The Prodigal

Our pastor has been preaching the past 2 weeks on the parable of the Prodigal Son. I can't say I have "enjoyed" it because the series has brought much conviction to my life. I can't seem to get it out of my head. And, frankly, I am at a place in which I feel a little annoyed at all the conviction. (Just keepin' it real, folks.) But, I don't ever want to knowingly ignore something the Lord is trying to teach me- even when it hurts. So, I feel the need to work it out a little here on "paper". I love how an old story that I have heard so many times can become new as something else is revealed that I never noticed before. The Lord's Word is so rich.

In all the years that I have read the story of the Prodigal Son, I have always noticed the parallels to our relationship to the Lord. We are the prodigal, He is the father. We recognize our need for Him. He, in His goodness and faithfulness and unconditional love, runs to us. He throws a party when another child willingly enters His kingdom. It's a great story. You can read it here in Luke.

Last week, the focus was on the role of the father. The father allowed the son to live as he chose. He did not heap guilt on the son for his choices. He gave his son the inheritance he asked for even though it brought much shame to his house in the eyes of the world. The father was willing to be undignified in front of others by running to greet his son. And, the father sees his son's heart upon his return. He never focused on his words or actions. He gave the son his best and celebrated. And the part that I haven't been able to get out of my mind...he fattened a calf in expectation that the son would return. This was when it really hit home. In some relationships in my life, I am the father. Not, The Father, but the father. Others have squandered my love for them. And how do I react? I say that I am expecting their return and that I will go to them in unconditional love. But, frankly, I expect that if I were to run to them today, I would bring some words of guilt and condemnation along with me. I certainly have not been "fattening a calf" in my expectation. So, while I may be the father in my role, I am certainly not the father in my actions.

And this week, the focus was on the older brother. I won't lie, when the pastor began, I didn't even want to hear what he had to say about this. I knew enough about the story to know that the brother was bitter and angry. And honestly, I am bitter and angry about some things in my life. The brother harbored unforgiveness in his heart toward his younger brother. The older brother not only harbored bitter feelings toward his brother, but also toward the father for his unconditional love. The brother was so focused on the work he did for his father's house, that he had lost sight of why it was important (the relationship). And, he was angry because his brother didn't deserve the attention he was getting. He hadn't earned it. He had squandered his father's riches and brought disgrace. Shouldn't he pay at least a little for that? And, more than anything, the brother was pouting and having a pity party because it was unfair that he had made the right choice and he didn't even get a goat for his own celebration. Yes, indeed, I can relate to the brother. And, then it was clear. In those same relationships, I am actually the brother. I say that I want the "lost one" to come home, but when I see them coming, I am bitter and angry and filled with feelings of injustice. I am unwilling to go out and greet them. I want them to have to make the walk alone as others watch. I want them to feel the weight of their choices. I feel as though I often make the better choice and then am jealous when I do not receive a party in my honor. For the first time, I can see deep into my heart. Inside I find some bitterness, unforgiveness, pride and a little bit of self-righteousness. Eeeww. As I type all this out, I am embarrassed by my attitude. I am tempted to delete those last few sentences, because it reveals a part of my heart that is ugly. A part that, frankly, I don't want others to know exists. But, I know that the Lord honors our efforts when we are willing to be honest and vulnerable. I want to change it. I want to cleanse the ugly parts of my attitude. The hope is knowing that God never puts me in a box. He always offers a better way. The brother was just as lost as the prodigal. And when he didn't come in to the party, the father came out to his son. The father did not get a bad attitude toward the older brother and ignore his antics. The good news is that God has not written me off just because I have an ugly attitude. He has an entire inheritance that already belongs to me because I am His. I have been failing to recognize the privileges I have as a daughter to the King. I don't need a party or fattened calf to celebrate. Each and everyday I get to live out the blessings of the Father's love. And, most importantly, he reveals His Word to show me the better way.

So, today, even though I have been living like the brother, I am striving to act like the father. And, I am confident in His ability to show me the way.

I am already anticipating the lesson in which my role as the prodigal becomes more clear.

And who knows which other roles we will learn about. Maybe the fattened calf...I am sure there is some spiritual lesson there to be had.

happy birthday

Dear Dinoboy,

It's your sixth birthday today. I am having a difficult time reconciling that to myself.

You were the one who first made me an aunt. You taught me what it was to love other people's children like my own. And you were the first one to melt my heart with your spoken word. You will always be the one who cracks me up.

You have become such a boy. You love Star Wars and dinosaurs and Legos and guns. You love to run and jump and play. You are expressive and always have a story to tell. I don't think a week has gone by since you learned to speak that you haven't made me laugh out loud. Your heart is tender and sensitive yet you are as sarcastic as they come. It is a unique blend that makes you oh-so-special. You are an amazing big brother as you continue to honor your little brother's life. You are a fabulous cousin. You are loving and protective (not to mention, a little antagonistic). The Cutie looks up to you and copies your every move. I know you find it annoying now, but someday you will see the compliment in it. You are a very special boy and I can't wait to see what the Lord has for you in the years to come.

