We climbed in the window!

We made it to our first milestone! We are now considered to be safely in the "steroid window". If baby boy had to be delivered today, his lungs would need much less help in functioning outside of the womb. Just typing that has brought me to tears. I had yet to cry since this entire situation began early Monday. I have been running on auto-pilot since that 2 am wake up call.

How am I feeling? It's the question so many have asked. And the answer is: I really don't know. I don't know if I am in shock, denial, confusion or peace. I think it is a little of all of those things.

Shock: I have had very little emotion about any of this. I have listened to and reported the facts. Very cut and dry.

Denial: I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I will not be leaving this hospital with this little guy inside of me. That by the time I go home, I will no longer be pregnant. I don't feel finished with this pregnancy. There is still too much to do. I have to reorganize the Cutie's room and make it a room for 2. I have to sort baby clothes. I have to finish my registry. We have to have our special time together as a family of three...

Confusion: Am I really going to be the mom of a premature baby? What does that mean? What does that look like? What will his needs be when he comes out? What will my postpartum hormones look like in light of all of this? I thought I would be more confident this time around. But, I sit here questioning my ability to mother a boy, to feed a baby who may not suck well.

Peace: The lack of total and complete freak outs must be evidence of the Lord's hand. I have yet to feel overly stressed about this whole situation. There are many unknowns, in regards to Cpt Adorable and our life situations in general. Yet, I feel little stress. So many are lifting our family to the Lord and He has been so faithful to continue to provide for our every need. I know that this little guy is exactly who the Lord wants him to be. I know he is just the right fit to round out our family of four. No matter what that looks like.

If any new developments occur, I will post about them when I can. And I will be sure to have the Racer keep you informed as to when this little guy is coming and a picture once he arrives. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. They make a tangible difference in our family.

Make him strong, Lord.

Well, I will avoid posting too much information here, because most of my readers know me in real life and have been kept up to date with texts and phone calls. But, for those of you who have not heard and just to document this crazy time in my life:

Monday at 2am, my water broke spontaneously. At 33 1/2 weeks. I was in complete denial. I kept trying to convince myself (and others) that I had just wet myself. Even when the triage nurse told me to be prepared to stay in the hospital if my water was broken, I couldn't think of even one thing to take to the hospital when you are having a baby. We had a whole suitcase when we delivered the Cutie, yet I couldn't think of even one thing. I called my bff to come stay with the Cutie and when we left I told her we would probably be back in a couple of hours when they determined I had, in fact, peed my pants. Well, long story short, I had not. My water was broken. My husband went into action and started making a list of all the things that need to be done before we can bring the baby home. (I have, of course, not done anything to prepare for bringing this baby home yet.) He asked me what else needed to be done. Again, I couldn't think of even one thing. I don't know if I was in denial or just shock, but I could not wrap my mind around the fact that this baby is coming out of me.

So, here I am in the hospital. I will be here until baby boy has made his arrival into the world. Tests have been run:

• His lungs are immature. The steroids are running their course and by tomorrow morning, I will be in the "steriod window" where we will have past the first milestone that my doctor really wanted to acheive. Good job, baby boy!
• The ultrasound shows that all his systems look good. His heart is pumping strong. His kidneys look good. Fluid levels are still in the safe range. And most exciting, the ultrasound determines that his approximate weight is about 5 pounds! That is a great weight for this stage.
• And I have not begun any cervical effacing or dialating.

So, the goals for now are that I stay put in the hospital until this baby is born- hopefully the end of next week or later. I need to stay infection free in order to provide a safe home for him to reside. And, I need to stay in the bed to avoid a contraction pattern.

I am so thankful that the hospital brought me this laptop to borrow while I stay here. Everyone is so kind and gracious. Friends and family have brought me everything I could ever need and provided lots of hours of visits to keep the boredom away. Major Hunk and Cpl Cutie have been having a great time together. Things have been going really smoothly for them at home. We have had so many prayers lifted up on our behalf. I can feel the peace of the Lord surrounding us. I will try to keep posting updates as we get any new information.

On a lighter note, we are getting closer to giving this little guy a name. And, today the bff bought our little guy a onesie in honor of our little blog. It says Captain Adorable. So, even though it totally breaks rank and is all wrong from a military standpoint, we may have to adopt this pseudoname for now. Now that this little guy is becoming more real, he really does deserve a name.

I will be back another time to post less about the informational stuff and more about the personal journey I am experiencing as we walk through this uncertain time in our lives.

