huh?

Has it really been a month since I checked in here? I thought I was only a week behind. Not like me to be so disorganized. Ok, it's actually totally like me! I am definitely a work in progress. I seem to continue having the same struggles week after week. Can you say slow learner?? That's me. Last weigh in: 173.5 this week: 172.0 -------------------------- - 1.5 As long as I keep heading in the right direction, I will call it success. I am wearing clothes I haven't worn for years and also wearing things I never thought I would...skinny jeans, anyone? Slow and steady wins the race. That's my mantra for today.

Checking in

This week was better, but I am still struggling to master some of my bad habits. I did some meal planning over the weekend and I know it always helps when I have a plan. It has been unseasonably cold here (actually cold, not cool) and that is definitely impacting my water intake. So, some measurable goals for the week are: *Drink 6 glasses of water per day. *Take lunches and snacks with me each day. *Do exercise video 3 times this week. Last week: 174.5 Today: 173.5 ---------- Total -1.0

In the New Year

I have been absent for over a month. Life got busier and I didn't make this eating journey a priority. My last weigh in was 176.0 Today I weigh in at 174.5 -------- Total I am down. -1.5 I am actually encouraged by this because I have not been tracking, not drinking much water and definitely have been making some terrible food choices from time to time. Today is the day that I am back at it. I have had a healthy breakfast am making a lunch and snacks for work so that I do not sabotage myself out of convienince when hungry. Happy New Year! Here's hoping that 2013 is the year that I master this eating healthy battle.

The eating holiday

Well, I made it through Thanksgiving. We tried to set up the menu with healthy options. I stuck with turkey and veggies and ate the low points dessert I made. I had one bite of my favorite pie. One bite is a real victory as I am the type that has difficulty pushing it away after the first taste. I have been, however, failing in the water and exercise department. So, these are my main areas to work on this week: -drink more water -get some exercise Last week: 177.5 Today: 176.5 -------- Total: - 1.0

Still at it

I havent checked in for a while. I really want to keep a record here for my own reflection. I weighed in today at 177.5. This is a total loss of 12 pounds. I am feeling good about it and it feels as though I have made some positive changes so far. While I have had ups and downs and wavering commitment levels, I feel as though I have made some positive changes in my eating. I have made better choices even at the times when I felt like it didnt matter. I pray that these changes stick for a lifetime and continue to bring about more lasting change.

this week

Well, I am really struggling to get my feet under me in this weight loss journey.  Last week I lost momentum and did a poor job in tracking and drinking water.  A couple of times I made poor food choices and I didn't even care.  Not good.

With that being said, here are the weigh in results:
Last week:     180.0
Today:           181.0
                -----------
               gain     1.0

Goals for this week:
*Drink.More.Water.
*Journal all my eating

I hope to be back next week with some victories to report.

Where I am at...

I forgot to write last week and I really want to have a record of this journey.  So here are the weigh in results for weeks 4 and 5:

previous week:   184.0
last week:           182.0
                      -----------
                            -2.0  pounds

last week:           182.0
today:                 180.0
                      -----------
                             -2.0 pounds

Yay!  Beginning weight 189.5, so that's a 9.5 pound loss.  It has taken me a long time to get here, but I feel like I am getting better at this each week.  I am looking for lifestyle change, so slow and steady can get me there! (I sometimes have to remind myself as I watch the scale...)

Weighing in: Yet again

It was a tough week.  I had some emotional stuff come up and emotional exhaustion sends me into default mode.  Default mode is I just start running on auto pilot and not making a plan. So, all of a suden, I am hungry and I don't have any healthy choices available.  In good news, I did not go over my points most days.  But, I did not eat the healthiest choices nor did I drink enough water.  I didn't write down my points either.  Like I said: default mode.

I do, however, consider it a victory that I did not default into emotional eating whatever I could get my hands on- especially junk food.

Last week's weight:  184.0
This week's weight:  184.0
                           -----------
                                   0.0

My goals for this week are to get back to business.  I have already increased my water intake and I will be writing my points each day- good, bad or ugly.  I am once again packing healthy snacks for work and I will pack a lunch or have a plan as to what I will eat for lunch.  New goal for this week is make a better dinner plan for our family!

Weighing in for the 3rd time.

