Crying Moms

Random - Sure

2010-03-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

It's almost Spring Break. Which has all of my Biology lab partners talking about their travel plans. Which in turn makes me think about how disappointed they will be when they can't take a week off in spring all the time. Which makes me think of my husband, who doesn't get a spring break.
I am absolutely, completely, utterly thankful for our long winter here. I have declared it the BEST WINTER EVER. Long live The Winter of 09-10. Feel free to stick around for forever.
Chris and I both cried at the series premiere of Parenthood. YES, there was quite questionable material on the show. And yes, we expected a serious amount of laughter and found it to be lacking. But we are now committed for at least one more week to the character with Aspergers.
"Twin Day" for spirit week is code for "Things that make moms go over the edge and never return."
I got a haircut. And color. And I love it.
I have tests and meetings and therapies for Brody this week. So here I sit, blogging.
Babies. I love them.

All Done

2009-09-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

We will no longer be posting on this blog. We have begun a new blog at a new site.
Thanks, friends.

Just a few finishing touches...

2009-09-15T17:06:00.000-07:00

We have made some decisions regarding this little blog of ours. I don't want to throw it all out there without discussing it with the Racer, so I won't be sharing many details. But, I can tell you that we did decide to create a whole new blog. Jenn worked tirelessly on a design and we have a great new layout! We are putting some finishing touches on the page and then we will need to actually write something Then we can share the details with those who are interested.

Unveiling soon...

a work in progress

2009-09-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

That title could mean so many things in my life, but I am talking about this blog specifically. My lovely and talented neice (she loves it when I refer to her in that way) Jenn is designing a new blog page for us. We will post more details once it's ready to be revealed. But, just know that it's going to be adorable based on her work!

We have done some soul searching and have made some decisions about what we want from our blog and can't wait to reveal it soon.

In the meantime, some cute stories from my kiddos:

The Cutie started preschool and loves it like I knew she would. She now has imaginary friends. It's so cute. She calls them her fake friends and she likes them to stay the night. Her new best friend at school "talks spanish". She is really becoming independent of her mama. And she is so confident. It's one of the many things I love about her.

Our little guy has grown to ginormous proportions. He is smiling and laughing and sleeping through the night. He brings much joy to our family. Each and everytime I take in his hefty girth, I am overwhelmed. You would never guess this little guy was born 6 weeks early, was skin and bones and that I was told the morning before his birth that they did not think his lungs were fully developed yet. I am confident that the Lord has big plans for each and every one of our lives. And I am so grateful to see His fingrprints all over this 4 month olds life already.

helloooo...anyone there?

2009-08-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, umm, yeah...we are slacker bloggers. Lots of life has happened over the summer, and we have been debating on why we even do this and what we wanted this here blog to be about. You see, it started out as a weight loss blog and morphed and then, well, we've just been discussing what in the world are we doing?

All that to say, we'll be back. We are revamping, remodeling, and refocusing.

Not that anyone is out there anymore...

He Lives...and so do we.

2009-08-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

Why don't we write on here more? I have no idea. Life is busy. I no longer have internet at home. I have so much going on in my head that I am not ready to put out there for all the world to read. But, today has been a big day. And it's only 10:15am.

My daughter's bus schedule came in the mail today. She starts preschool in less than 2 weeks. She is so adorably excited. When I checked the mail this morning and received the bus time, she asked to hold the card. She set it down in her lap, placed her hands over her mouth and squealed, "I am soooo essited!" My heart turned into a puddle in that instant as I saw my little girl who has matured so quickly over the last 3 months. Being a big sister has really brought her into her own.
My little guy, who turned 3 months on Saturday, rolled over this morning from his stomach to his back. It made me a little teary as I considered his miraculous little life. Speaking of my "little" guy. He is getting so big! He is over 11 lbs and in the 25 percentile. That's a huge increase from the 4lbs 10oz at birth. A couple of other babies have been born at our church. He looks so giant and so white compared to those dark skinned tiny little babies. They made for some adorable pictures!
My girl has become a little more fashion conscious these days. She looks more carefully at the colors to make sure they "match". Now, don't get me wrong. She doesn't actually match. If there is any shade of the same color family, to her it matches. This morning she put on some orange biker shorts, a pink tank top and a bathing suit on top that is 3 sizes too big. Now, it technically "matches" because the bathing suit has pink and orange in it. She has yet to allow me a picture, but if she does, I will be sure to post it. It's a doozie...
I continue to work with Dirty Jobs and I am so blessed to watch that boy grow and change. He has taken off in his language and social development and academically, well, I think he will be reading before you know it. I just love how he takes a label and blows the doors right off of it. Keep on going little man. I can't wait to see what your next year holds!
Other than that, life is full of smiles and giggles and dishes and difficulites, tantrums and money worries. But, we have got lots of memories in the making and I am oh-so-thankful for the opportunity to watch my kids grow. I am so grateul that even in these difficult economic times, that I still get to be the one who cares for my kids each day. They change so fast. And I am trying to recognize the blessings in all of it.

The Prodigal

2009-07-01T04:30:00.001-07:00

Our pastor has been preaching the past 2 weeks on the parable of the Prodigal Son. I can't say I have "enjoyed" it because the series has brought much conviction to my life. I can't seem to get it out of my head. And, frankly, I am at a place in which I feel a little annoyed at all the conviction. (Just keepin' it real, folks.) But, I don't ever want to knowingly ignore something the Lord is trying to teach me- even when it hurts. So, I feel the need to work it out a little here on "paper". I love how an old story that I have heard so many times can become new as something else is revealed that I never noticed before. The Lord's Word is so rich.

In all the years that I have read the story of the Prodigal Son, I have always noticed the parallels to our relationship to the Lord. We are the prodigal, He is the father. We recognize our need for Him. He, in His goodness and faithfulness and unconditional love, runs to us. He throws a party when another child willingly enters His kingdom. It's a great story. You can read it here in Luke.

Last week, the focus was on the role of the father. The father allowed the son to live as he chose. He did not heap guilt on the son for his choices. He gave his son the inheritance he asked for even though it brought much shame to his house in the eyes of the world. The father was willing to be undignified in front of others by running to greet his son. And, the father sees his son's heart upon his return. He never focused on his words or actions. He gave the son his best and celebrated. And the part that I haven't been able to get out of my mind...he fattened a calf in expectation that the son would return. This was when it really hit home. In some relationships in my life, I am the father. Not, The Father, but the father. Others have squandered my love for them. And how do I react? I say that I am expecting their return and that I will go to them in unconditional love. But, frankly, I expect that if I were to run to them today, I would bring some words of guilt and condemnation along with me. I certainly have not been "fattening a calf" in my expectation. So, while I may be the father in my role, I am certainly not the father in my actions.

And this week, the focus was on the older brother. I won't lie, when the pastor began, I didn't even want to hear what he had to say about this. I knew enough about the story to know that the brother was bitter and angry. And honestly, I am bitter and angry about some things in my life. The brother harbored unforgiveness in his heart toward his younger brother. The older brother not only harbored bitter feelings toward his brother, but also toward the father for his unconditional love. The brother was so focused on the work he did for his father's house, that he had lost sight of why it was important (the relationship). And, he was angry because his brother didn't deserve the attention he was getting. He hadn't earned it. He had squandered his father's riches and brought disgrace. Shouldn't he pay at least a little for that? And, more than anything, the brother was pouting and having a pity party because it was unfair that he had made the right choice and he didn't even get a goat for his own celebration. Yes, indeed, I can relate to the brother. And, then it was clear. In those same relationships, I am actually the brother. I say that I want the "lost one" to come home, but when I see them coming, I am bitter and angry and filled with feelings of injustice. I am unwilling to go out and greet them. I want them to have to make the walk alone as others watch. I want them to feel the weight of their choices. I feel as though I often make the better choice and then am jealous when I do not receive a party in my honor. For the first time, I can see deep into my heart. Inside I find some bitterness, unforgiveness, pride and a little bit of self-righteousness. Eeeww. As I type all this out, I am embarrassed by my attitude. I am tempted to delete those last few sentences, because it reveals a part of my heart that is ugly. A part that, frankly, I don't want others to know exists. But, I know that the Lord honors our efforts when we are willing to be honest and vulnerable. I want to change it. I want to cleanse the ugly parts of my attitude. The hope is knowing that God never puts me in a box. He always offers a better way. The brother was just as lost as the prodigal. And when he didn't come in to the party, the father came out to his son. The father did not get a bad attitude toward the older brother and ignore his antics. The good news is that God has not written me off just because I have an ugly attitude. He has an entire inheritance that already belongs to me because I am His. I have been failing to recognize the privileges I have as a daughter to the King. I don't need a party or fattened calf to celebrate. Each and everyday I get to live out the blessings of the Father's love. And, most importantly, he reveals His Word to show me the better way.

So, today, even though I have been living like the brother, I am striving to act like the father. And, I am confident in His ability to show me the way.

I am already anticipating the lesson in which my role as the prodigal becomes more clear.

And who knows which other roles we will learn about. Maybe the fattened calf...I am sure there is some spiritual lesson there to be had.

happy birthday

2009-06-25T19:22:00.001-07:00

Dear Dinoboy,

It's your sixth birthday today. I am having a difficult time reconciling that to myself.

You were the one who first made me an aunt. You taught me what it was to love other people's children like my own. And you were the first one to melt my heart with your spoken word. You will always be the one who cracks me up.

You have become such a boy. You love Star Wars and dinosaurs and Legos and guns. You love to run and jump and play. You are expressive and always have a story to tell. I don't think a week has gone by since you learned to speak that you haven't made me laugh out loud. Your heart is tender and sensitive yet you are as sarcastic as they come. It is a unique blend that makes you oh-so-special. You are an amazing big brother as you continue to honor your little brother's life. You are a fabulous cousin. You are loving and protective (not to mention, a little antagonistic). The Cutie looks up to you and copies your every move. I know you find it annoying now, but someday you will see the compliment in it. You are a very special boy and I can't wait to see what the Lord has for you in the years to come.

Happy Birthday.

I love you,

Aunt D.

Because I Can't Actually Say it This Well.

2009-06-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm the other author of this blog. The one who has been, well, absent.

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/06/566-discounting-our-small-steps-toward.html

Techno isn't my kryptonite, but some other things are.

2009-06-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

I had this conversation with someone the other day.

Her: You look tired.

Me: I know.

Her: (Pointing to the bags under my eyes.)

Me: That's just how it is when you have young kids. I slept from 10:30 to 1:30 last night.

Her: That's really great. I am sure you really needed it.

Me: Huh? (blank stare)

Her: (Blank stare back at me)

Me: Oh. I slept from 10:30pm to 1:30am. I got 3 hours of sleep.

Her: Oh.

Me: (in my head)...as if I could sleep until 1:30 in the afternoon...ever.

It was a good reminder that, someday, I will get back to a normal sleep schedule and forget about this back-breaking tired that is the life of a mom with young kids.

I am not wishing it away, however. That would mean my kiddos were grown up.

And I am definitely not ready for that!

I'll take the tired so I can relish in these days of cuddles and kisses and tickles, etc.

FIRE!

2009-06-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this link tonight. It really got me thinking.

My favorite line from the movie is when Caleb's friend tells him that fireproof doesn't mean that fires won't come, it means that you can survive the fire when it does come. My marriage has survived some fires. I'd like to say that it is fireproof.

We are currently in a fire- A raging, all-encompasing, 3 alarm fire. Some moments I feel as though I will suffocate from the lack of oxygen.

We are not the only ones present at the house fire. Our friends and family are there. Those who are standing with us through this time. Those who go to the Fire Marshall on our behalf. They stand on the ladder truck and fight with us, for us. They are willing to speak the hard truth, even when we don't want to hear it. They encourage us and pray to our Father. They feel the heat. Their hair is singed by the heat of the flames. They saw the flames begin to flicker. And they were right there with their garden hoses. They are the firefighers to our house fire. They refuse to give up until the flames are out. They recognize the intent of those flames is to kill us and they wage battle against them on our behalf. And I am oh-so-grateful.

There are others as well. There are the neighbors. They did not see the fire until it was fully raging. And, they are concerned. They see the firefighters are there and they are comforted. They see the fire, make some precautions to ensure the safety of their own home and come out to stand a safe distance away and watch. They send out a prayer for our safety. They want to be sure that we make it out alive. They smell of smoke.

And there are the onlookers. They work in the cafe across the street. They were too busy to notice the flames when they first began to flicker. And now that it's fully raging, they can see that someone else has already called 911. They stop what they are doing. They whisper a prayer of thanks that their home is safe and sound.

I have been each of these- the firefighter, the neighbor and the onlooker at times. And when our fire is out and the damage is repaired, I hope that I remember these lessons. God wants us to fight for marriage. Our own and others. There is no fire too big for Him. No fire that he can't "proof" us against.

As the fire still rages, the damage remains to be seen. But I am hopeful. Hopeful that when the last flame is snuffed out, our house will stand. Strong and steady. Fireproof. We won't have avoided the fires, but withstood them all.

Look who has a double chin!!

2009-06-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

No...it's not me.

(I mean, I do...but that's not who we are talking about here.)

This little guy just blows my mind. 6 weeks ago today, he was just begining his life and he was skin and bones. Today, he has a double chin and some tiny rolls on his thighs.

It might be the extra calorie formula, or maybe it's all those mama kisses. Those add pudge don't they??

The best laid plans...

2009-06-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my due date. A few months ago, I was convinced that on this day, I would most likely be sitting here wondering when my baby boy's birthday was going to come. I figured I would be praying that I would not have to be induced again. And most likely, I would be hot, hot, hot - 10 months pregnant living on the surface of the sun. I figured that like his sister, he would keep us waiting and on this day we would be preparing for a LONG labor.

Well, I was wrong on all fronts. His birthday arrived 6 weeks early. I did not have to be induced. In fact, they had me lay in bed all day to try and slow the process as much as possible. I am still hot here on the surface of the sun, but instead I am post-partum. And, there was definitely not a long labor. With the Cutie I progressed from 2 to 10 in 18 1/2 hours. With Adorable- in 1 1/2 hours.

This baby boy rocked my world. I was in shock for days, maybe weeks, after his birth. He made it very clear that he was going to be his own person. He is not planning on copying his sister's every move. Not even close. And based on the past few months, I would say he doesn't want anyone trying to make plans for him. He is going to carve out his own way in this world.

A little bit about my little man:

The more noise, the better he sleeps. He is extremely portable. He sleeps well. He has himself on a strict every 3 hour eating policy. He has blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. He is perfectly cuddly. He is strong and healthy. He is our little miracle.

Lord, thank you for loving us enough to deny our plans for our baby boy. I know that you have a bigger, much better plan for his life than I could ever come up. Thank you for our miracle. Please give us the wisdom to raise him in such a way that brings honor to you. And Lord, remind us to teach him daily about you that he would grow to be a man who loves and honors God with his life. Amen.

some photos

2009-05-18T20:07:00.001-07:00

2 weeks old

She loves to hold her baby brother.