Happy Birthday.

I love you,

Aunt D.

Because I Can't Actually Say it This Well.

Hi. I'm the other author of this blog. The one who has been, well, absent.

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/06/566-discounting-our-small-steps-toward.html

Techno isn't my kryptonite, but some other things are.

I had this conversation with someone the other day.

Her: You look tired.

Me: I know.

Her: (Pointing to the bags under my eyes.)

Me: That's just how it is when you have young kids. I slept from 10:30 to 1:30 last night.

Her: That's really great. I am sure you really needed it.

Me: Huh? (blank stare)

Her: (Blank stare back at me)

Me: Oh. I slept from 10:30pm to 1:30am. I got 3 hours of sleep.

Her: Oh.

Me: (in my head)...as if I could sleep until 1:30 in the afternoon...ever.

It was a good reminder that, someday, I will get back to a normal sleep schedule and forget about this back-breaking tired that is the life of a mom with young kids.

I am not wishing it away, however. That would mean my kiddos were grown up.

And I am definitely not ready for that!

I'll take the tired so I can relish in these days of cuddles and kisses and tickles, etc.

FIRE!

A friend sent me this link tonight. It really got me thinking.

My favorite line from the movie is when Caleb's friend tells him that fireproof doesn't mean that fires won't come, it means that you can survive the fire when it does come. My marriage has survived some fires. I'd like to say that it is fireproof.

We are currently in a fire- A raging, all-encompasing, 3 alarm fire. Some moments I feel as though I will suffocate from the lack of oxygen.

We are not the only ones present at the house fire. Our friends and family are there. Those who are standing with us through this time. Those who go to the Fire Marshall on our behalf. They stand on the ladder truck and fight with us, for us. They are willing to speak the hard truth, even when we don't want to hear it. They encourage us and pray to our Father. They feel the heat. Their hair is singed by the heat of the flames. They saw the flames begin to flicker. And they were right there with their garden hoses. They are the firefighers to our house fire. They refuse to give up until the flames are out. They recognize the intent of those flames is to kill us and they wage battle against them on our behalf. And I am oh-so-grateful.

There are others as well. There are the neighbors. They did not see the fire until it was fully raging. And, they are concerned. They see the firefighters are there and they are comforted. They see the fire, make some precautions to ensure the safety of their own home and come out to stand a safe distance away and watch. They send out a prayer for our safety. They want to be sure that we make it out alive. They smell of smoke.

And there are the onlookers. They work in the cafe across the street. They were too busy to notice the flames when they first began to flicker. And now that it's fully raging, they can see that someone else has already called 911. They stop what they are doing. They whisper a prayer of thanks that their home is safe and sound.

I have been each of these- the firefighter, the neighbor and the onlooker at times. And when our fire is out and the damage is repaired, I hope that I remember these lessons. God wants us to fight for marriage. Our own and others. There is no fire too big for Him. No fire that he can't "proof" us against.

As the fire still rages, the damage remains to be seen. But I am hopeful. Hopeful that when the last flame is snuffed out, our house will stand. Strong and steady. Fireproof. We won't have avoided the fires, but withstood them all.

Look who has a double chin!!

No...it's not me.

(I mean, I do...but that's not who we are talking about here.)

This little guy just blows my mind. 6 weeks ago today, he was just begining his life and he was skin and bones. Today, he has a double chin and some tiny rolls on his thighs.

It might be the extra calorie formula, or maybe it's all those mama kisses. Those add pudge don't they??

The best laid plans...

Yesterday was my due date. A few months ago, I was convinced that on this day, I would most likely be sitting here wondering when my baby boy's birthday was going to come. I figured I would be praying that I would not have to be induced again. And most likely, I would be hot, hot, hot - 10 months pregnant living on the surface of the sun. I figured that like his sister, he would keep us waiting and on this day we would be preparing for a LONG labor.

Well, I was wrong on all fronts. His birthday arrived 6 weeks early. I did not have to be induced. In fact, they had me lay in bed all day to try and slow the process as much as possible. I am still hot here on the surface of the sun, but instead I am post-partum. And, there was definitely not a long labor. With the Cutie I progressed from 2 to 10 in 18 1/2 hours. With Adorable- in 1 1/2 hours.

This baby boy rocked my world. I was in shock for days, maybe weeks, after his birth. He made it very clear that he was going to be his own person. He is not planning on copying his sister's every move. Not even close. And based on the past few months, I would say he doesn't want anyone trying to make plans for him. He is going to carve out his own way in this world.

A little bit about my little man:

The more noise, the better he sleeps. He is extremely portable. He sleeps well. He has himself on a strict every 3 hour eating policy. He has blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. He is perfectly cuddly. He is strong and healthy. He is our little miracle.

Lord, thank you for loving us enough to deny our plans for our baby boy. I know that you have a bigger, much better plan for his life than I could ever come up. Thank you for our miracle. Please give us the wisdom to raise him in such a way that brings honor to you. And Lord, remind us to teach him daily about you that he would grow to be a man who loves and honors God with his life. Amen.