that little baby in the isolette warmer has stolen this mama's heart.

I don't think I have looked at him one time without the thought, "He is so beautiful" entering my mind. The Lord has chosen to bless our family with the most perfect little addition. I can't wait to see how all of this adds up to become his personality some day. He has rocked our world. He has, since the day we first learned of his existance, kept us wondering what lie ahead for our family. And now, as I look at this miniature baby, I wonder, "Where are we going from here?"

I don't have any idea. But, one look at that perfect little guy and I know it's going to be good.


And if my labor is any indication, it will be quite the exciting ride...


baby update:
Yesterday he was unable to leave the isolette most of the day because his temperature would drop upon leaving the warmer. But, this morning I was able to cuddle him for 50 minutes and we were able to keep his temp up. Yay! He also nursed for the first time this morning and did a great job. He latched on and stayed for 10 minutes. He slept about half of it, but it was great for the first time. He did not eat much through the night, so they are putting a feeding tube in this morning. He will continue to nurse in addition to the tube. They tell me this is almost always the rule with a 34 week baby. They end up burning more calories than they can take in while feeding. So, he has had a few setbacks now that we've past the 24 hr mark, but they had told us to expect that also. Overall, he is doing just what they expect a baby born 6 weeks early to do. So, we are pleased with his progress. The Lord knit him together in my womb and we know that He is continuing to "knit" each and every moment.

Guard your Ovaries!

Cpt. Adorable has Arrived!

Cpt Mom had an oh-so-speedy delivery. The little guy was born at 12:38am, weighing in at 4lbs 11oz. He is 19 inches long and has a very active set of lungs - Praise God! The Lord has answered our prayers with many yes' this evening/early morning and we are so, so grateful. He is so, so adorable.

Mama looks amazing, and seeing her hold that sweet thang just made my heart burst!

Please be praying for good sucking reflex for baby, maintenance of his strong lungs, and a fabulous introduction between him and the Cutie later on this morning. We want a healthy baby that can go home with Cpt Mom!

I'll post a picture later on (when I have one on my camera).

And she's off...

to Labor and Delivery!

Please be praying for Cpt Mom and Cpt Adorable. We need peace and high platelets for Mama, and strong lungs and body for Baby.

I'll update when I can.

Cpt Mom, you are one strong mama. You held onto this boy for 5 days (6 really) and that is so, so good. I am so proud of you and how you are walking this stage of your life with such grace. I can't wait to see that precious baby boy. I'm just positive he's gonna come out with God's fingerprints all over him. I love you, my friend.

idk...

Hospital Update: Day 5.

I had a long night's sleep last night. I have woken up by 3am every other day. So, a full 8 hours of sleep was quite magnificent! They have had me on the look out for any changes in my fluid. This morning, I had some changes. I was fearful that I may be developing a much dreaded infection. Thankfully, after much discussion with the nurses and after seeing the dr, they determined that there is no concern of infection. Yay!

I became a little emotional when I thought something might be wrong. It's funny how the emotions sneak up on me. I am a girl who tends to be a little out of touch with my emotions.

The dr told me today that they will test the fluid again on Monday to see if the lungs are mature. If they are, they will induce me on Tuesday. If not, I will be 35 weeks on Thursday and will be induced then. Apparently the advantage of leaving him in the womb with broken membranes no longer outweighs the risk of infection after 35 weeks. So, it seems as though we will have a baby next week. Wow! I still can't seem to wrap my mind around that.

Well, the newest development is that it seems I am showing signs of early labor. My contractions have picked up a wide pattern and I am showing signs of cervical activity. Since I didn't go into labor with the Cutie, I don't actually know what any of this means. My husband keeps asking me how long I think it will be now. I have NO idea. I haven't ever done this before. And they are having me lay flat and stay still to try to slow the progress. So, what does this mean? Again, I have no idea. I guess it means I could have a baby today, tomorrow, or next week. Because I am so unsure, I haven't even contacted the family to let them know. Because I just don't know what to say. "Umm, hi. I thought you might want to know that I may or may not be going into labor." That's not really helpful, now is it??

So, I guess I will just keep laying around and see if there are any new developments through the night...