Each morning she asks if he is bigger yet. She

is really wanting a playmate. He is bigger-

a pound up from his lowest weight, but not big enough

that she can see a difference...

1 week- I love how he sleeps with his hands by his face.

It's a family trademark. All 4 of us do it.

CPT Adorable is home

2009-05-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't updated on here much since our little guy's arrival. My hospital and back home schedule were really hectic. I have to say that it provided a nice transition though. I was able to get some really good snuggle time with my little guy in and lots of one on one time with him before I had to share him with the world. I was also able to spend a little more one on one time with the Cutie before we rocked her world just one more time. I also had some quiet time to process.

The baby is doing great! On Thursday I was able to bring him home. He has fit into our family just perfectly. His sister is a perfect mix of loving and adorableness and melting down freakiness. She is having some obvious transitions, but overall, she is so happy to have him home. She loves her baby. Although, last night she asked me if we could get a different baby who was bigger so he could play with her :)

We go to our first dr appt this morning to check his weight. I think he will gained as he has been eating really well the past 2 days. He is a healthy little guy. Even though he is still a month away from being considered a "term" baby, he doesn't know it. He is keeping his own temperature, requires no oxygen and is feeding without any difficulties. These are all typical problems with 34 week babies, and we have seen no residual effects. Thank you all for your prayers! Our God is so faithful.

When we were in the hospital, I kept singing him a song. I hope to find the cd- if I could just figure out which cd it is on. It is a veggie tales song about David and Goliath. The chorus says, "Little guys can do big things too." I can't wait to see what other exciting adventures the Lord has in store for his life. I just know it's going to be great. I mean, it must be, right? He couldn't wait to get out here and get started...

Pictures to come soon.

Like Papa, Only Smaller

2009-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

My Dad, at 5'6" wouldn't seem very intimidating. But to my 6'1" husband, he was...and sometimes still is. Some of my early childhood memories include my dad doing the demolition derby at the local fair, singing with my sister and I while he played the guitar, playing pranks while driving, and very passionately coaching my brother's baseball games. And by "passionately coaching" I mean he was ejected from more than one game during all star season. For my adult life, one of my Dad's pastimes has been drag racing his '55 Chevy that was originally bought to restore and go cruising. That lasted all of 6 weeks until he took out the back seat, added a roll cage and dropped a sweet engine in it. Don't ask me what kind...I have no clue. All that to say, I love my Dad's sense of adventure.

Quite a few years back, my Dad "retired" roller coaster riding because the coaster at the NYNY Hotel in Las Vegas freaked him out. I gotta say, that is a good one to retire on. However, since having grandchildren, he has been willing to jump on most Disneyland rides. The kids love that Papa will ride these with them, and that he always approaches them with much enthusiasm.

The picture above is myself, my Dad, the kids and Hubs as we plummet down Splash Mountain. You'll notice that my dad is the one with his arms way up in the air with the water splashing him in the face. And if you look two seats up, you'll find my son doing the same thing.

I hope he always takes on life this exact way.

Traveling - Local and Beyond.

2009-05-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back our family of 4 went camping with our high school youth group. My Deadliest Catch and I work with the youth, and we just brought our kids along for the ride. Some things about camping:

Camping at "That time" requires a careful watch on your attitude. I did not do so well with that.
Teens and 4 year olds both enjoy flotation devices for the water with the same enthusiasm.
Camping in April local to where we live gets to be a little warm in the day and chilly at night.
S'mores. Hello, lover.
Campfire with teens is so much fun. Especially when Dinoboy falls.
One of our teens (who totally is amazing) carried an entire tree of firewood. She is one strong girl!
The stars. How can you not believe in a Creator when looking at the stars. Breathtaking.
My family was the only people who used the first aid kit. All 3 of them.

Just Because

2009-05-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

Because you are beautiful, inside and out. Because you wear your feelings on your sleeve. Because you think your Daddy hung the moon. Because you love God's Word. Because you love animals, babies, and school. Because you would protect your brother from anything. Because you believe the best of people. Because your laugh is contagious. Because you reverse your letters. Because you are losing teeth faster than I have money to put under your pillow. Because you are quick to forgive. Because you mother anyone and anything. Because you love Jesus...

Because a diagnosis doesn't define you or your capabilities. Because you are smart. Because you are adventurous. Because you have the best smile. Because you say things like, "Be happy, Mommy" when you are in trouble. Because you pray to Jesus. Because you are always excited to see me. Because you love your Sissy. Because you think Grandma Poppa's house is the doorway to Disneyland. Because you would eat fruit all day long. Because you love computer games. Because you give 'Big Hugs." Because you have some fantabulous manners. Because you are beating the odds...

...I am one blessed Momma.

Huh?

2009-05-10T20:56:00.001-07:00

Things to take to the hospital when I go to feed the baby:

milk- check

pump accessories- check

camera- check

outfit for baby- check

bottle of water- check

mommy guilt- check. check.

I am finding it difficult to balance spending time with baby boy at the hospital and spending time with my girl at home. I haven't even begun to try and get some time with my husband in the past 2 weeks. I know that now that I am a mother of two, I will face this, but this situation I was so quickly thrust into has left me feeling quite inadequate. I am ill prepared in how to divide my time between two little people who need me/want me so much and are in two seperate locations. I will come up with a plan that seems to work and then the slightest thing has me doubting myself. So, you know, like all the rest of motherhood...

I am still wading through the emotions of post-partum, dealing with the fact that I have a premature baby, pumping, pumping, pumping, and spending hours at a time behind a drawn curtain. I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling. It's all still very surreal. I know others see it. I am in a weird state of "I feel emotionless" and "I could burst into tears at any given moment." And so, I feel the need to apologize. I know I am not myself right now. I don't know when I'll be back. Other people see it. They know I am not myself. They get their feathers ruffled. But, on the other hand, I feel as though they need to see beyond themselves and recognize that my world has been knocked completely off-kilter. (I know, not a very gracious response- just keepin' it real.)

So, if you see me wandering around with a dazed and confused look on my face. If you ask me a question and I can't even formulate and answer. If I seem to be incapable of processing what you are saying to me. If I write a post consisting of all sentence fragments.

Know that it's not you...it's me.

It's Official...

2009-05-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

...that little baby in the isolette warmer has stolen this mama's heart.

I don't think I have looked at him one time without the thought, "He is so beautiful" entering my mind. The Lord has chosen to bless our family with the most perfect little addition. I can't wait to see how all of this adds up to become his personality some day. He has rocked our world. He has, since the day we first learned of his existance, kept us wondering what lie ahead for our family. And now, as I look at this miniature baby, I wonder, "Where are we going from here?"

I don't have any idea. But, one look at that perfect little guy and I know it's going to be good.

And if my labor is any indication, it will be quite the exciting ride...

baby update:
Yesterday he was unable to leave the isolette most of the day because his temperature would drop upon leaving the warmer. But, this morning I was able to cuddle him for 50 minutes and we were able to keep his temp up. Yay! He also nursed for the first time this morning and did a great job. He latched on and stayed for 10 minutes. He slept about half of it, but it was great for the first time. He did not eat much through the night, so they are putting a feeding tube in this morning. He will continue to nurse in addition to the tube. They tell me this is almost always the rule with a 34 week baby. They end up burning more calories than they can take in while feeding. So, he has had a few setbacks now that we've past the 24 hr mark, but they had told us to expect that also. Overall, he is doing just what they expect a baby born 6 weeks early to do. So, we are pleased with his progress. The Lord knit him together in my womb and we know that He is continuing to "knit" each and every moment.

Guard your Ovaries!

2009-05-02T13:25:00.000-07:00

Cpt. Adorable has Arrived!

2009-05-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

Cpt Mom had an oh-so-speedy delivery. The little guy was born at 12:38am, weighing in at 4lbs 11oz. He is 19 inches long and has a very active set of lungs - Praise God! The Lord has answered our prayers with many yes' this evening/early morning and we are so, so grateful. He is so, so adorable.

Mama looks amazing, and seeing her hold that sweet thang just made my heart burst!

Please be praying for good sucking reflex for baby, maintenance of his strong lungs, and a fabulous introduction between him and the Cutie later on this morning. We want a healthy baby that can go home with Cpt Mom!

I'll post a picture later on (when I have one on my camera).

And she's off...

2009-05-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

to Labor and Delivery!

Please be praying for Cpt Mom and Cpt Adorable. We need peace and high platelets for Mama, and strong lungs and body for Baby.

I'll update when I can.

Cpt Mom, you are one strong mama. You held onto this boy for 5 days (6 really) and that is so, so good. I am so proud of you and how you are walking this stage of your life with such grace. I can't wait to see that precious baby boy. I'm just positive he's gonna come out with God's fingerprints all over him. I love you, my friend.

idk...

2009-05-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

Hospital Update: Day 5.

I had a long night's sleep last night. I have woken up by 3am every other day. So, a full 8 hours of sleep was quite magnificent! They have had me on the look out for any changes in my fluid. This morning, I had some changes. I was fearful that I may be developing a much dreaded infection. Thankfully, after much discussion with the nurses and after seeing the dr, they determined that there is no concern of infection. Yay!

I became a little emotional when I thought something might be wrong. It's funny how the emotions sneak up on me. I am a girl who tends to be a little out of touch with my emotions.

The dr told me today that they will test the fluid again on Monday to see if the lungs are mature. If they are, they will induce me on Tuesday. If not, I will be 35 weeks on Thursday and will be induced then. Apparently the advantage of leaving him in the womb with broken membranes no longer outweighs the risk of infection after 35 weeks. So, it seems as though we will have a baby next week. Wow! I still can't seem to wrap my mind around that.

Well, the newest development is that it seems I am showing signs of early labor. My contractions have picked up a wide pattern and I am showing signs of cervical activity. Since I didn't go into labor with the Cutie, I don't actually know what any of this means. My husband keeps asking me how long I think it will be now. I have NO idea. I haven't ever done this before. And they are having me lay flat and stay still to try to slow the progress. So, what does this mean? Again, I have no idea. I guess it means I could have a baby today, tomorrow, or next week. Because I am so unsure, I haven't even contacted the family to let them know. Because I just don't know what to say. "Umm, hi. I thought you might want to know that I may or may not be going into labor." That's not really helpful, now is it??

So, I guess I will just keep laying around and see if there are any new developments through the night...

We climbed in the window!

2009-04-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

We made it to our first milestone! We are now considered to be safely in the "steroid window". If baby boy had to be delivered today, his lungs would need much less help in functioning outside of the womb. Just typing that has brought me to tears. I had yet to cry since this entire situation began early Monday. I have been running on auto-pilot since that 2 am wake up call.

How am I feeling? It's the question so many have asked. And the answer is: I really don't know. I don't know if I am in shock, denial, confusion or peace. I think it is a little of all of those things.

Shock: I have had very little emotion about any of this. I have listened to and reported the facts. Very cut and dry.

Denial: I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that I will not be leaving this hospital with this little guy inside of me. That by the time I go home, I will no longer be pregnant. I don't feel finished with this pregnancy. There is still too much to do. I have to reorganize the Cutie's room and make it a room for 2. I have to sort baby clothes. I have to finish my registry. We have to have our special time together as a family of three...

Confusion: Am I really going to be the mom of a premature baby? What does that mean? What does that look like? What will his needs be when he comes out? What will my postpartum hormones look like in light of all of this? I thought I would be more confident this time around. But, I sit here questioning my ability to mother a boy, to feed a baby who may not suck well.

Peace: The lack of total and complete freak outs must be evidence of the Lord's hand. I have yet to feel overly stressed about this whole situation. There are many unknowns, in regards to Cpt Adorable and our life situations in general. Yet, I feel little stress. So many are lifting our family to the Lord and He has been so faithful to continue to provide for our every need. I know that this little guy is exactly who the Lord wants him to be. I know he is just the right fit to round out our family of four. No matter what that looks like.

If any new developments occur, I will post about them when I can. And I will be sure to have the Racer keep you informed as to when this little guy is coming and a picture once he arrives. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. They make a tangible difference in our family.

Make him strong, Lord.

2009-04-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I will avoid posting too much information here, because most of my readers know me in real life and have been kept up to date with texts and phone calls. But, for those of you who have not heard and just to document this crazy time in my life:

Monday at 2am, my water broke spontaneously. At 33 1/2 weeks. I was in complete denial. I kept trying to convince myself (and others) that I had just wet myself. Even when the triage nurse told me to be prepared to stay in the hospital if my water was broken, I couldn't think of even one thing to take to the hospital when you are having a baby. We had a whole suitcase when we delivered the Cutie, yet I couldn't think of even one thing. I called my bff to come stay with the Cutie and when we left I told her we would probably be back in a couple of hours when they determined I had, in fact, peed my pants. Well, long story short, I had not. My water was broken. My husband went into action and started making a list of all the things that need to be done before we can bring the baby home. (I have, of course, not done anything to prepare for bringing this baby home yet.) He asked me what else needed to be done. Again, I couldn't think of even one thing. I don't know if I was in denial or just shock, but I could not wrap my mind around the fact that this baby is coming out of me.

So, here I am in the hospital. I will be here until baby boy has made his arrival into the world. Tests have been run:

His lungs are immature. The steroids are running their course and by tomorrow morning, I will be in the "steriod window" where we will have past the first milestone that my doctor really wanted to acheive. Good job, baby boy!
The ultrasound shows that all his systems look good. His heart is pumping strong. His kidneys look good. Fluid levels are still in the safe range. And most exciting, the ultrasound determines that his approximate weight is about 5 pounds! That is a great weight for this stage.
And I have not begun any cervical effacing or dialating.

So, the goals for now are that I stay put in the hospital until this baby is born- hopefully the end of next week or later. I need to stay infection free in order to provide a safe home for him to reside. And, I need to stay in the bed to avoid a contraction pattern.

I am so thankful that the hospital brought me this laptop to borrow while I stay here. Everyone is so kind and gracious. Friends and family have brought me everything I could ever need and provided lots of hours of visits to keep the boredom away. Major Hunk and Cpl Cutie have been having a great time together. Things have been going really smoothly for them at home. We have had so many prayers lifted up on our behalf. I can feel the peace of the Lord surrounding us. I will try to keep posting updates as we get any new information.

On a lighter note, we are getting closer to giving this little guy a name. And, today the bff bought our little guy a onesie in honor of our little blog. It says Captain Adorable. So, even though it totally breaks rank and is all wrong from a military standpoint, we may have to adopt this pseudoname for now. Now that this little guy is becoming more real, he really does deserve a name.

I will be back another time to post less about the informational stuff and more about the personal journey I am experiencing as we walk through this uncertain time in our lives.