An update of sorts

I like to keep both our readers updated, you know :)

• While still having contractions on a daily basis, I have not had any regular pattern or any activity that has been concerning since Easter Sunday.  I wonder what it will say about this little guy's personality if he decides to stay put after all this??
• Our girl is getting a speech evaluation this week.  The girl's got language covered.  She talks and talks...and talks.  But, she does have some sound production issues I want to have looked at.  And I won't lie, I am interested in some free preschool if she qualifies :)
• Our family went to Sea World this weekend.  I have always loved amusement parks.  But, watching my daughter experience it was a special kind of beautiful.
• Our truck broke down last week.  That cost a fortune.  Good times...
• And the biggest news of all...Major Hunk and I have narrowed the name list to 3 possibilities.  This baby will have a name!

Other than these oh-so-exciting things, I continue to wait on the Lord.  With a new addition coming soon and all the changes that will bring, the enemy is really trying to induce fear in my life.  I will not succumb.  Yes, we still do not have full time income.  Our very small income is about to decrease by half when I stop working in 3 weeks.  And our budget will need to increase to account for the baby.  I am not even going to think about the medical bills...  But, my God has a plan.  None of this has taken Him by surprise.  He knows every step that my family is going to take in the next day, week, year and lifetime.  And even though when I list it all out here, it overwhelms me.  I will not live my life in fear.  My God has already claimed the victory and I will continue to stand (or allow Him to hold me up, depending on the day) and wait on Him to reveal His plan.  

And I know it's going to be good.  So much better than we could do on our own.

Dear Cpt Mom's Baby in Her Tummy,

I don't feel as if I can nickname you because you still don't have a real-life name. But trust me, you are going to have an impossible amount of nicknames.

I have gotten to see you twice via ultrasound, and let me tell you ~ you are a handsome little guy. I can't hardly wait to meet you outside the womb. I'll be getting some serious snuggle time in with you. For now, dear one, could you please stay put in utero for at least 3 or 4 more weeks? That would make your momma feel alot better. We're highly concerned at your occasional attempt to bust out of the joint. Dr. SuperDuperOBGyn is OK if you come in May, but not before then, OK?

You are going to be loved and adored by many, sweet boy. I'm so blessed to be apart of the group that loves you. I look forward with joy to discovering all the things that make you uniquely you. My prayer for you is that you will always be up for the adventure that life surely is, and that you will live life to the full with your God. And if you could sleep through the night at a very early age, that would be great, too.

I love you, little one. I'm so excited to see you soon.

Love
Racer

Good Friday

Good Friday is a day that I believe gets a bad rap.  It is really a beautiful love story from God to His people.  It is violent and brutal and difficult to consider.  But, if there had been no Good Friday, there would be no Easter Sunday.  If Jesus hadn't died, He would not have been ressurrected.  And if not for the ressurrection, we would not have the promise of heaven.

Even though she is only 3, I have been discussing Jesus's death and ressurrection with the Cutie.  I am so amazed to see how much she "gets".  The other day I overheard he as she flipped through my bible saying: "And the people were mean to God.  It was sad.  He got up on Easter."  I was awed by her tender heart toward the Lord.  Awed by the fact that she could receive the Lord's word even when I do such a poor job explaining such a complicated and abstract concept.  

And my heart melts even more when I look in my rear-veiw mirror and see her singing her heart out to David Crowder Band's "Never Let Go".  That's what true worship looks like...

Happy Easter!

A Little Romance

So, it's Sunday morning and I should be getting ready for church. "Getting ready" can get crazy around these parts. We go to a pretty casual church, so it's not like I have to find my best dress or anything, it's just the franticness of getting 4 of us out the door with teeth and hair brushed, extra wipes and a pull up, and all the other stuff. You know how it is to get our your door sometimes. That's how it is every Sunday.

Not this Sunday. This Sunday I am listening to the birds chirp and enjoying the coolness that is our extended Spring. I'm allowing myself to be swept up in the fact that this extended Springtime (seriously, we usually have 1 Spring day, then it gets hot and we have some cool evenings) is a gift to me. From God. At a time when my heart just needed something to be swept away in. And I didn't even know it.

I'm breathing deep, smiling, knowing I've already had church this morning. In the truest sense - where my relationship with God meets my reality in life.



I think I'm in love.

The Growing in Waiting

I have heard this song many times over, but one day, it fell fresh on my ears.  I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.  I am in a place of waiting.  Waiting and trusting.  And it is difficult.  I certainly have not mastered the art of serving while I am waiting.  And I definitely haven't mastered the patiently part.  But, it reminds me what I am striving for.  

If I was techy enough, I would get the music on here so you can hear it.  But I am not.   I hope you will google it and that it ministers to your heart as well.

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

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