Week 2 is complete and I feel like I made some good progress.  I struggled at the beginning of the week and one day I just said "I don't care" and ate at Sonic.  Then I was offered some cookies and I ate those too.  I was frustrated with myself and it took me about a day and a half to recover, but I did it.  I was proud of myself for not giving up.  I have a history in my weight loss journey of giving up when I feel defeated.  But I pushed through and had some really good days as well.

Some victories:  I drank more water.  I ate within my points most days.  I found some yummy recipes on pinterest that are low points and are helping me get out of the cooking rut I was in.  I found a couple of healthy choices at the gas station where I stop in for bathroom and drink breaks, so I have some good options if I am hungry and needing something to eat.

To work on this week:  Keep at it.  Add some exercise.

Last week's weight:  185.5
Today's weight:        184.0
----------------------------
Difference:                  -1.5

Weigh in: Duece

I want to reflect on this first week a little to have documentation for myself.  The first week back on ww was powerful for me.  The first 2 days I went over my points and I was feeling discouraged with myself.  I made myself write down all of the points I ate even when I went over for accountability's sake.  I also reminded myself that messing up does not need to ruin my entire journey.

This week's victories:
*I drank almost 5 glasses of water per day.
*I ate within my points for 5 days this week and used 26 extra weekly points.
*I was out of town for 3 days.  In the past this would have given me reason enough to eat whatever I wanted.
*I feel like I made the first steps in changing my relationship with food.

Weigh in:    185.5
Last week:  189.5

This week's results:  -4 pounds.                Yay!

Next week's goals:
-drink more water
-stay within points
-make some ww friendly meals for my family

Weigh In: numero uno

Ok, things are worse than I thought.  But, I am not going to let that discourage me!  I am off to a great start this morning.  I have eaten a healthy, protein rich breakfast and packed snacks for my work day.  I have started on my water and have some to take with me in the car.  On my way to victory!!

Today's weight: 189.5 lbs.

I am back!

So in a completely random turn of events, I decided to come back to this blog and write about this new weight loss journey I am going to tackle.  Since my last post here more than 2 years ago, life has taken on a whole new look.  I have been separated, divorced, begun working full time and the one that leads me here today, gained about 15 pounds.  Now, those 15 pounds were on top of my post-pregnancy weight that was about 20 pounds higher than I wanted to be.  So, here I am today, confessing to you that I would really love to lose about 40 pounds.  I am no longer healthy and it is time for a change.

I have had every excuse as to why I wasn't ready to tackle this journey yet.  The Racer and I decided today that if we didn't just do it, ready or not, we may never.  There will always be an excuse.  I have lived enough life over the past 5 years or so to know that there will always be another stressor that I can emotionally eat my way through.  It is time to stop: time to break the cycle!

Here are my goals:

*Post my weight each week.
*Eat within 24 daily points allowing myself the 35 extra weekly points when necessary.
*Track daily points and journal what I eat.
*Work my way up to drinking 10 glasses of water per day.  (This will take a while.)

I am ready to tackle this and I need the accountability in posting it here.

Random - Sure

• It's almost Spring Break. Which has all of my Biology lab partners talking about their travel plans. Which in turn makes me think about how disappointed they will be when they can't take a week off in spring all the time. Which makes me think of my husband, who doesn't get a spring break.
• I am absolutely, completely, utterly thankful for our long winter here. I have declared it the BEST WINTER EVER. Long live The Winter of 09-10. Feel free to stick around for forever.
• Chris and I both cried at the series premiere of Parenthood. YES, there was quite questionable material on the show. And yes, we expected a serious amount of laughter and found it to be lacking. But we are now committed for at least one more week to the character with Aspergers.
• "Twin Day" for spirit week is code for "Things that make moms go over the edge and never return."
• I got a haircut. And color. And I love it.
• I have tests and meetings and therapies for Brody this week. So here I sit, blogging.
• Babies. I love them.

All Done

We will no longer be posting on this blog. We have begun a new blog at a new site.
Thanks, friends.

Just a few finishing touches...

We have made some decisions regarding this little blog of ours. I don't want to throw it all out there without discussing it with the Racer, so I won't be sharing many details. But, I can tell you that we did decide to create a whole new blog. Jenn worked tirelessly on a design and we have a great new layout! We are putting some finishing touches on the page and then we will need to actually write something Then we can share the details with those who are interested.