An update of sorts

2009-04-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

I like to keep both our readers updated, you know :)

While still having contractions on a daily basis, I have not had any regular pattern or any activity that has been concerning since Easter Sunday. I wonder what it will say about this little guy's personality if he decides to stay put after all this??
Our girl is getting a speech evaluation this week. The girl's got language covered. She talks and talks...and talks. But, she does have some sound production issues I want to have looked at. And I won't lie, I am interested in some free preschool if she qualifies :)
Our family went to Sea World this weekend. I have always loved amusement parks. But, watching my daughter experience it was a special kind of beautiful.
Our truck broke down last week. That cost a fortune. Good times...
And the biggest news of all...Major Hunk and I have narrowed the name list to 3 possibilities. This baby will have a name!

Other than these oh-so-exciting things, I continue to wait on the Lord. With a new addition coming soon and all the changes that will bring, the enemy is really trying to induce fear in my life. I will not succumb. Yes, we still do not have full time income. Our very small income is about to decrease by half when I stop working in 3 weeks. And our budget will need to increase to account for the baby. I am not even going to think about the medical bills... But, my God has a plan. None of this has taken Him by surprise. He knows every step that my family is going to take in the next day, week, year and lifetime. And even though when I list it all out here, it overwhelms me. I will not live my life in fear. My God has already claimed the victory and I will continue to stand (or allow Him to hold me up, depending on the day) and wait on Him to reveal His plan.

And I know it's going to be good. So much better than we could do on our own.

2009-04-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Cpt Mom's Baby in Her Tummy,

I don't feel as if I can nickname you because you still don't have a real-life name. But trust me, you are going to have an impossible amount of nicknames.

I have gotten to see you twice via ultrasound, and let me tell you ~ you are a handsome little guy. I can't hardly wait to meet you outside the womb. I'll be getting some serious snuggle time in with you. For now, dear one, could you please stay put in utero for at least 3 or 4 more weeks? That would make your momma feel alot better. We're highly concerned at your occasional attempt to bust out of the joint. Dr. SuperDuperOBGyn is OK if you come in May, but not before then, OK?

You are going to be loved and adored by many, sweet boy. I'm so blessed to be apart of the group that loves you. I look forward with joy to discovering all the things that make you uniquely you. My prayer for you is that you will always be up for the adventure that life surely is, and that you will live life to the full with your God. And if you could sleep through the night at a very early age, that would be great, too.

I love you, little one. I'm so excited to see you soon.

Love
Racer

Good Friday

2009-04-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

Good Friday is a day that I believe gets a bad rap. It is really a beautiful love story from God to His people. It is violent and brutal and difficult to consider. But, if there had been no Good Friday, there would be no Easter Sunday. If Jesus hadn't died, He would not have been ressurrected. And if not for the ressurrection, we would not have the promise of heaven.

Even though she is only 3, I have been discussing Jesus's death and ressurrection with the Cutie. I am so amazed to see how much she "gets". The other day I overheard he as she flipped through my bible saying: "And the people were mean to God. It was sad. He got up on Easter." I was awed by her tender heart toward the Lord. Awed by the fact that she could receive the Lord's word even when I do such a poor job explaining such a complicated and abstract concept.

And my heart melts even more when I look in my rear-veiw mirror and see her singing her heart out to David Crowder Band's "Never Let Go". That's what true worship looks like...

Happy Easter!

A Little Romance

2009-04-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

So, it's Sunday morning and I should be getting ready for church. "Getting ready" can get crazy around these parts. We go to a pretty casual church, so it's not like I have to find my best dress or anything, it's just the franticness of getting 4 of us out the door with teeth and hair brushed, extra wipes and a pull up, and all the other stuff. You know how it is to get our your door sometimes. That's how it is every Sunday.

Not this Sunday. This Sunday I am listening to the birds chirp and enjoying the coolness that is our extended Spring. I'm allowing myself to be swept up in the fact that this extended Springtime (seriously, we usually have 1 Spring day, then it gets hot and we have some cool evenings) is a gift to me. From God. At a time when my heart just needed something to be swept away in. And I didn't even know it.

I'm breathing deep, smiling, knowing I've already had church this morning. In the truest sense - where my relationship with God meets my reality in life.

I think I'm in love.

The Growing in Waiting

2009-04-03T02:18:00.000-07:00

I have heard this song many times over, but one day, it fell fresh on my ears. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. I am in a place of waiting. Waiting and trusting. And it is difficult. I certainly have not mastered the art of serving while I am waiting. And I definitely haven't mastered the patiently part. But, it reminds me what I am striving for.

If I was techy enough, I would get the music on here so you can hear it. But I am not. I hope you will google it and that it ministers to your heart as well.

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

© 2007 Travelin’ Zoo Music (ASCAP) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Another growing boy...

2009-03-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

I just love the 3d ultrasound. It really makes it feel like you get to see the baby. A little more than just the bones, at least.

Our little guy is thriving, has a strong heartbeat and loves to jump around.

On Monday, I thought I was going into labor. For a time I was having contractions every 5 min. It was a long and stressful few hours. But, after much laying on my left side, the contractions slowed and eventually stopped.

It was the wake up call I needed. Whether I feel like I am doing too much or not, my body clearly thinks that I am. So, I am making myself rest even when I don't feel like I need to. The result: Yesterday I felt better than I have in weeks. I had very few contractions and only a little back pain.

Alright, lesson learned.

Growing Boys

2009-03-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well, hello there. Long time, no blog... That is for a myriad of reasons,but instead of boring you with that, I thought I'd resurface with a picture of my two favorite boys.We took my Hubs to The Happiest Place on Earth for his birthday over Spring Break. Awhile back, my mom had gotten Hubs a t-shirt from there that says Judge Me By My Size, Do You? with a picture of Yoda on the back. The Hubs, well, he's a BIG fan of Star Wars, and by BIG fan, I mean OBSESSED. So anyhow, they had one in my little guys size and Grandma couldn't help but snatch that up for him. The funny part of this t-shirt is the fact that my boys are both tall people. My Hubs is 6'1" and our 4 year old is quite tall and is wearing a size 8 in this

shirt.

So this is them, in line for Space Mountain. Which both of them love.

I'll be back to catch up soon!

Some middle of the night ramblings...

2009-03-22T03:54:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am again. I cruised on into bed around 12am to be awakened by the Cutie at 1am. I haven't been able to go back to sleep ever since. (it's almost 4am...) I don't have any actual organized thoughts, like I had hoped I might. But, here goes nothing.

I really need to slow my life down. I don't know how to do this. I have so many things I need to get done and so many that I want to get done in a day, that I have a difficult time sitting with my feet up for more than a few minutes at a time before 7 pm. On Wednesday, I had a day of rest. I didn't leave the house and I spent some time reading and even dozed a little on the couch. I did accomplish some things, but not much really. I didn't wear my maternity belt for half the day and had very few contractions. The days since then I have been up on my feet for most of the day and while not doing strenous activity, constantly on the go. Each day since, I have had contractions even while wearing the belt all day. Hello...See a connection?? Why, yes, maybe I do.

This is where my head starts messing with me. I see the value in resting more and doing less. I feel it even, I see that I could be, in fact, causing many of these symptoms by my lifestyle. But, on some level, I still feel as though I am a failure as a wife and mom if I can't do it all myself. If I can't do all the housework, take my daughter to the library, work, support friends, fix dinner and still be awake to spend time with my husband at the end of the day, that I have not lived up to my end of the bargain. You know, that unspoken bargain I made with myself, my husband, my daughter and my friends.

The part where it really gets tricky for me is that, I believe, some people in my life also feel this way. I feel judged if I don't do all the things I set out to do. I feel like a disappointment if they have to pick up some of my slack. And while I know it is perfectly ok to say that I can't do it all, my people pleaser is devestated when I catch the disapproving glances or nuances. And then the passive-aggressive side of me rears it's ugly head and I want to take it all back, to do it all! To do even more than before just to prove that I can. All the while, I am bitter towards others for not recognizing that I need help. When in fact, how would they know, because I don't want to bother anyone with the way I am feeling, so I usually keep it to myslef. I know it is a terrible and unhealthy cycle and incredibly unfair to those around me. Not to mention, irresponsible and unfair to the life inside of me. But, I am just being real and honest about the things I think about. (My mind...it's a scary place, people.)

All this to say that in the next couple of months, I am going to be doing some re-evaluating. I will need to make decisions as to the things I can let others do and the things that can be left undone. I will need to schedule times to rest even when that means that I may get a disapproving glance. I may need to skip storytime or a playgroup. But, most importantly, before I make any decisions, I need to first schedule in time with the One who gives me each and every moment.

Please pray with me that I will seek out some precious time with my Savior and begin to align my priorities with His. I am so thankful that He uses these difficult times to show me the areas where I need to be refined. That He loves me enough to push me out of the comfort zone where I have to rely on Him.

A little speechless

2009-03-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

I don't have many words this morning, but I feel compelled to make note of today.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day that Baby Blues left this earth and claimed his place in heaven.

If you think of it today, please say a prayer for my friends and family as they walk through the emotions of today.

Baby Blues,

We are so happy that you have begun your new life in heaven. But, we miss you more than there are words. Yesterday your mommy and I decorated your headstone. It looks beautiful. Today your cousin and friends will send some balloons your way. I hope they make you smile.

We love you.

a picture update

2009-03-18T08:06:00.001-07:00

Here is the only belly shot I have thus far. I am 27 weeks pregnant and as you can see, I am quite rotund... That's the Racer talking to our boy. Hey Racer, can you ask him his name while you are at it???

This is what my girl's hair looked like during the wedding. Her aunt bff rocked the updo. It is hard to believe that this little girl had hair so short and thin you could see through it just a year ago...

Here is the Cutie dancing with her cousin. These two didn't even skip a beat even though they hadn't seen each other in a few months. They had been counting down the days to be together again. So, adorable!

These are just a few pictures of the fun we had at a family wedding this weekend. It was so great to see out of town family and it makes me wish we had more occasions to get together.

Where do we begin??

2009-03-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

Things have been all kinds of crazy around here. Hopefully one day, when my brain works again, I can form a post that is more than just bullet points. But for now, it's all I can do.

(I really don't think it matters, because I am pretty sure we have no readers left out there. They both gave up on us when we began posting once a quarter...)

Firstly, who are those big kids in the header?? We had that other picture for so long, that the change seems very drastic to me.
My husband's brother and my good friend got married this weekend. It was a crazy, busy, beautiful time. She was a beautiful bride and they looked very much in love.
I was more tired last night than I can remember feeling since I delivered the Cutie. Now, that was tired!
For the past 10 weeks, I have been having contractions. Each week, they seem to get more frequent and at times more intense.
I am not showing signs of preterm labor. Which is good news, because my little guy needs to cook some more, Apparently my uterus is just irritable. I guess it's just being consistant with other parts of me, huh??
I am now required to drink A LOT, rest often and wear a maternity belt when I am not resting.
It's a tricky combo: Drink a gallon of water a day and then tightly strap this belt around your bladder...
Life has taken on a frantic pace and I am working hard to slow it down. I want to enjoy these last few months with my girl as an only child. I do not want to wake up one day and discover my little girl is all grown up and I can't recall how she got there. I know that the time will fly by, and she'll be grown before we know it, but I want to be able to remember the ride.

Like I said, if I can reach a point where I am able to form a coherant paragraph, I will be back with some better thoughts than these. And some pictures too :)

Until then, have a happy week, friends!

A recap of the random

2009-02-16T07:29:00.000-08:00

It seems as though we have been on a blogging strike. I think about writing often, but I can't ever seem to find the time. By evening, I am fighting to stay awake long enough to put the Cutie to bed and in the am, I am usually waking up early to take our roomie to school since she is on crutches. Naptimes have become all but non-existent. As you can tell, we are having some sleep issues around here. As in, we don't do it much around here.

At our bible study a couple of weeks ago, someone shared that women who get 7.5 hours of sleep lose more weight than those not getting enough sleep. At this rate, I think I should be able to shed this baby weight by the time he starts kindergarten... (I hope not!) I am holding out hope that this one can be a good sleeper and maybe he will encourage his sister to follow his example.

My husband gave me a whole day with no children (outside of my body) and no responsibilities on Thursday. And this was on a day when I had Dinoboy, even! It was like a little slice of heaven. And the Cutie was sure to pay me back ten-fold over the weekend when she really ramped up the crazy!

My girl took her life into her hands last week when she drew a 3 foot mural in the middle of our living room carpet while I dozed on the couch. This was 3 hours before my husband was coming home from his week long training, and our anniversary. I was NOT pleased! It was a little consolation to know that it was a carpet that is really in bad shape and needed to be replaced anyway. But, since we will not be replacing it anytime soon, I was VERY upset. Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue with her queen of clean advice. 2 bottles of rubbing alcohol and seltzer water did the trick. You can't even see the remnant of blue.

She just got the priviledge of using writing utensils back last night. She says every time she uses them, "I only write on paper. I won't write on the carpet again." Good call, sister.

I am 23 1/2 weeks pregnant. Most days I feel like it. Other days, I feel like I'm 38 weeks. I look much more pregnant, and frankly, I don't care. This little guy is really active and I just love feeling him bounce around in there. He always seems to know when his dad or sister are touching my stomach. Especially when she is leaning up against me. He always gives them little kicks. Funny thing is, he doesn't do it so much when others touch my stomach.

When I took her to the bathroom this morning, the Cutie was looking a little bulky. I asked her, "Are you wearing 2 pairs of pants?" She smiled and said, "No, three." It made me laugh. I discovered as I disrobed her that she actually had 4 pair on. I don't know what she was thinking. And, honestly, I don't know when she did it.

A friend said to me the other day that I had never mentioned that my husband is out of work. He is, and has been for almost 5 months. This has been an incredible time of growth and change for me personally and in our marriage. It has been humbling to see how God provides every month. We are living at a deficit of almost $700.00 per month yet, we have not missed one bill or payment. Work those numbers and tell me that God doesn't work miracles in every day life...

I did three loads of dishes yesterday. Most all of our dishes in the house were dirty. Ridiculous! Apparently the maid quit and forgot to inform me...

Happy Monday!

Reflections

2009-02-05T08:03:00.001-08:00

It has been just over a year since my Major Hunk returned from his deployment. Exactly one year since he was back in my arms, I was bidding him goodbye at the airport sending him off to a training conference. It's only a week long. But it did get me thinking...

Time is such an interesting thing. On one hand, it seems like he just returned, and on the other, like the deployment is a distant memory.

Two years ago found me preparing for our first holiday apart. I was still strong then. The loneliness didn't really take root until a few months later. I had a one year old to keep me busy. But the more she started to change and grow into a little person, the more difficult it became to accept that he was missing it.

One year ago found me a nervous wreck as we waited for those hangar doors to open. Crying tears of relief that my love had made it home safely from war. We were both changed people. As we couldn't wait to be back together, we were both nervous about what it might look like in our daily lives. Our daughter stared at the same man and wondered why everyone was so excited about him. And then she really got nervous when he came to our house and he stayed... And we won't even mention what she thought of him getting anywhere near her mom.

