Growing Boys

Well, hello there. Long time, no blog... That is for a myriad of reasons,but instead of boring you with that, I thought I'd resurface with a picture of my two favorite boys.We took my Hubs to The Happiest Place on Earth for his birthday over Spring Break. Awhile back, my mom had gotten Hubs a t-shirt from there that says Judge Me By My Size, Do You? with a picture of Yoda on the back. The Hubs, well, he's a BIG fan of Star Wars, and by BIG fan, I mean OBSESSED. So anyhow, they had one in my little guys size and Grandma couldn't help but snatch that up for him. The funny part of this t-shirt is the fact that my boys are both tall people. My Hubs is 6'1" and our 4 year old is quite tall and is wearing a size 8 in this

shirt.

So this is them, in line for Space Mountain. Which both of them love.

I'll be back to catch up soon!

Some middle of the night ramblings...

Well, here I am again.  I cruised on into bed around 12am to be awakened by the Cutie at 1am.  I haven't been able to go back to sleep ever since.  (it's almost 4am...)  I don't have any actual organized thoughts, like I had hoped I might.  But, here goes nothing. 

I really need to slow my life down.  I don't know how to do this.  I have so many things I need to get done and so many that I want to get done in a day, that I have a difficult time sitting with my feet up for more than a few minutes at a time before 7 pm.  On Wednesday, I had a day of rest.  I didn't leave the house and I spent some time reading and even dozed a little on the couch.  I did accomplish some things, but not much really.  I didn't wear my maternity belt for half the day and had very few contractions.  The days since then I have been up on my feet for most of the day and while not doing strenous activity, constantly on the go.  Each day since, I have had contractions even while wearing the belt all day.  Hello...See a connection??  Why, yes, maybe I do.  

This is where my head starts messing with me.  I see the value in resting more and doing less.  I feel it even,  I see that I could be, in fact, causing many of these symptoms by my lifestyle.  But, on some level, I still feel as though I am a failure as a wife and mom if I can't do it all myself.  If I can't do all the housework, take my daughter to the library, work, support friends, fix dinner and still be awake to spend time with my husband at the end of the day, that I have not lived up to my end of the bargain.  You know, that unspoken bargain I made with myself, my husband, my daughter and my friends.  

The part where it really gets tricky for me is that, I believe, some people in my life also feel this way.  I feel judged if I don't do all the things I set out to do.  I feel like a disappointment if they have to pick up some of my slack.  And while I know it is perfectly ok to say that I can't do it all, my people pleaser is devestated when I catch the disapproving glances or nuances.  And then the passive-aggressive side of me rears it's ugly head and I want to take it all back, to do it all!  To do even more than before just to prove that I can.  All the while, I am bitter towards others for not recognizing that I need help.  When in fact, how would they know, because I don't want to bother anyone with the way I am feeling, so I usually keep it to myslef.  I know it is a terrible and unhealthy cycle and incredibly unfair to those around me.  Not to mention, irresponsible and unfair to the life inside of me.  But, I am just being real and honest about the things I think about.  (My mind...it's a scary place, people.)

All this to say that in the next couple of months, I am going to be doing some re-evaluating.  I will need to make decisions as to the things I can let others do and the things that can be left undone.  I will need to schedule times to rest even when that means that I may get a disapproving glance.  I may need to skip storytime or a playgroup.  But, most importantly, before I make any decisions, I need to first schedule in time with the One who gives me each and every moment.

Please pray with me that I will seek out some precious time with my Savior and begin to align my priorities with His.  I am so thankful that He uses these difficult times to show me the areas where I need to be refined.  That He loves me enough to push me out of the comfort zone where I have to rely on Him.

A little speechless

I don't have many words this morning, but I feel compelled to make note of today.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day that Baby Blues left this earth and claimed his place in heaven.

If you think of it today, please say a prayer for my friends and family as they walk through the emotions of today.

Baby Blues,

We are so happy that you have begun your new life in heaven.  But, we miss you more than there are words.  Yesterday your mommy and I decorated your headstone.  It looks beautiful.  Today your cousin and friends will send some balloons your way.  I hope they make you smile.

We love you.

a picture update

Here is the only belly shot I have thus far.  I am 27 weeks pregnant and as you can see, I am quite rotund...  That's the Racer talking to our boy.  Hey Racer, can you ask him his name while you are at it???

This is what my girl's hair looked like during the wedding.  Her aunt bff rocked the updo.  It is hard to believe that this little girl had hair so short and thin you could see through it just a year ago...

Here is the Cutie dancing with her cousin.  These two didn't even skip a beat even though they hadn't seen each other in a few months.  They had been counting down the days to be together again.  So, adorable!

These are just a few pictures of the fun we had at a family wedding this weekend.  It was so great to see out of town family and it makes me wish we had more occasions to get together.  

Where do we begin??

Things have been all kinds of crazy around here.  Hopefully one day, when my brain works again, I can form a post that is more than just bullet points.  But for now, it's all I can do.  

(I really don't think it matters, because I am pretty sure we have no readers left out there.  They both gave up on us when we began posting once a quarter...)