Unveiling soon...

a work in progress

That title could mean so many things in my life, but I am talking about this blog specifically. My lovely and talented neice (she loves it when I refer to her in that way) Jenn is designing a new blog page for us. We will post more details once it's ready to be revealed. But, just know that it's going to be adorable based on her work!

We have done some soul searching and have made some decisions about what we want from our blog and can't wait to reveal it soon.

In the meantime, some cute stories from my kiddos:

The Cutie started preschool and loves it like I knew she would. She now has imaginary friends. It's so cute. She calls them her fake friends and she likes them to stay the night. Her new best friend at school "talks spanish". She is really becoming independent of her mama. And she is so confident. It's one of the many things I love about her.

Our little guy has grown to ginormous proportions. He is smiling and laughing and sleeping through the night. He brings much joy to our family. Each and everytime I take in his hefty girth, I am overwhelmed. You would never guess this little guy was born 6 weeks early, was skin and bones and that I was told the morning before his birth that they did not think his lungs were fully developed yet. I am confident that the Lord has big plans for each and every one of our lives. And I am so grateful to see His fingrprints all over this 4 month olds life already.

helloooo...anyone there?

So, umm, yeah...we are slacker bloggers. Lots of life has happened over the summer, and we have been debating on why we even do this and what we wanted this here blog to be about. You see, it started out as a weight loss blog and morphed and then, well, we've just been discussing what in the world are we doing?

All that to say, we'll be back. We are revamping, remodeling, and refocusing.

Not that anyone is out there anymore...

He Lives...and so do we.

Why don't we write on here more? I have no idea. Life is busy. I no longer have internet at home. I have so much going on in my head that I am not ready to put out there for all the world to read. But, today has been a big day. And it's only 10:15am.

• My daughter's bus schedule came in the mail today. She starts preschool in less than 2 weeks. She is so adorably excited. When I checked the mail this morning and received the bus time, she asked to hold the card. She set it down in her lap, placed her hands over her mouth and squealed, "I am soooo essited!" My heart turned into a puddle in that instant as I saw my little girl who has matured so quickly over the last 3 months. Being a big sister has really brought her into her own.
• My little guy, who turned 3 months on Saturday, rolled over this morning from his stomach to his back. It made me a little teary as I considered his miraculous little life. Speaking of my "little" guy. He is getting so big! He is over 11 lbs and in the 25 percentile. That's a huge increase from the 4lbs 10oz at birth. A couple of other babies have been born at our church. He looks so giant and so white compared to those dark skinned tiny little babies. They made for some adorable pictures!
• My girl has become a little more fashion conscious these days. She looks more carefully at the colors to make sure they "match". Now, don't get me wrong. She doesn't actually match. If there is any shade of the same color family, to her it matches. This morning she put on some orange biker shorts, a pink tank top and a bathing suit on top that is 3 sizes too big. Now, it technically "matches" because the bathing suit has pink and orange in it. She has yet to allow me a picture, but if she does, I will be sure to post it. It's a doozie...
• I continue to work with Dirty Jobs and I am so blessed to watch that boy grow and change. He has taken off in his language and social development and academically, well, I think he will be reading before you know it. I just love how he takes a label and blows the doors right off of it. Keep on going little man. I can't wait to see what your next year holds!
• Other than that, life is full of smiles and giggles and dishes and difficulites, tantrums and money worries. But, we have got lots of memories in the making and I am oh-so-thankful for the opportunity to watch my kids grow. I am so grateul that even in these difficult economic times, that I still get to be the one who cares for my kids each day. They change so fast. And I am trying to recognize the blessings in all of it.

The Prodigal

Our pastor has been preaching the past 2 weeks on the parable of the Prodigal Son. I can't say I have "enjoyed" it because the series has brought much conviction to my life. I can't seem to get it out of my head. And, frankly, I am at a place in which I feel a little annoyed at all the conviction. (Just keepin' it real, folks.) But, I don't ever want to knowingly ignore something the Lord is trying to teach me- even when it hurts. So, I feel the need to work it out a little here on "paper". I love how an old story that I have heard so many times can become new as something else is revealed that I never noticed before. The Lord's Word is so rich.

In all the years that I have read the story of the Prodigal Son, I have always noticed the parallels to our relationship to the Lord. We are the prodigal, He is the father. We recognize our need for Him. He, in His goodness and faithfulness and unconditional love, runs to us. He throws a party when another child willingly enters His kingdom. It's a great story. You can read it here in Luke.