One week ago found me out of town on some family business longing for my family. However, my husband and daughter were having a blast and bonding in ways that one year ago didn't even seem possible. And two days later when we had to send him off to his training, you found our daughter crying for Daddy. Today finds her busy making plans for Daddy to take her to the park when he gets home in two days. It makes this mama's heart melt each time I see her run and leap into his arms.

When I think back on these past 3 years in bullet points like this, it is hard to believe where we have been and where we are today. Such is life. As we continue this journey called life, I hope I always remember to take the time to reflect. It is often in the reflection that we clearly see things that the busyness of life seems to blur.

Oh the growth!

2009-01-23T11:05:00.000-08:00

This morning, I took Dirty Jobs and the Cutie to our local indoor playground. I had such a precious morning just watching the two of them. I don't know if I have mentioned that I have been so lucky to work with Dirty Jobs as his habilitation worker. What that means is that in addition to having this sweet guy in our lives as a dear family friend, I also get to work with him one on one a few times a week. I have been doing this since August.

Well, today as I watched the two of them romp and play in the playland, it hit me. That little guy has grown so much. Not just in height (which he has) and not even in language (which he has), but just in all around maturity. I was able to see today that the additional language he has acquired has given the world such a beautiful gift. The gift of his personality. That little guy just loves life and he loves to share it with those around him. He is full of life and excitement to discover something new. He runs at life full speed ahead. But, just recently, he has also become aware of life's dangers. And he exercises restraint. Yesterday he heard me knock at the door and unlocked it. His mom told him to stop when he tried to open it. And you know what, he let go of the door and walked away. Just a few months ago, he would have rushed to open it and bolted out at the first opportunity.

I have enjoyed these past 6 months with him and look forward to the coming months with great anticipation. He has made huge progress on each of his goals in the past months. I am so excited to see him blow these new goals out of the water this coming year.

Thank you Racer for entrusting me with one of your most precious gifts.

And thank you Dirty Jobs for teaching me so much about life.

I love you guys!

Big Day

2009-01-19T09:09:00.001-08:00

Today was my big ultrasound. you know the one where they send you to have all the baby's systems checked out and let you now the sex of the baby. There was a little stress when the tech kept asking me questions that I didn't think were routine. Then the dr came in to check on some things. I was getting nervous and the bff had bowed her head in prayer by then. I asked the dr what he was looking at and he didn't answer. Then I started to panic a little. It turns out they were looking at the placenta and the uterine wall. I was contracting through the ultrasound and that was making it difficult to read. After a little bit of time, they were able to confidently announce that everything looked good. We got some precious pictures of the baby's foot and leg and a great profile shot. We even got a picture of a yawn.

And they were able to tell me with confidence that it looks like we are having a boy!

Let the great name debate begin...

**Leave me some boy names in the comments if you have some you like**

Don't let it slip away...

2009-01-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

I have been amazed at how different this pregnancy is from my first. More than anything, I have been amazed at how different I have been during this pregnancy. I relished in every moment of my first pregnancy. I was very focused. This time, I am enjoying it. But, I am also very distracted. When people ask how far along I am, I have to stop and think for a second. Well, I thought about it this morning. I am 19 weeks pregnant. That is almost half-way there. Wow.

I want to document some of it here so I don't let it slip right past. This pregnancy has been an eventful one. We found out I was pregnant just 6 days after my husband's orders ran out and he was officially out of a job. That also meant we were officially without insurance. It was 6 months after Baby Blues went to heaven and only one week after I told my therapist my fears about how a pregnancy could really rock the world of our extended family in this light. It was also one week after my bff had her tubal reversal surgery. I was a little shell-shocked. I also wondered about the timing. But, knowing that His timing is perfect, I courageously stepped into this new phase of our life and didn't look back.

Now that we are halfway through it, I have all but forgotten those early fears. I have popped out in epic porportions. I am tired and achy and don't get nearly enough sleep. I haven't monitored my diet like the first and I have even begun drinking caffeine. *gasp* (I wouldn't have dreamed of such things the first time around.) And, I have a different perspective this time. I am carrying life. And, after walking through the most difficult journey of her life with my best friend, life takes on a whole new meaning. Life is precious. Every life. No matter when it comes. And none of those other things really matter. It doesn't matter what changes occur to my body. It doesn't matter that I look twice as big as every other pregnant lady at church. What matters is that the Lord sees us fit to parent this child for as many days as He has ordained.

I was chosen to be this baby's mother. Major Hunk has been chosen to be it's father. And the Cutie has been chosen to be it's big sister. May we never get so wrapped up in our ideas or concerns that we lose sight of that priviledge.

21 weeks (more or less) until I have to share this baby with the world. And, I plan to enjoy every private moment we have together until then.

Conviction?? Well, come on in.

2009-01-14T04:34:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my post last week my mouth often gets me into trouble. It is one of the things that I feel convicted about most often. And again today, I am awake at unspeakable hours wondering how do I always end up in the same place? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't go around spreading gossip or bashing people's character. It's much more subtle than that. In my concern for others, I often overshare my opinions. My goal for this week is to remember that it doesn't really matter what I think, and I certainly don't always have to share my opinions, especially when no one asked.

Here are some scriptures I have found regarding my mouth and how I need to keep it shut and be better about using it for good.

Ephesians 4:29- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth- only that which benefits those who listen.

Psalm 19:14- May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord.

James 3:9,11- With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Can both fresh and salt water come from the same spring?

1 Peter 3:2- They may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Proverbs 10:19- When words are many, sin is not absent. But, he who holds his tongue is wise.

There are so many more, but I must stop here and let these 5 sink in today. There is plenty here for me to think on.

Happy Birthday Party

2009-01-12T04:45:00.001-08:00

Well, I am finally getting around to the Cutie's birthday post. Her birthday was more than 2 weeks ago, but we just wrapped up the celebrations this weekend. As Dirty Jobs told the bff on Saturday, "Happy Birthday party".

Dear Cutie,

That Christmas of 2005 when I waddled around with you still inside of me, we knew your days in there were numbered. Oh, how I loved feeling you inside of me. I was not in a hurry to get you out of there. And, frankly, you seemed pretty content to be there as well. I kept asking the doctors to let you stay a few more days and wait for natural labor. Finally, Dr. S drew the line and said it was time. They scheduled me for an induction. 19 long hours later, we finally got to meet you, face to face. We struggled through those first weeks and I was so thankful when they finally determined your food allergies. Once we got you onto that pricey hypo-allergenic formula, you (and I) were so much happier. You were such a smiley baby!

When you were 4 months old, your daddy left for some training in another state. It was hard because we missed him, but I was so thankful to have your smiles and laughter to fill my days. I was able to document your first year for him with pictures and emails and texts so he wouldn't miss out on any of your milestones. Then, we spent our first Christmas together as a family right before Daddy left for Afghanistan. We made so many memories and he had a blast catching up on who you were becoming. The year that Daddy was overseas, was one of the most difficult of my life. Mommy lost her mind a little bit and the house got pretty messy. But, we had lots of laughs. You brought so much joy to my days and I am so grateful that you were with me during that time. And though you may never remember it, it will always remain a special time for me with you.

I love the special relationship we have based on the fact that it was just the two of us for most of your first two years. But, I have loved watching you and Daddy work out that relationship. The first little while was tough. I couldn't be out of your sight. You wouldn't let him hold you or take over any of "my" duties. But now, it was all worth it. Finding you two in the garage fiddling with tools or building something never fails to make me smile. Watching the physical play that you and Daddy engage in usually makes me laugh. No matter how tired he is, he can't resist you when you say, "You can't get me," and take off running through the house. The giggles are precious. You love your time with daddy and you start to get cranky if too many days go by without getting that special one on one time with him. Your dates together are always good for both of you.

Your third, was the last birthday we had together as a family of three. Next year, your brother or sister will be here to share it with you. This next year will be full of changes. But, as your life has already shown us, I think you will transition beautifully. You have already taught your mommy and daddy so much.

Thank you for being the one who taught me how to be a mother. Thank you for the patience and grace you continue to show me as I walk through each and every stage of your life. And thank you for becoming the beautiful little girl that God has created you to be. Your love inspires me to be a better wife and mom and a better woman.

I love you, baby girl.

Fireproof- week 1

2009-01-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

Major Hunk and I just began a bible study called "Fireproof Your Marriage". It is based on the movie Fireproof. I hope you have seen the movie, but if you haven't...you should. My favorite line from the movie is when Caleb's friend tells him that fireproof doesn't mean that fires won't come, but that when fires do come, it doesn't bring destruction. Yes. I am ready to live in a marriage that is fireproofed. Because anyone who is married knows that fires come.

Week 1 was based on Ephesians 5:21-33. This scripture gives us instructions for treating each other as husband and wife. At the core of it, we learned that women need to feel loved and men need to feel respected. I was challenged to find ways in which I can show my husband respect this week.

Here are some scriptures that spoke to me:

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come our of your mouth- only that which benefits the listener.

1 Peter 3:1b-2

That they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence in your life.

Apparently there is a theme in my life: I talk too much. And the things I say are not always uplifting. If you remember during the Priscilla Schirer study I did, the Lord spent many a weeks with me about my tongue and the words that I speak. Boy, I am slow learner. Thankfully, the Lord is so faithful, that He will keep bringing me back to it.

So, my goals for this week are:

Do things that make my husband feel respected by me.
Use words that build him up- when I speak to him and about him.

I hope you will join us in finding ways to fireproof your relationship as we work through this 6 week study.

Oh My Four!

2009-01-05T07:32:00.000-08:00

Dirty Job,

I greeted you this morning with, "Happy Birthday, Dirty Job." Your reply was, "Happy Birthday, Mommy." It made me grin.

What a journey this past year has been. I have watch you grow and change and GROW some more. Have I mentioned you are HUGE? Your biggest growth, though, has been your speech. We have watched the miracle of who you are unfold this past year. I firmly believe that the Lord answered my prayer for speech through therapy and chelation. You are so fun to listen to!

I love your love for animals, t-rexes and most of all, your love for people. I love when you say hi to strangers. I love when you come up to give me a hug and preface it with, "big hug." Your newest trick is to say, "Come back," in this pathetically sad voice. It cracks me up!

You love talking about the letters of the alphabet, music, and various movies. You enjoy going to the park and riding your big wheel. You like to hike - but only if it involves going up a mountain. No easy trail for you! You love animals, both real and plastic.

The other night as we were laying in your bed I told you that the most important thing to me, even more important than talking is that you love Jesus. Your response, "Thank you, Jesus, Amen." I look forward to seeing and hearing you thank the Lord for many, many things that are to come.

I am so excited as I anticipate the next year with you, sweet boy. Happy Birthday to you!

What's Up?

2009-01-04T02:05:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a ridiculous amount of time since we have posted on here. The holidays just get like that, don't they? There is so much to share, but so little time to do it. So, in order to keep your boredom to a minimum, here are the cliff's notes.

Our trip to the mountain state:

It was so great to see family. There was so much going on, the time just flew by. But, there was a baby to be admired, girl time to catch up on, an adorable pregnant belly that I couldn't get enough of and of course, some social awkwardness (ours, not theirs) thrown in for good measure. The wedding was fabulously beautiful. My daughter danced like a rock star the whole night. It really was a highlight for me. Lots of good memories were made. But, I was ready to get home on Christmas Eve.

Our Christmas:

We had a really great morning together. The Cutie slept until an unprecedented 8 am. I gave many thanks being that I was up late wrapping gifts after a long night of travel and a trip to our local drugstore for forgotten stocking stuffers. Our girl was really excited to open some presents and I got some really precious pictures of her. It was a real blessing to include our roommate in our family traditions and family time as she really needs this in her life. We are so glad she is here with us. After our fun, relaxing morning, it was off to a whirlwind of holiday fare. My biggest blessings of the season came hidden in our tiny Christmas budget this year. It was humbling, yet refreshing, to give a small gift and not feel the need to apologize or explain. And, you know what, no one was the worse for it. I think my favorite lesson was seeing that my daughter was happy with the three small gifts we were able to put under the tree for her. In the whole scheme of things, the gifts were a small part of our holiday. And for me, that was really refreshing. My most special Christmas gift came that afternoon while I visited Baby Blues gravesite and I felt baby #2 kick for the first time. It was quite symbolic.

Cuties 3rd birthday:

She had a busy day, just like she likes it. She had spent the night before with the bff and family. I joined them for breakfast the next day, she and I decorated her cake together, our family went to our local pizza joint for some games and we topped it all off with a movie. We then headed back to Dinoboy's for some rousing games of crocodile dentist, or whatever that game is called. She had a party with her grandparents yesterday and a joint kid's party with Dirty Jobs is in our near future. She has been glowing as she shares the news (with everyone) that she's 3 now. Oddly, she really does seem older.

Other randomness:

Well, my baby's 3. And, that makes me a little nostalgic.

Our financial state is such that we are in a place ripe for huge growth in my life and in our marriage. It is a very scary and exciting, and scary, place to be.

My in-laws found a dog this week. It is lost and lonely and they are caring for it while they try to find it's family. But, so far, no luck. So begins my father-in-laws quest for making it our family pet. So, a trip to meet the dog was in order. My husband is in love. And our daughter informed us that she wants to "bring it home, to our house, now". Those were her words. And she is really on the fence about dogs in general. She loves some and fears others. Did I mention that this dog is GIANT?? As in, when it stands on all fours, it's head is taller than our three year old. And it has a thick coat of white hair. That gets on everything it touches. And things it doesn't touch. The dog rested his head on the kitchen counter while we were there. Again, I must say, GIANT. So, here are my thoughts:

Oh the hair. It will be everywhere. Do I really need to throw that into the mix with my already lacking housekeeping skills?
Is it wise to bring a dog that is big and strong into our house with our child when we don't know it's background/history?
Umm, we will have a newborn in 5 months.
We can't actually afford to feed this dog right now.
And, to be brutally honest, I fear that this dog will become another thing I have to take care of/ clean up after. And, I am not ready to make that kind of commitment.

But seeing how happy my husband was to pet and play with this dog yesterday has me thinking about it. He really loves dogs and really missing having one. Watching how my daughter went from terrified of this gentle giant to sitting next to and resting her head on it's back within only a couple of hours, has me thinking about it. In fact, this is the reason I am awake and typing this at 4 am. I can't get that dog off my mind! Is the Lord wanting to grow our family with a dog and a newborn all in the same year? Could we be missing out on the companionship that a dog can provide based on all my rationalizations? Are we crazy to even consider it at this point?

I don't know. But, I do know that we are going to have to discuss it. Here's hoping for a clear sign from the Lord soon!