• Firstly, who are those big kids in the header??  We had that other picture for so long, that the change seems very drastic to me.
• My husband's brother and my good friend got married this weekend.  It was a crazy, busy, beautiful time. She was a beautiful bride and they looked very much in love.
• I was more tired last night than I can remember feeling since I delivered the Cutie. Now, that was tired!
• For the past 10 weeks, I have been having contractions.  Each week, they seem to get more frequent and at times more intense.
• I am not showing signs of preterm labor. Which is good news, because my little guy needs to cook some more,  Apparently my uterus is just irritable.  I guess it's just being consistant with other parts of me, huh??
• I am now required to drink A LOT, rest often and wear a maternity belt when I am not resting.
• It's a tricky combo: Drink a gallon of water a day and then tightly strap this belt around your bladder...
• Life has taken on a frantic pace and I am working hard to slow it down.  I want to enjoy these last few months with my girl as an only child.  I do not want to wake up one day and discover my little girl is all grown up and I can't recall how she got there.  I know that the time will fly by, and she'll be grown before we know it, but I want to be able to remember the ride.

Like I said, if I can reach a point where I am able to form a coherant paragraph, I will be back with some better thoughts than these.  And some pictures too :)

Until then, have a happy week, friends!

A recap of the random

It seems as though we have been on a blogging strike.  I think about writing often, but I can't ever seem to find the time.  By evening, I am fighting to stay awake long enough to put the Cutie to bed and in the am, I am usually waking up early to take our roomie to school since she is on crutches.  Naptimes have become all but non-existent.  As you can tell, we are having some sleep issues around here.  As in, we don't do it much around here.

At our bible study a couple of weeks ago, someone shared that women who get 7.5 hours of sleep lose more weight than those not getting enough sleep.  At this rate, I think I should be able to shed this baby weight by the time he starts kindergarten... (I hope not!)  I am holding out hope that this one can be a good sleeper and maybe he will encourage his sister to follow his example.

My husband gave me a whole day with no children (outside of my body) and no responsibilities on Thursday.  And this was on a day when I had Dinoboy, even!  It was like a little slice of heaven.  And the Cutie was sure to pay me back ten-fold over the weekend when she really ramped up the crazy!

My girl took her life into her hands last week when she drew a 3 foot mural in the middle of our living room carpet while I dozed on the couch.  This was 3 hours before my husband was coming home from his week long training, and our anniversary.  I was NOT pleased!  It was a little consolation to know that it was a carpet that is really in bad shape and needed to be replaced anyway.  But, since we will not be replacing it anytime soon, I was VERY upset.  Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue with her queen of clean advice.  2 bottles of rubbing alcohol and seltzer water did the trick.  You can't even see the remnant of blue.

She just got the priviledge of using writing utensils back last night.  She says every time she uses them, "I only write on paper.  I won't write on the carpet again."  Good call, sister.

I am 23 1/2 weeks pregnant.  Most days I feel like it.  Other days, I feel like I'm 38 weeks.  I look much more pregnant, and frankly, I don't care.  This little guy is really active and I just love feeling him bounce around in there.  He always seems to know when his dad or sister  are touching my stomach.  Especially when she is leaning up against me.  He always gives them little kicks.  Funny thing is, he doesn't do it so much when others touch my stomach.

When I took her to the bathroom this morning, the Cutie was looking a little bulky.  I asked her, "Are you wearing 2 pairs of pants?"  She smiled and said, "No, three."  It made me laugh.  I discovered as I disrobed her that she actually had 4 pair on.  I don't know what she was thinking.  And, honestly, I don't know when she did it.

A friend said to me the other day that I had never mentioned that my husband is out of work.  He is, and has been for almost 5 months.  This has been an incredible time of growth and change for me personally and in our marriage.  It has been humbling to see how God provides every month.  We are living at a deficit of almost $700.00 per month yet, we have not missed one bill or payment.  Work those numbers and tell me that God doesn't work miracles in every day life...

I did three loads of dishes yesterday.  Most all of our dishes in the house were dirty.  Ridiculous!  Apparently the maid quit and forgot to inform me...

Happy Monday!

Reflections

It has been just over a year since my Major Hunk returned from his deployment.  Exactly one year since he was back in my arms, I was bidding him goodbye at the airport sending him off to a training conference.  It's only a week long.  But it did get me thinking...  

Time is such an interesting thing.  On one hand, it seems like he just returned, and on the other, like the deployment is a distant memory.  

Two years ago found me preparing for our first holiday apart.  I was still strong then.  The loneliness didn't really take root until a few months later.  I had a one year old to keep me busy.  But the more she started to change and grow into a little person, the more difficult it became to accept that he was missing it.

One year ago found me a nervous wreck as we waited for those hangar doors to open.  Crying tears of relief that my love had made it home safely from war.  We were both changed people.  As we couldn't wait to be back together, we were both nervous about what it might look like in our daily lives.  Our daughter stared at the same man and wondered why everyone was so excited about him.  And then she really got nervous when he came to our house and he stayed...  And we won't even mention what she thought of him getting anywhere near her mom.

One week ago found me out of town on some family business longing for my family.  However,  my husband and daughter were having a blast and bonding in ways that one year ago didn't even seem possible.  And two days later when we had to send him off to his training, you found our daughter crying for Daddy.  Today finds her busy making plans for Daddy to take her to the park when he gets home in two days.  It makes this mama's heart melt each time I see her run and leap into his arms.

When I think back on these past 3 years in bullet points like this, it is hard to believe where we have been and where we are today.  Such is life.  As we continue this journey called life, I hope I always remember to take the time to reflect.  It is often in the reflection that we clearly see things that the busyness of life seems to blur.