Last week, the focus was on the role of the father. The father allowed the son to live as he chose. He did not heap guilt on the son for his choices. He gave his son the inheritance he asked for even though it brought much shame to his house in the eyes of the world. The father was willing to be undignified in front of others by running to greet his son. And, the father sees his son's heart upon his return. He never focused on his words or actions. He gave the son his best and celebrated. And the part that I haven't been able to get out of my mind...he fattened a calf in expectation that the son would return. This was when it really hit home. In some relationships in my life, I am the father. Not, The Father, but the father. Others have squandered my love for them. And how do I react? I say that I am expecting their return and that I will go to them in unconditional love. But, frankly, I expect that if I were to run to them today, I would bring some words of guilt and condemnation along with me. I certainly have not been "fattening a calf" in my expectation. So, while I may be the father in my role, I am certainly not the father in my actions.

And this week, the focus was on the older brother. I won't lie, when the pastor began, I didn't even want to hear what he had to say about this. I knew enough about the story to know that the brother was bitter and angry. And honestly, I am bitter and angry about some things in my life. The brother harbored unforgiveness in his heart toward his younger brother. The older brother not only harbored bitter feelings toward his brother, but also toward the father for his unconditional love. The brother was so focused on the work he did for his father's house, that he had lost sight of why it was important (the relationship). And, he was angry because his brother didn't deserve the attention he was getting. He hadn't earned it. He had squandered his father's riches and brought disgrace. Shouldn't he pay at least a little for that? And, more than anything, the brother was pouting and having a pity party because it was unfair that he had made the right choice and he didn't even get a goat for his own celebration. Yes, indeed, I can relate to the brother. And, then it was clear. In those same relationships, I am actually the brother. I say that I want the "lost one" to come home, but when I see them coming, I am bitter and angry and filled with feelings of injustice. I am unwilling to go out and greet them. I want them to have to make the walk alone as others watch. I want them to feel the weight of their choices. I feel as though I often make the better choice and then am jealous when I do not receive a party in my honor. For the first time, I can see deep into my heart. Inside I find some bitterness, unforgiveness, pride and a little bit of self-righteousness. Eeeww. As I type all this out, I am embarrassed by my attitude. I am tempted to delete those last few sentences, because it reveals a part of my heart that is ugly. A part that, frankly, I don't want others to know exists. But, I know that the Lord honors our efforts when we are willing to be honest and vulnerable. I want to change it. I want to cleanse the ugly parts of my attitude. The hope is knowing that God never puts me in a box. He always offers a better way. The brother was just as lost as the prodigal. And when he didn't come in to the party, the father came out to his son. The father did not get a bad attitude toward the older brother and ignore his antics. The good news is that God has not written me off just because I have an ugly attitude. He has an entire inheritance that already belongs to me because I am His. I have been failing to recognize the privileges I have as a daughter to the King. I don't need a party or fattened calf to celebrate. Each and everyday I get to live out the blessings of the Father's love. And, most importantly, he reveals His Word to show me the better way.

So, today, even though I have been living like the brother, I am striving to act like the father. And, I am confident in His ability to show me the way.

I am already anticipating the lesson in which my role as the prodigal becomes more clear.

And who knows which other roles we will learn about. Maybe the fattened calf...I am sure there is some spiritual lesson there to be had.

happy birthday

Dear Dinoboy,

It's your sixth birthday today. I am having a difficult time reconciling that to myself.

You were the one who first made me an aunt. You taught me what it was to love other people's children like my own. And you were the first one to melt my heart with your spoken word. You will always be the one who cracks me up.

You have become such a boy. You love Star Wars and dinosaurs and Legos and guns. You love to run and jump and play. You are expressive and always have a story to tell. I don't think a week has gone by since you learned to speak that you haven't made me laugh out loud. Your heart is tender and sensitive yet you are as sarcastic as they come. It is a unique blend that makes you oh-so-special. You are an amazing big brother as you continue to honor your little brother's life. You are a fabulous cousin. You are loving and protective (not to mention, a little antagonistic). The Cutie looks up to you and copies your every move. I know you find it annoying now, but someday you will see the compliment in it. You are a very special boy and I can't wait to see what the Lord has for you in the years to come.

Happy Birthday.

I love you,

Aunt D.