Last of all, Major Hunk and I have been finding some names that we can actually agree on in the past week. We actually have both girl and boy names that we both like. And, if you know us, you know this is huge! Now, I won't lie, I am a little disappointed that my favorite names are not on that list, but still.

Happy Sunday, friends.

2 Years Post-Diagnosis

2008-12-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

Last year at this time, Dirty Jobs was non-verbal for the most part. He knew Santa says HoHoHo, and probably a couple of other things. I referred to him as being non-verbal in a post from last December.

Two years ago, he was diagnosed with 'Suspected Autism.'

Today, he told me a some things:
"I wan a movie. No Thomas."
"Git up Dad."
"Tickle, tickle, tickle."
"Hi Grandma."
"I wan a cheeseburger."
"I go to church."
"Bye, Ma."
"I get on"
"My turn"
"Water, please"
"Santa, Santa - ho, ho, ho"
"Help"
"Go to Target. Toys!"

And more.

So, if you have prayed for our boy, in any way, ever...THANK YOU. We are watching a Miraculous Gift being unwrapped before our very eyes!

Lord, we know you have BLESSED us with such a gift in our sweet son. Thank you for your hand on his life, your mercy on ours, and your answer being yes! We know you have given us great teachers, therapists, nurses, physicians, habilitation and respite workers. But we also thank you because we know You have done an amazing work in our little boys life. You've rocked our world, completely blown us away! We know this journey has only just begun...

Early morning randomness...

2008-12-20T02:58:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update from our trip since apparently this baby doesn't want me to get any more sleep no matter what town I lay my head in...

We have traveled to a place that actually experiences winter. Up until last night, it was cold, but not unbearable. Last night, the wind kicked up, and I have never felt cold like that before! This warm-blooded girl was cracking the natives up... But, it is fun for my girl to see what snow is. She doesn't get to enjoy it much, being that she hates wearing a heavy coat.

She is, however, enjoying spending this time with her cousins! From the moment we landed at the airport, she has been asking for her cousins. And every moment we are not with them, she is asking about them. They are so precious together!

All the girls went to a nail salon last night so the bride and wedding party could get their nails done. I let the Cutie get her nails painted and it was quite possibly the most precious thing I have ever seen! She sat in the chair like she was so big. Sat so still and has loved showing them off to everyone. Her cousin, the flower girl, had hers painted as well. She sat the rest of the night with her fingers straight out so the polish wouldn't smudge. I wouldn't be surprised if we peeked in on her sleeping to find her little fingers straight out above the covers. Absolutely adorable!

Today officially kicks off the wedding stuff. It has been such a blessing to watch this family roll with each new twist and turn in the plans. Life has been crazy around here! This family has been though many ups and downs in the past few months. It is precious to see them all come together and uphold the things that really matter! In the few short days since I have been here, I have seen them appreciate the small things. Something that is easy to lose sight of when wedding plans are underway. What a precious day it will be!

Yesterday, I also got to spend some time with my newest neice. She's actually my great-neice, and I like to say it because it confuses people :) She is a tiny pink bundle of beautiful! It was so fun to get to spend a few minutes enjoying her. And her mama: She is beautiful. It's hard being a new mom and she has handled it all with such grace amidst such hectic circumstances. So proud of her.

And because I know the Racer is wondering, Jenn and I did get a belly shot yesterday. We will post it soon...

Racer's Christmas Tour

2008-12-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome. Come in to my kitchen. Where Santa is standing on the cupboards, safe from curious hands. One Santa didn't make it. My curious almost 4 year old climbed up and broke a Santa. Curious Almost 4 Year Old's Artwork. And his dictated sentence!

The Great Christmas Tree Debacle of '08. Seriously. That's my tree, laying down on a table.

My newest favorite nativity. From KENYA. I triple heart it. It is in the master bedroom (hopefully) safe and sound. I sometimes refer to it as the Precious. My friends brought it back to me from their African missions trip in Oct/Nov. My family also collects nativities, so this was the PERFECT thing for them to bring me!!!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Tour of Homes

2008-12-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I think I am going to make the cut off... Or I will post this a day late. Either way.

Welcome to our home:

This is our christmas tree. Let me give a shout out to the pre-lit trees all over the world. I absolutely love decorated christmas trees! But, I really dislike putting lights on. So, the pre-lit tree was a must have.

A funny story about our tree. My husband was quizzing me on the story behind each of our ornaments the other night. The only two he referred to as "hideous" were ornaments that I had made. Alrighty, then. Point taken.

Here is our mantle. This is most exciting, because this is the first year we have ever had an actual mantle and I am not hanging our stockings off a bookshelf somewhere in the house.

Major Hunk and I have been collecting nativity scenes since we got married. This was the one we bought our first christmas together. Aaaww...

And this is actually the first nativity scene we ever bought as a married couple.
In June.
In Alaska.
We love it so.

I have so many more things that I would love to show you, but the Cutie has really been cranking it up in the whining and tantrums department. Between that and fighting off the plauge, I need to keep it brief.
You're welcome.

Thanks for stopping by. Go by Boomama's and check out the oh-so-many other homes in the tour.

Merry Christmas, bloggy friends.

The Cutie gets it from her Mama

2008-12-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

Cpt Mom rocks the pregnant look. She is already showing, and it's about ADORABLE. I just absolutely love it! So without further ado, and with no permission from her, I present Prego Cpt Mom showing off the apron she won at a Cookie Exchange we went to. And yes, I am absolutely jealous of the belly AND the apron.

In case no one has told you, you are beautiful.

What I've Been Doing

2008-12-11T07:19:00.001-08:00

Last Friday, the kids and I headed to Grandma Poppa's house. Dirty Job had requested it several times a day for a week or so, and I was happy to finally be going. Saturday I headed out to my b/f from high school's wedding shower while the kids journeyed to the land of Mouse and fun. I met up with them later and we had a grand time. Dirty Job loves Thunder Mountain and it is a blast to ride with him. My most favorite moment of the evening was when they were converting Sleeping Beauty's castle to the icicle wonderland. We happened to be walking by, and stopped to watch. And then IT SNOWED. And the look on What Not To Wear's face...priceless. I know in the grand scheme of things that is not a big deal, but her innocence and awe ~ I don't think I'll ever forget it! The biggest downer of the evening was overhearing a gentleman (I use that term loosely) say that many people now get wheelchairs for someone in their party so they don' t have to wait in the longer lines. My feelings on that, well, I'll save for another post.
My girl crouped out while in Cali, and was home the first couple days of the week. She camped out in our bedroom and was such a trooper. She just has the lingering cough now, which the nurse practitioner said could stay around for awhile. I'm glad she's feeling better though, because sick during the holiday season is NO FUN.
I am adjusting my expectation for Christmas. Hubs and I agreed that we would get a REAL TREE this year, as this is a big deal to me. You can't replicate that smell, people. Now we are 2 weeks away from Christmas, we won't be here for Christmas, and we don't have a live tree. I'll be moving our artificial tree to where the real tree would have gone and the kids and I shall decorate it asap. There's always next year!
I've been avoiding the air, water, people at church. As you can see in Cpt's previous post, there seems to be something going around...

Baby Fever

2008-12-10T02:41:00.000-08:00

There is a bad case of it going around in our church. In the past 2 months, 6 couples have found out they are pregnant. Understand, we belong to a small church. Six couples is a substantial percentage of the young couples in our church. But, we do things in waves here. Six weddings last year and six babies next year (so far). Baby goodness is abounding!

So, if you don't want to have a baby next year...you may want to steer clear.

I'm just sayin...

On a related note, I had another ultrasound yesterday. It is such a special time for me to see my little one. I have felt a little unattached throughout this pregnancy thus far. I don't know if it's because I have the distractions of a toddler this time. Maybe it's the amount of stress I have had throughout. It may be some underlying fear and emotions from Baby Blues unexpected departure. In all honestly, it's probably a little bit of all of that. But, whatever the reason, I have felt a little disconnected to what's going on inside of me. But, the ultrasounds have been a really special time for me with this little one. It's a time that I feel connected with him/her. We also got a really special surprise. We were able to get an educated guess on the baby's gender. Now, it's still a little early to know for sure, but the dr thought he could tell. And on that note, I have to tell you that my husband doesn't want us to get our sights set on one over the other being that it is so early and unsure. He wants to be cautious and wait until my ultrasound next month to really begin any planning. So, in order to honor my husband, I am not going to announce what the dr shared with us yesterday in regards to the possible gender.

Just know that I really want to...

Although, I will tell you that when the Cutie told people that she is having both a brother and a sister...she was wrong.

No twins here.

Remembers for December

2008-12-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

To teach my daughter about the real meaning of Christmas.
To enjoy time with family and friends even when my schedule gets hectic.
To thank my husband everyday for the things he does for our family.
To leave my financial burdens at the cross. Every.one.of.them.
Try not to be so cranky at my family. (Apparently some hormones are flooding my body...)
Pay attention to my body as I wait to feel this little one move inside me for the first time.
Keep Christ in the center of all my Christmas activities

Dear My Deadliest Catch (Hubs)

2008-12-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

9 years ago, I walked into a church on my father's arm and my heart set on you. You and I, we were livin on love. I vowed that your people would be my people, and your God would be my God.

We've stuck that covenant in a fiery furnace a time or seventy, and yet through the fires I've watched the impurities melt and your character emerge.

What a journey it's been, and I'm so glad I get to continue to walk this out with you.

You make me proud to be your wife everyday.

I love you. Beyond words.

A Place of My Own.

2008-12-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

Last night in our bible study, the pastor touched on a topic that I have heard so many times. But, last night, it hit me in a whole different way.

John 14:2- In my Father's house, there are many rooms...I am going there to prepare a place for you.

He explained to us that in the original language, this word meant a place just for you. It can't be filled by any other. If you don't fill it, it will be left empty. I guess in the past I have always taken that verse to mean that He prepared a place for us. A place for all of us believers to go, meaning heaven in general.

It really got me thinking. I think our hearts are made in this image. I think there is a place in each parent's heart that has a place prepared for each of our children. And it is a place that no matter how many we love, it can not be filled by anyone but them. No other child can fill the other's place. No matter how many children we have. Our hearts just grow bigger allowing new spaces to be created for each child the Lord intends to be ours.

I love how the Lord uses our relationship as parent and child show us a little bit of Himself.

Reminders for December

2008-12-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

Remember WHO we are celebrating, not how we do it.
Listen for the laughter of my children. Do things that will spark that laughter.
Cook and bake with What Not to Wear. As much as she wants to.
Therapy Dirty Jobs until he can't take anymore. So many fun memories can be had through the work.
Give. Give as much as I can, whether that be time, talent or treasure.
Pray- pray for my dear friends who are missing their sweet Baby Blues. I can't imagine trying to balance that kind of sorrow with the joy that comes from parenting Elf. Have we mentioned here on the blog that Dinoboy loves Christmas/Santa SOMETHING FIERCE!
Love my husband in word and deed.
Celebrate with many friends and family. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life.
Worship the One who was sent to save me. The act of God Most High sending His Son for me in the form of a baby? Blows me away. I am overwhelmed by that kind of love.
Do NOT be deceived by my ovaries. They are working overtime as they see all the baby cuteness and the round bellies showing evidence of the miracle of life.

Big Sister

2008-12-02T05:57:00.001-08:00

We have been introducing Cpl Cutie to the idea since we first found out I was pregnant. In fact, two days after I found out, I picked up a shirt that says, "I'm the big sister." We thought that would be a fun way to tell our parents. (By the way, my parents totally did not get it. We had to spell it out for them.) I have also been talking to her a lot about the baby in mommy's tummy. She has come to the conclusion that since she is the big sister, there must be a little sister in there. She won't even consider the fact that it could be a little brother. We are working on breaking the possibility to her.

A little background on my girl:
She is our first.
She is the youngest of all the children she spends most of her time with. She has learned quickly that the little one will get pushed around if allowed. So, due to her quick learning and her first born tendencies, she has developed some bossy habits.
She loves to play with dolls and likes to dictate to me how the baby needs to be cared for. "She wants you, she wants me, she wants her baba, hold her like this" etc.
She loves to pretend play.
She is a big time mama's girl.

So, I am excited for her to become a big sister, because I know she will be great at it. Bossy, but great. I also think we will have some big transitions on our hands. We did a short dry run yesterday. We watched a cousin's 7 month old on an outing and I thought it would be interesting to see how she reacted to mama spending so much time with him in her presence. Well, she was such a champ! She didn't show any signs of jealousy. She wanted to help push him in the stroller, even let him use her stroller without much ado. She held his bottle and she got down on the floor with him to play. She could not understand why he couldn't walk and play with her though. All in all, I was so excited about how the day went. I know that this is just a small snapshot and it will be totally different when the baby lives in our house 24/7. But, I did feel like this was a positive sign.

On a related note, I have some concerns about how the transition will be for me as well. How will I handle a toddler and a newborn? Will it be a replay of "Cryfest 2005"? Today, I felt like I did well with both of them. I was exhausted when I was done, but other than that, I wasn't too ruffled by a toddler and a baby. I had a preschooler with us as well, so I went from one to three on this outing. Again, I know it will be totally different come June, butI still count it as a good sign.

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell whether we will have a Cryfest 2009. More to come on that this summer...

Get your tissues.

2008-11-30T04:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby Blues,

Today marks the first day that you have officially lived in heaven longer than you were here on earth with us. I don't even have words. But, I don't want this day to go unmentioned.

I am going to have another baby. Your little cousin. I can't believe you won't get to meet him/her this side of heaven. That we won't get to see you play together. That I won't get to watch you join in the fun with Dinoboy and Cutie as they fall over themselves just to make the baby laugh.

I have so many thoughts rushing through my head, but I think I am going to share about the memories I have from your time here with us.

The time during a memorial service at church when you made a present in your diaper loud enough for the entire congregation to hear. The Racer and I are so mature, we busted up laughing. It's ok, I think Sister L would have thought it was funny too...

The pathetic, pouty face you would make if someone would approach you in your swing and dare not pick you up. It was hard to resist.

The times in church when I would hold you during worship. Your little body against me as I sang, always drew me closer into His presence.

The times when your mom and I would sit and make up nickname after nickname for you. Your beautiful name just had so many possibilities. Some stuck. Thankfully, some did not.

These are just a few of the memories I have of our time here together. Thank you for sharing your life with us. We are blessed because of it. I miss you.

I love you,
Aunt D.

With Many Thanks:

2008-11-26T03:46:00.000-08:00

Today officially kicks off the beginning of my Thanksgiving cooking. And I am so excited! I am have some new recipes that I am really excited about making. But, more than that, I love having people in our home. I love the food and the fun and most importantly, the love that goes into all of us being together. Now, don't get me wrong, there is always the potential for a healthy dose of social awkwardness (like in all areas of my life...), but I just love me some busy family time.

Some things I am thankful for this season, and always:

We have a family member coming tomorrow who has been unable to celebrate with us for about 4 years. We are so excited to have the whole family together this year!
The love of a God who pursues me even when I am too distracted to notice.
The love of a husband who loves me even more today than he did 6 years ago when he asked me to be his wife.
A little girl who wants to hug and kiss her baby and lifts my shirt to do so, often. She brings a smile to my face every day.
Family and friends who love me no matter how much I dork it up...
When my belly rubs up against something as I try to squeeze through a small space, reminding me of the life growing inside of me.
This recipe.
Our friend and roomate has come to join our family. We are so happy that she is here!
In three weeks, I will be in a cold state celebrating life and marriage and the birth of our Savior with family I haven't seen in over a year!

Happy Thanksgiving.
May it be a day filled with friends, family, food and fun.

And please join me as I pray for those who do not look forward to the holidays...

Oh Irony, you crack me up!

2008-11-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at a stoplight this afternoon with the warm sun beating through the rolled down windows and getting a little sweaty in the 89 degrees. I was wondering why I had chosen to wear jeans today when it is still so warm in the afternoons.

All the while I was singing along to the radio..."It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas".

Family

2008-11-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

For all the mountains this life will have, I am grateful to have these people climbing with me.

Joy.

Things I MAY or MAY NOT have done/said/thought

2008-11-19T00:05:00.000-08:00

Kissed a pair of Asics Gel Kayanos and said "Hello, lover."
Yelled at snapfish for not letting me use 2 discounts at once.
Ordered some pasta and then got too full on the soup before it.
Yelled at my toilet for being broken...again. What up with all the yelling?
Clapped my hands when I found out more Black Friday ads had been released.
Listened to the kids' "Gma K" explain how my son gave her a black eye.
Drank too much iced tea which was obviously caffeinated which is obviously why I'm still up at 1:15am

Aside from all that RANDOM, I also made sure to give God a big SHOUT OUT for dealing with me on some issues yesterday so that my heart was in a better place today. I also got to pick up my picture disk from my wonderfully awesome, amazing, crafty friend that took our family pictures on Sunday. She is OBVIOUSLY way more efficient than me. Go, Pollyanna.

Send them some love...

2008-11-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

I read about a fabulous project on BigMama's blog. One of her readers is sponsoring a campaign called "Dear Army Family". It is a project in which families send cards to military families of deployed soldiers at Ft Sill. I can tell you it is lonely spending the holidays away from your soldier. Even though we knew it was right where the Lord wanted us last year, it was lonely. And sad. And made me want to hide under the covers and wish the days away.

Soldiers make a HUGE sacrifice. But the sacrifice of their families so often goes unnoticed because there is no physical danger. A friend once said it best. She told me, "We are expected to continue living our lives each day. But, there is a huge hole in the middle of our lives that only we can see and feel."

So, please, go read this post and send a card to a family. You could really make their day.

It's not about that.

2008-11-16T03:08:00.000-08:00

So, once again, I find myself up in the middle of the night. Thoughts racing through my head. "Where is my purse?" "Why am I so thirsty?" "Why are all these difficult times happening to those that I love?" "God, can't you let these people who are going through trials, just have a break?" "Why is is just one after another after another?" "I'm hungry, where are those nuts I just bought?" I know, my mind, it's a scary and complicated place...

I pull up a blog in which the author offers to give back to her readers by praying for them. I read through the 89 comments. I have some definite prayer requests. But, as I continue to read, I realize something. The things I have been praying for are just that, "things". And, as I read, I ponder the fact that I feel far away from God in a lot of ways. The worst part is, I didn't even really know it. And then I realize...this "thing"...this situation...It is so much bigger than that. So much more important than knowing where our next paycheck will come from. It is about the fact that the God of the universe loves me enough to want more for me. Even when I am too short sighted to want more for myself.

As I began reading those comments, my prayer requests were that my husband would find a job. That we would once again have insurance. That this baby will continue to grow strong and healthy. That I could even begin to wrap my mind around bringing another life into my realm of crazy. But, as I finished reading, the Lord had spoken to my heart. This is really about faith. Those other things, they are just by-products of life, of being a human in this world. The real problem is that I have grown complacent. I have become numb to the healing touch of my God because of some hard lessons that life has thrown my way in the past few years. Life hurts sometimes, and I have become guarded. Guarded in hopes that each sting will hurt a little less than the last. (It didn't work.) But, by becoming guarded, all I have really protected myself from is feeling my Father's touch. From allowing His healing balm to be applied to my heart.

I have so many blessings in my life. I have a beautiful (and growing) family. I have people in my life who love me so big that it's incredible. I have a home, a car, plenty of food, and there is still money in the bank. I'm living the dream, really. It is what I always wanted for my life: to be a wife and mom and be surrounded by people that I love. Then, why do I still feel so dissatisfied? Because I have been going about it wrong. I have been trying to do and have all these things and calling on God when times get hard. He wants more than that for me. He wants more than that for you. I don't want God to have to rock my world in a way that devastates me before I learn to lean on Him for my every step. I want to live that way now, in this moment.

Lord, forgive me for my complacent attitude. Forgive my hardened heart and the fact that I have ignored you in many areas. Please, remind me to pray. There are so many needs that I forget to bring to you. Even though you know them anyway, help me to be obedient in my need to bring them. Change my heart. Help me to see my need for you in everything. And, please, help me to be a more joyful wife and mother. I no longer want to take my blessings for granted. And, Lord, please help me to lay it all at your feet. To stop beating myself up over the fact that I haven't prayed enough, haven't been in your word enough, haven't trusted enough or had enough faith. Help me to begin new today, right now. I love you and I want you to change my life. Amen.

Thank you God that you still change people even after you have given lots of chances. Thank you that you will still speak to me, even in the middle of the night at my computer. And thank you God that you love me even though you know I am headed off to bed with my mind whirling with new questions, "How did I get so lucky?" "How many almonds did I just consume?" and still, "Where is my purse?" But, mostly, I go to bed with a new found peace that my God, who loves me enough to wake me from my slumber, still reigns.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

He Is.

*When you have some time, head over to MckMama's blog and read about the miracle that is their story*

A Blogworthy Day

2008-11-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

You know how I said I couldn't find anything to blog about?? Well, today happened and that quickly changed. The Racer and I took Dirty Job, the Cutie and Skater Tot to the drive thru car wash. I know, I am a barrel of fun. But, the kids wanted to go somewhere and my car desperately needed a wash. So we get there and I don't have any cash. The Racer saved the day with $6. The whole time all three kids are chanting, "Car Wash, Car Wash!" I pop the car in neutral and take my foot off the brake. We are rolling along. We continue to roll all the way through the car wash bay. The Racer and I are both yelling, "Why is it going through? Why isn't it stopping?" The kids are wondering what happens next. Well, we roll out the other side of the car wash and keep on going. Why am I still rolling?? Oh, I actually put it in drive, not neutral. Oops.

The laughing begins from us. The screams come from the back. They are very upset that we didn't do the car wash.

So, I try to high tail it back into the bay so I can get some of that $6. car wash actually on my car. As I am zooming around, another car pulls in front of me and proceeds to watch as our $6 washes the invisible car in the bay. He then puts his money in and is sitting there for a record amount of time. We are looking at the time realizing we have to pick up What Not to Wear from school in 15 minutes and we are still sitting there. And yes, the kids are still yelling in the back about the injustice of it all. Finally the guy in the car in front is waving me on. Um, I'm sorry. I can't actually pass you, this is a one lane car wash... The Racer finally talks some sense into me and says he may want me to come to his car. So, I get out and walk up to him. Long story short, his car is stuck and the conveyor belts are not pulling him through. All I could think was, put it in drive, you should sail right through... He wants me to go inside and alert them to his situation. So, I am backing out of the car wash, ever so carefully as to not hit my mirrors. BAM. I hit some mystery construction object that was on the ground. In addition to the kids screams about still not getting a car wash, now the Racer is laughing so hard she is crying. Maybe a little hyperventilating.

It was the kind of day that makes me laugh everytime I think about it.

I eventually drove the kids to another car wash and had only minimal difficulty. Dirty Job has long since fallen asleep, the Cutie was mesmerized, and Skater Tot was screaming his head off. When we got out, he couldn't stop talking about the soap and the water.

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS. Sing it with me...

A try at the list...

2008-11-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Maybe I can get some of my random thoughts out of my head if I just throw out a list. Let's see:

I am very excited that the holidays are coming. The fall/winter holidays motivates me to want to be crafty and decorate my home. The Racer and I just bought some crafty items and I want to get started right away.
We also do bake days with our kiddos. Meaning we let them help us mix up the batter and after they try to lick the spoon and stick their fingers in 42 times, we banish them to go play and complete the baking ourselves. I love these days. They are good for my heart. Not good for my waistline...but good for my soul.
My daughter has discovered those red movie rental machines. What she hasn't grasped is that they don't always have the movies advertised available for immediate rental. Just because there is a picture of a doggie movie doesn't necessarily mean we can take it home and watch it today. She has figured out that there are boxes at other stores and thinks we should drive around to another one if this one doesn't have the movie of her choice. Well, that just changed the level of convenience, didn't it?
I rented a movie from the public library. I think they might be wishing they hadn't allowed me a library card right about now. I seriously can not remember to take that thing back!
I am 10 weeks pregnant. I just read this today: "Your baby's crown-to-rump length is now about 1 1/4 inches, and she weighs less than half an ounce." Ok, so can someone please explain to me why I easily look 4 months pregnant and have gained 5 pounds??

Writer's block

2008-11-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

Pregnancy does weird things to this mama. It totally messes with my sleep patterns. I am so tired that sometimes I can't think straight. If I sit down in the afternoons, I will probably doze off. When I lay the Cutie down at night, I almost always fall asleep before she does. But, if you need me between 2 and 5 am, check at the computer. I seem to wake up each night during this time. I lay in bed and will myself back to sleep, but it won't come. By the time I have gone to the bathroom, gotten some water and had a snack, I am so wide awake I couldn't sleep if I tried.

It's rude I tell you.

So, each night, I think to myself, since I am wide awake, "why don't I write a post for my blog being that the quality of my posts have been scattered and boring at best?" And then I proceed to think about the fact that I can't actually think of anything that is blog-worthy to write about.

How do I get started? How do I work past all the rambling in my head and find a post that might actually mean something to me and maybe to someone else?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Me= Doesn't think before speaking

2008-11-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

I say things at inappropriate times.

It's ridiculous.

Carry on.

The miracle that is life.

2008-11-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

I had an ultrasound today. The intricacies of the human body never fail to amaze me. The fact that a sperm and an egg collide and my body knows what to do with it to create a human just floors me. I have a theory that anyone who doesn't believe in the power of God should study the development of the human in the womb. It is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

The baby measured 9 weeks 4 days today. Which, technically speaking means that the baby is 7 1/2 weeks developed. The baby that we saw today had an identifiable head, abdomen, arms, legs, knees and elbows. We could also see the ear and nose. And don't forget the beating heart. So, don't tell me that's just a mass of tissue in there. Nope, it's a baby.

Anyway, seeing that little person really was emotional for me. It started out when I got in the car to go down there. I couldn't stop crying. I even called my bff to warn her that I was so emotional and allow her the opportunity to jump ship. She said the sweetest thing, "Why would I jump ship on you? You have never jumped ship on me." I just want to be sensitive to where she is in her journey of loss and grief. Because, the fact of the matter is that the last ultrasound the two of us went to was for her Baby Blues. I was a little overcome by this. But, once I got myself together, it was a beautiful time. The 3d ultrasound was amazing, allowing us the opportunity to see that little one in a new kind of clarity. To see him/her wiggling about the screen caused the tears to return. And, more than anything, I think that this allowed me to feel a connection with this baby that I hadn't yet allowed myself to experience.

Thank you Lord for the miracle of life.

Voting Day

2008-11-04T17:17:00.000-08:00

Voting day took on a whole new meaning in our home this year. We have always taken our right to vote seriously. But, after serving in a country where it's people were under a terrorist regime, Major Hunk has a newfound passion for our electoral process. As for me, I feel as though after the sacrifices that our family made to help ensure our freedom, I would be a fool to take this liberty for granted. And, even more so, I feel that because other families have made ultimate sacrifices for our freedoms, it would be a shame not to get out there and exercise our freedom to vote.

We could not go as a family, because I forgot to transfer my voter registration. Oops. So, I took the Cutie and trekked over to our previous polling place. I was so excited to share this experience with her. She was oh-so-excited to go and vote. (Even though she had no idea what that meant.) She got up there in the voting booth with me and "voted" on my scrap paper and she helped me feed my ballot into the machine. She also got a sticker. (Even though I could tell they were a little annoyed that I wanted one for her AND one for me.) She enjoyed voting so much that she asked if we could go vote again later in the day. I hope this experience helps her to shape her love for voting and the process that so many fight to protect even as we speak.

No matter how this election turns out, I will rest in the knowledge that our God has known the outcome long before these candidates ever dreamed of the presidency. Nothing surprises Him. Thank God for that.

**So, I just learned from my local news channel that it is illegal to take any pictures or photos of your ballot. And while I hadn't written on it yet, I am still inherently a rule follower, so I had to take down the picture of my Cutie "voting".** Ooops.

Rock the Vote

2008-11-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful for the privilege to vote. It's hard for me to understand why people don't use this freedom. I guess it's just too easy to take things for granted.

I decided early this morning that I would take both kids to vote. It is THAT important to me. I want my boy and girl to know that we have a responsibility for our voices to be heard. In fact, I think it more important than who actually wins this election.

Most of all, on this day of uncertainty, I am grateful that there is One who already knows the outcome of the election. He will not be alarmed, and He promises me His peace. That's something I will vote yes for every time!

Thanks, Kids.

2008-11-03T11:29:00.000-08:00

I have some fun kids. And I am so thankful for them. Without them, I would probably have some boring, unfulfilling office job. Nice things, but not nearly as much laughter. More sanity, but less celebration in the small stuff.

My big 6 year old - she's a hoot. She is always trying to use big words in her everyday discussions. It makes me laugh! I am thankful that she is a HORRIBLE liar. I am thankful that I get to be with her each day and that I am the one who gets to teach her so many things. She has such a sweet, tender heart. I love that about her. I am thankful that she wants to do better at things she struggles with (reading, jumping rope). She enjoys the everyday special moments. She loves her family and friends. She is quick to defend her brother. She says cute things like, "pretend I'm autism," when wanting to do his speech drills. I am most thankful that she loves the Lord and desires to serve Him.

My big little guy...I am thankful that he is part of our family. He has made each one of us better people. I am thankful that this past year has brought great successes for him. Dirty Job is now talking in phrases and sentences!!! He loves to be sneaky and laughs when deliberately disobeying...not good in the future, but I am so thankful for it right now. It is the cutest. I am thankful when it's time for bed and he says, " No, mommy's bed." I am thankful that he wants to hug people when they are sad. He loves music with his therapist, and love animals and cars. I love how he uses his imagination when playing. I am so thankful that he is growing and breaking the mold of what his diagnosis says he is.

These two are my heart and I am so privileged to be their mommy.

I am thankful. I am blessed.

"Blessing is bowing down to receive the expressions of divine favor that in the inner recesses of the human heart and mind make life worth the bother." Beth Moore

"I am frump girl"

2008-11-03T00:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I was getting ready for church, finding myself once again standing in my closet. If you know me, you know that I am not super stylish. In fact, thinking of me when you read that phrase may have caused you to giggle out loud. That's ok. I'm not offended.

But, pregnancy has brought with it a new level to my frumpiness. I'll spare you the details and just share that I walked out of my bedroom and declared to our roomie, "After church, I am buying a cute pair of maternity jeans that actually fit me." Now, I struggle because this may not be the wisest way to spend money right now when it's at a premium. And, I do happen to own a giant maternity wardrobe, more so than my regular wardrobe. But, most of said maternity clothes are a least one size too big, and it seems to have brought out some serious insecurities that I didn't even know that I had. Any idea what it does for your look when you add extra material to your newly bulging midsection? Not good.

So after church, we ate some mexican food. (Also, not good for my bulging midsection.) After mexican food, I was so tired. I almost forewent the shopping trip. But, Old Navy was right across the street so I persevered, with a little encouragement from the roomie. I picked up a few things, grabbed my whiny toddler, and headed to the fitting room. Let me just say that I let out an audible sigh when I slipped on those pants. I wasn't even phased that my half naked child kept opening the door to expose my half-naked, daily-changing pregnant self to the sweet, young employees. (Sorry for that, but hopefully the Lord can use it to encourage abstinence to teens in our area.) Those are some impressive pants, people.

I feel a little vain and maybe even a little selfish, but those jeans seriously turned my day around. Next, I am going to ask my hubby to take me out on a date so I can debut my well-fitting, cute new pants :)

November?

2008-11-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that November is already here. I think part of the problem is that we are STILL running our a/c around these parts. Hello, weather? Get on board and give us some FALL!

Because Thanksgiving is the middle child in the "Trio o' Holidays," and I am a middle child (shocking, I know...I don't have ANY middle child quirks) I'd like to take some time this month and really consider some things that I am thankful for. I hope to add here and there throughout the month.

THANKFULS

I have an amazing husband who goes above and beyond to provide for our family so that I can stay home. And I mean it when I say above and beyond. He does less than desirable odd jobs, and he does it with a servants heart.

He loves our children well. He is always commenting on how great he thinks they are. My guy enjoys playing with them and makes an effort to be a part of their lives and their activities. He went to What Not To Wear's costume parade yesterday and made sure she saw him several times before he left, even though he was on a very tight schedule.

My guy is not too proud to admit when he is wrong. He wants to grow as a person and recognize his shortcomings. And he wants to lead other guys in that journey as well. I love that about him!

My man loves me "for better or worse." He leads gently, affirms often and puts up with my shenanigans. And he helps keep up the house.

I am so thankful that the Lord gave me him.

A Yes and A No...Maybe

2008-10-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

So, if you know me in actual life (and I'm pretty sure I've made mention of it on the blog), you know that for the past year or so, I have been on board to have a third child. Me. Not my Hubs. And in this family, having a child takes two yes' or an overrule by the Lord.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I really felt the Lord prompting me to lay down that desire. And few days after that, I had really let it go. I then proceeded to console myself with all things practical: we still have so much to focus on with Dirty Job, a third would stretch us even further time wise, financially, etc, I want to go back to school, and even really shallow things like our desire to take a 10 year anniversary cruise next year came to mind. And Cpt is pregnant, so I can snuggle and love on her baby.

So, last week, before the kids and I left for our visit to the grandparents, Hubs shared a lovely sentiment. It went something like this, "I think we should have a third." (That's the abbreviated version). And while my face couldn't stop smiling, my head about exploded with the bomb that was dropped.

I can't even begin to share everything going through my mind. His yes brings up so many questions. And my thoughts are a wee bit out of control about all of it. Where I used to feel ok about having some "control" over whether or not we were going to try to have another, my heart isn't sure how it feels about that philosophy since Baby Blues left us. So as I search God's Word for answers, and pray about our decision, I also ask Him for peace. I feel confident that I can receive the Lord's "yes" or "no," as long as I have Him.

Party at Grammy and Poppa's (Or how I ate my weight in Pineapple Whip)

2008-10-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hello...White Rabbit...are you in there?

I am IN LOVE

The kids and I went to visit my parents this past (long) weekend. I picked up What Not To Wear from school about an hour early, and her teacher answered their door asking me if we were going to Disneyland. I told her I didn't think so, and gave my girl a look.

Apparently she and Grams have been in negotiations over a Disney visit, and by "negotiations" I mean my girl asked and her Grammy said of course. 1st grandchild typically gets what she asks for.

Long story short, we went to CA Adventure and Disneyland for 3 days straight. It was a total blast, but the trip was in NO WAY relaxing. We got to ride a ton of rides, and Dirty Job hit past the 42" mark this trip, so he got to add more adventure to his riding schedule!

More excitingly, my favorite sweets shop (the one next to Winnie the Pooh Ride) in Disneyland now carries CUPCAKES in small, medium, and large...SO FUN. SO YUM. Also, I had Dole's Pineapple Whip every day we were there. Complete deliciousness.

Even better than that (I didn't think it could GET better), I got to be with my nephew on his first Disney trip. I could just eat that boy up, I love him so. He had my ovaries flip flopping (which is NOT good - but that's another post), and I just miss him so much. He is a total cutie pie and such a joy to be with. I wanted to pack him UP.

We don't do Fall in these parts.

2008-10-27T17:01:00.000-07:00

After today, this is very clear to me. I wish I had a picture of our adventure to the pumpkin patch. Bff and I took the freak show to the pumpkin patch today. It was one of those where you walk out into the field and pick your pumpkin. Slim pickens being that we waited until Oct 27. But, the kids didn't really care.

So I give them the big rule, "Only pick a pumpkin that you can carry, because we can't carry it for you." Dirty Jobs immediately picks up a large pumpkin and stumbles his way through the rest of the pumpkin patch. This worked out well for me, because it gave me an advantage in keeping up with him on the rough terrain. Dinoboy and What Not to Wear are in a contest as to who can find the more perfect pumpkin. Cutie mostly screamed at everyone because she couldn't keep up.
5 of the 6 of us were wearing flip flops with one wearing crocs. Two kids are in pajamas and the rest of us are in shorts. Clearly, we were wearing our best fall gear to tackle the pumpkin fields. But, have I mentioned that we live on the surface of the sun? And even on Oct 27, it is still shorts and flip flops weather.

Everyone found a pumpkin that they liked. In the meantime, Bff began itching from the field grass, Cutie lost her shoes in the shuffle and got little stickers in her feet and the biggest two were sure that we all knew that their pumpkins were the very best.

It was a super fun time in which many memories were made.

This is the good stuff.

Always on time

2008-10-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at church, I felt such refreshing to my spirit. During worship, I was reminded that our God is always right on time. Even when we doubt His timing, it is always perfect. In fact, I believe it is especially when we doubt, that He makes it clear that He is right on time.

I have been living in worry. Now, in the world's eyes, I have much to worry about. But, I have One who lives in me that transcends worry. And frankly, I haven't been acting like it. I have been carrying my worry around in my back pocket. I ignore it much of the time, but lately, as times get harder, I pull it out and look at it. I talk to it, I stare at it, I practically hug it's neck. Friends and family like to pull it out as well, and remind me of my situation.

But, this morning, I laid it at His feet. I was reminded of His promise to never leave me or forsake me. So, I left it there. And I felt a lightness that I haven't felt in a while.

Now, 17hours later, I am awakened in the middle of the night, and worry has again flooded my soul. I am throwing myself at His feet begging Him for that peace that transcends understanding. Because, honestly, I can't understand right now. I can't see a way. But, I know that is when the miracles come.

Friends, please pray with me that I can leave this worry there. That I will trust Him, more than I will see our circumstances. And, more than anything else, that this experience will remind me of God's sovereignty.

Right.on.time.

I will be clinging to these verses for a while:
Hebrews 13:5. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Phillipians 4:7. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Pictures from the Zoowalk

2008-10-21T14:25:00.001-07:00

These were the best zoowalkers out of the bunch. Minus one. One friend no longer wanted to feel as if the paparazzi were up in his space. Dirty Job had some supportive friends!

My hubs was so proud that our team name was printed on the shirt for raising over $1,000. Go team!!!

Quit messin'

2008-10-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

This pregnancy thing is messing with my head. I know that every pregnancy is different, and I believe that, but apparently, somewhere in the dark crevices of my mind, I didn't. With Cutie, I felt good, could eat what I wanted and I carried her small up until the last few months (when I blew up like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man).

Well, enter baby #2... Trace amount of cheese has me nauseous all day. And my stomach, it is a temperamental thing. Even water makes me nauseous...sometimes. I ate a bagel for breakfast yesterday, fine. Today, not so much. Now, I am really trying not to complain, because this baby is a blessing and the nausea signals a strong pregnancy, but this is my blog, and at Crying Moms, we will cry if we want to :) Frankly, the stomach is an annoyance, but I can deal.

However, last night, my hubs was taking me out for a date night. (This is the part where it starts messing with me.) I am standing in our closet, tearing through each and every pair of pants I own. Major Hunk walks in as I am sliding (err, stuffing) myself into the last pair. He looks at me and says, "I love you, but that is not going to work. Can I get your maternity clothes from the garage?" I concede. But, I was seriously mad about it. Not at him, but at my body for rebelling at such an early point. I slipped on some cute maternity jeans, thanks to my friend, T and her three pregnancies. I really did feel better. Except that I am still holding onto a little animosity that I am wearing maternity pants only 2 weeks after finding out I am pregnant.

So go ahead and leave me comments telling me that it's completely normal, I am not some pregnant circus freak, and that it will level off at some point and I am not destined to weigh 742 pounds at the end of this...

Because, what are friends good for, if they won't lie to you when you need it.

Totally kidding.

Well, mostly.

Zoowalkin'

2008-10-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

We woke up at the crack of dark this morning, for a very good reason. We did the Zoowalk, which is a fundraiser for the the Autism Research Institute and ASU. I am very, very excited to say that our team was able to raise over $1,300! GO TEAM!!!

This is our second year doing the walk. It's a very emotional event for me. I tear up watching groups pose for pictures. I also teared up while standing in the registration line to turn in our money and I shed a tear or two when I saw our team name printed on the Zoowalk shirt. All teams raising over $1,000 get printed on the shirt. My camera is broken, but some sweet friends who walked took some pictures. I will be posting some once I get them.

I'll share more later, but I just wanted to share my excitement and give a SHOUT OUT to all the people who gave, walked, prayed and celebrated not only my boy, but all kids with autism. Your support makes all the difference!

Have I mentioned?

2008-10-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

My little girl is getting so big. My husband says I always say that. But really, look at the proof.
The bottle: so 2 years ago.
The crib: At least a year ago.
Onesies: a thing of the past.
And, in the past few months, she has completely given up diapers and even, her last holdout, the binky.

Those were the last "baby" things that she had. It makes me a little nostalgic. But, my baby, well, she's not a baby anymore. She got all my first parenting moments. She's the one who was there with me for my very first day of on-the-job-training. (Sorry about that Cutie.) Oh the tears, they seemed non-stop. And she cried too.

And I guess I need to try to stop calling her my baby, since that title will soon belong to another.

Yep, we're pregnant.

Shopping anyone?

2008-10-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

I just pulled out Dirty Jobs winter wear. I had already passed some of it along when I had packed it up, so I had only saved what I thought may fit him this fall.

Silly, silly me.

There's not even a little chance that he'll be wearing anything in that box. Unless, of course, midriff shirts and capris are in style for the 3 year old boy circuit.

Maybe in Europe, but not a chance in this family.

a random update

2008-10-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

As you read in the previous post, I was out of town last week. So rather than an all too lengthy post, I thought I would give you a quick update instead.

You're welcome.

So many thanks to the Racer for offering to keep the Cutie for a whole week while we were away. Even more thanks for loving her while we were gone. Your family is precious and so generous to welcome her to be a part of it. And so many thanks for the encouragement in getting her off the binky. This has been a huge sigh of relief in our home!
This is one special girl I have. She pretty much potty trained herself and decided she was done with the binky. Apparently, lazy parenting can pay off if your child has the right personality :)
As for the above, I am totally kidding. I know that she just has one of those personalities where she won't even consider doing something until it is her own idea. I wonder where she gets that from...
The training we were at last week allows my husband and I to begin teaching a really wonderful curriculum to other couples at marriage retreats through our military branch. We were blessed to attend such retreat as participants, and are very excited to be given the opportunity to teach it to others.
My bff is really amazing. She has had to face life in ways that I hope no one else ever has to. Yet, she still has enough grace and love to share with the many around her. She is beautiful inside and out.
Just when I was starting to feel as though I have a handle on my two new, part-time commitments, I will begin working part time at our state fair this week. That along with some new developments should send me back into the state of overwhelmed. But, it's ok, because I may get some extra time with the bff this month.
As last, but possibly the most important, is a fashion update. In case you were needing an outfit to wear to your local fair this year, the Cutie has a suggestion:

In case you can't quite make out what you are seeing, she is wearing some really colorful tights, her pink croc-like shoes, her bathing suit (of course), and a hoodie for warmth.
It's quite possibly her most memorable ensemble to date. We were turning lots of heads.

I hope I left you with a smile.

The + One Factor

2008-10-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Cpt Mom is away. And I have her girl. I am having an absolute blast with her. She is sassy as all get out...and when I say sassy, I mean it in the cutest, most adorable way.

Cutie is all sorts of big. Tomorrow, we are having a too big for the binkie party. Cupcakes with pink sprinkles are on the menu. She threw one of her binkies in the trash today. I thought I'd have to fish it out of the garbage tonight. Nope. She was only sad for a short while this evening, never asking for her binkie, but rather for her mom. It was completely precious.

Having her here is so much fun. It is such a great reminder to cherish every moment with my children. They were once her age, and now...well, they are big.

As Cpt tackles the business world this week, I'll be tackling 3 kids. While she has to restock her wardrobe because of lost luggage, I get to throw on my gym clothes and play at the park. Don't get me wrong, not even a little...what Cpt is doing this week is VERY important. VERY valid. VERY needed. VERY MUCH of the Lord. I'm just lucky I get to fill in the gap with her Cutie and be reminded of how amazing my own two are as well. My heart is very, very full.

Do you prefer Fall or Autumn?

2008-10-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but when I think Fall, I think of colorful leaves, pumpkins, long sleeved shirts, brisk air and hot drinks.

I just discovered that Fall officially began Sept 23. Umm, I don't remember exactly what I did on Sept 23, but I am certain that it didn't include any of those things. In fact, it is safe to say it included things like air-conditioning, shorts and large Sonic drinks over ice.

Yesterday I was at the Racer's house and I said, "It is not even hot outside, I am going to take the kids to the park." She said, "I know, I turned off the air conditioner." So, as you can see, we are finally getting a taste of this thing called Autumn.

Oh, in case you were wondering ... It was 93 degrees here yesterday.

In God I Trust.

2008-10-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard, we are in some economic hardship these days. And, if you hadn't heard, please go ahead and crawl out of the cave you have been living in.

I was having a conversation with my husband recently about the possibility of a bailout plan. Now, I don't claim to actually know what all this means or entails. I have only heard a few analyst's opinions as to what this could mean for our economic future. One of them is we will suffer from inflation. The other is we could end up in a depression. As I thought about these two options, two thoughts entered my mind: 1. I am so glad my Gramma is not here to see this. 2. What would a depression in this country actually look like?

As for #1: My grandmother lived through the Great Depression. Once into more stable economic times, my gramma began stocking up on all things imaginable, just in case. She had a basement full of things. Freezers full of food. The only thing she didn't buy in bulk was toilet paper. One basement flood years before brought that life lesson. Of course, in my youth, I thought she was a little overboard. But, once she shared her stories, it was understood. It didn't matter how crazy people thought she was, my gramma was never going to be caught in a situation where she and her family didn't have food to eat. I think, if she were alive today, she would have much fear. I am thankful that she is with the Lord now. I wonder if He gets to hear her stories now?

As for #2: I have a difficult time trying to figure what people mean when they talk about a modern day depression. Do they mean like in the 1930's? When people struggled to survive. When some even died. Because if this is where our country is headed, I think we will have, well, approximately 3 billion people who are going to be surprised. We live in a country where many people live paycheck to paycheck. Even those who are struggling financially often have a car, home, cell phones and food. As a whole, we don't know how to grow our own food, do laundry by hand, or hunt and gather for our meals. So, based on the stories of my gramma, I wonder, "What would a depression in America in the 21st century look like?"

Now, don't get me wrong: I am hoping to never find out.

But, wherever our country is headed, I am going to trust the only One who can get us through it.

The Lord has provided greatly for our family. He is not swayed by the economy. I know He will continue to provide even when that means we have to make sacrifices. Thank you, Lord for your faithfulness.

A shopping we will go...

2008-10-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

I took the Cutie and another little girly-girl with me to the grocery store this morning. It was going so well, I decided to tackle another store where I prefer the produce. You know the kind, an all-natural type place. Their produce is good and it's cheaper as well. Wednesday is double ad day, so they honor this week and last week's sales. Wednesdays are always crowded. And it is usually frequented by the over-60 crowd at 10am.

I have had many an experience at this store where I feel like the grandparently types are judging me as if their kids were nothing but perfect angels. There's not a lot of room between aisles and my girl tends to wander a little. She always stays close by, but tends to look at the ground when she walks. This causes her to walk in from of other's carts on a regular basis. It has warranted us many a dirty looks.

All this background to say that all the grandparently types we met today were all so sweet to me and the girls. The Cutie was again wearing her bathing suit (inside out for a different look) and of course, carrying her purse. Many stopped to talk to the girls and a gentleman in a wheelchair asked them to come over by him so he could talk to them. As we made a mad dash with our cart for a potty trip, I was trying to juggle both girls and my purse and get the cart out of the way, etc. A sweet little gramma headed over and held the door open so I could assist one without dragging everything else in with us. She then told me about her own little girls who have now grown up and made her a gramma to 8.

It was such a sweet exchange. And a productive grocery trip.

A successful day, for sure!

The Days in Which I Thought My World May ACTUALLY Fall Apart (or Part 4)

2008-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I walked out of our appointment for Dirty Job (who was then not quite 2) in a whole different place than when I walked in. It's bizarre how one sentence can turn your world upside down. I'm not sure how I drove after that. That's probably a good thing.

The reaction of those we shared with was, well, interesting. It varied from denial to I knew it to everything in between. Cpt Mom shared with me that Dirty Job was the same child he was December 18th. That was probably my most clung-to statement of that time period. I would stare at my sweet boy and will myself to remember that he was, in fact, our same little boy...the same fun-loving, sweet, playful guy.

One thing I almost immediately felt was guilt - and it was two-fold. First, I felt guilty for allowing Dirty Job to have the MMR shot. Questions flooded my mind - could I have CAUSED this? What kind of mother brings harm to her child? Woven within these personal accusations was an affirmation that the Lord sits on the throne, not me. Whatever part I did or did not have in all of this still was ultimately decided by God. As the story continues, I had to face these questions.

The second thing I felt guilty about was all the dreams I had for Dirty Job. As his mom, I had dreams of him playing football (side note: I was anti-my-boy-playing-football until I realized his hugeness) or baseball, going to all his games and cheering him on. I had dreams of him being a world changer, a defender of the defenseless, a protector of his older sister - and his own family. I had unconsciously assigned so many expectations to my little guy. And it felt horrible ~ who was I to dream things for him? Why did I think I had the authority to do such a thing? The very same day of Dirty Jobs diagnosis, we had a dinner date with some friends, a dinner date that we should have, you know, canceled. They were engaged, no kids, living on love. And we were just handed what felt like a death sentence. I expressed my remorse over my ridiculous dreams, and my husband's friend offered up words of compassion. He shared that he didn't think it was wrong to have dreams for our children. It's what parents do, because they love their children and want good things for them. It was such a moment of affirmation in the storm. I don't even know if at the time I really digested what he was saying, but it's a statement that has stuck with me over all this time.

We hosted Christmas with my family that year. The only year we've done it. A lot of that is a blur. Some of it I remember. My parents got Dirty Job a train table with the track and trains and 237 pieces. I remember staring at Dirty Job to see if he was playing appropriately with the train, or if he was just spinning the wheels and watching. He was playing with it appropriately and LOVING it. I remember looking for stimming - which in case you don't know what that is (I DIDN'T) is self-stimulating behavior ~ things such as hand flapping, head banging, clapping, waving your hand in front of your face, etc. The only thing our guy did was "dance a little jig" when he was excited. It didn't seem abnormal at all.

My parents thought the developmental pediatrician was a nutjob. My sister had already researched autism before the diagnosis (I was pretty pissed about that). My brother and sister in law made observations over the time they were here at Christmas, often saying he didn't demonstrate autistic behaviors outside of the lack of speech.

We didn't have Rainman on our hands. So how could he be autistic?

Christmas 2006 ~ 6 days after diagnosis.

The post in which we get all handy...

2008-09-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the Racer came over to help me hang some oh-so-cute border in my kitchen. Well, in a moment of brilliance, I decided we should measure to be sure we had enough. Thank goodness we did, or my kitchen would be 10 feet short of completion. And that, my friends, would drive my very detail-oriented husband to the brink of insanity. (As if having me as a wife does have him teetering there anyway:) So, I ordered another package and decided we would have to tackle that another day.

But, instead of losing the opportunity of free labor, we pressed on and found a different project. I am a low-risk kind of girl, so this was a big step for me. We went to our local Lowe's. Yes, even after we said we would be happy to never step foot in there again...

Ok, you are probably wondering what this post is really supposed to be about. Sorry, I have a problem keeping on track. All this wandering to tell you that we tackled a project for BooMama's Before and After Challenge. We added some color to my many shades of brown living room. Yay!

I was really leery about taking such a bold step (remember, low risk girl): I was concerned that Major Hunk would hate it (he doesn't care for bold color) and the fact that somehow, in my 33 years, I have never actually rolled paint on a wall. I was nervous. But, the Racer, she was all kinds of confident. And she promised to help me paint it back to our safe tan color if we hated it.

So, here you have it...

Before:

After:

I am planning to paint that orangey mantle, a rich chocolate brown color. I just couldn't get it done before today.

And I give you...

2008-09-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

The Racer and I took Dirty Jobs and Cpl Cutie out for mexican food last week. Kids eat free, we had no choice. Anyway, while we were there, a nice man gave our kids each a sombrero. When I took this picture, my first thought was, "They look like honeymooners in Mexico."

Yes, that is her swimsuit she just happens to be wearing. Not because we went swimming, but just because she likes to wear it.

Progress

2008-09-20T00:36:00.000-07:00

That would be me. On the right. Next to Ebo (from Contender...LOVED that show). Don't mind the fact that I was ridiculously happy. Ebo was my favorite that season.

Running the 1/2 marathon in January 2007. I use the term running loosely. This was 2 months before Cpt and I decided that we needed to get a grip.

Me on the right again. Next to my fitness hero and all around wonderful friend. Please note the chubberificness of my face.

Sometimes it's important to revisit the past. And remember that the journey is worth it. And that not just in eating...

You Know You've Missed the Random

2008-09-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

Because my brain is numb...a list.

Step BASICS would imply that the class is, you know, basic. Let me clarify. Step BASIC means This Step Class Will BASICALLY Kick Your Butt.

Speaking of butts, my (our) teacher of many classes at the gym (not step basics) has a butt that I covet. There. I said it. She's just the cutest, fittest, sweetest girl. And I have a sagging rump.

What Not To Wear (6) is reading. Like, really reading. I thought the struggle with reading would be the end of our relationship. I'm so thankful for excellent K and 1st grade reading teachers.

Dirty Job (3) says, "No school, stay house," nearly everyday he has preschool. Apparently, he doesn't like the fact that the expectations are higher now that he can talk.

I called Cpt Mom after church tonight and the Cutie (2) answered. I asked "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping," and she replied with roaring laughter. It was hysterical.

This post was so extremely encouraging to me.

Biggest Loser season premiered last night. I made brownies to celebrate.

Hubs and I have been shopping for a car. I DETEST car shopping in ways I never thought possible.

My friend had a baby. And that baby makes my ovaries ache. Or at least she did until her mom reminded me about feeling like a milk cow.

Alrighty, I'm off to bed.

checkin' in

2008-09-16T00:24:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been over a week, so I think I better check in for some accountability. Sorry to bore you all with my weight loss journey, but it's where I am at. I thought it was getting boring to write about, so I stopped. Consequently, I also stopped losing weight and doing the things I needed to do to get healthy. So, feel free to skip this post if it bores you.

These were my goals:

cut soda consumption down to one a day. umm, not so good here.
exercise at least 4 times. consistently 3 times per week.
take measurements so I can track inches lost as well as pounds. I did it.

Alright, so I made it halfway with my goals. Things I have done well:

Had four straight days of tracking my points and staying within my daily points.
Drank 4 to 8 glasses of water per day.
Have taken an assortment of aerobic classes and have loved some of them. I really get excited about going to the gym for some of these classes. (quite miraculous for me)

Things I still need to work on:

Continuing all of the above goals.
Cutting down on soda.
Getting to a weight watchers meeting every week.

Since I have been exploring different exercise styles over the past few weeks, I am wondering, "What else is out there?" What types of things do you like to do to get your exercise on? Leave me a comment.

One Tuesday morning

2008-09-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001. A day that changed the face of our country and the lives of those living here. I remember feeling like I was in a daze for a week after. The safety and security I had always felt had been shaken. I was a first grade teacher at the time. I remember having to look into those innocent faces and try to explain to them that there is evil in the world. A fact that, until that point, most of them had never been confronted with before. I was stunned.

The following year I was engaged to a soldier and we were discussing wedding dates. We were also discussing death benefits and wills, just in case. We knew that it was looking like our country may go to war, which meant a potential deployment in our future. I was proud.

The following year we married. We bumped our wedding date up 3 months due to the fact that Major Hunk's unit had been activated. We got married on 5 days notice with our families blessings. One month later I sat on the couch with my new husband and watched the "shock and awe" attack that began this war on terror. I sat there trying to let the reality sink in. My husband of one month could leave for war on 24 hours notice. I could become a widow at age 27.
The reality was that his unit was deactivated by the end of that year and it became a waiting game. I was scared.

As the next few years passed, we went on with our lives. Living in such a way that denied, once again, that evil exists in our world. I was always waiting, watching for the signs that would tell us it was time for him to go. The soldier in him wanted to go. The husband in him didn't want to leave me. The patriot in me wanted him to go and serve our country, to use the training he had acquired over the past 13 years. The wife in me wanted to hide my head and not answer the phone, ever again. I was conflicted.

It wasn't until 2005 that we began hearing that he would be deployed within the year. I did the mature thing and didn't tell anyone. Because isn't it proven fact that if you don't talk about something, then it won't happen? Well, that theory was blown out of the water. When he got his orders, I was about 7 months pregnant with our daughter. We had to tell our family. I made it through Christmas and Cpl Cutie's birth. My post-partum period was out of control. I was in denial.

2006 and 2007 were consumed by deployment training and in-theater service. My life changed in ways I never imagined. But, I hope one thing will stick with me from this time: I hope I never again take our country's freedom for granted. My husband looked evil in the face. He saw things that I didn't even know existed. And I am certain that he saw things that he will never discuss with me. In 2008, he returned home to me safely. I was relieved.

So, seven years later, I have more gratitude for our country and the freedoms that it stands for. I love my family deeper than I knew I could. And I have such a deep rooted respect for the military families who serve our country selflessly. And to those who have lost a loved one in this fight for freedom: I have a gratitude that I can't even express for the sacrifice. It was not in vain. I am grateful.

September 11th : You changed my life. I will always remember.

Oh two and three-quarters...

2008-09-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

...you are so fickle. This age is turning out to be a little challenging for this mama. My girl is well-tuned into my annoyances and seems to be jumping all over them. She is still the tender-hearted, fun loving little girl who makes me laugh. But, now she is discovering a little something called free will. She has discovered that she can assert herself by yelling and hitting. And the whining, oh the whining. It is driving me crazy. It seems to reach epic proportions some days.

Thankfully, I know that this is just a stage and that it will pass. In a book I have been reading, they say, "It is your job to enforce the boundaries, it is the child's job to test them." So, I just keep reminding myself: She is just doing her job.

And most importantly, she is still the same little girl who rocks my world. She is the one who made me a mama. She is the one who officially changed my career path. And she is the one who my God has entrusted me with. So, when the frustrations come, I try to focus on the fact that in 3 minutes, we could be playing happily again. When the tantrum passes, she will most likely curl up in my lap for some cuddles. Oh, two and three-quarters...you are so fickle.

Did somebody say birthday??

2008-09-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

To celebrate my birthday this year, my husband gave me a most unselfish gift. He sent me and a few friends to a resort for a little weekend getaway. He rented the hotel room and then we were able to plan whatever we wanted to do from there. It was a blast.

Friday evening, we packed up the Bff's car, picked up the Racer and were on our way. We found some grown up tunes...the children's cds were banished. That's right, we were giddy with freedom! We checked into the hotel room and change our clothes. Then it was off to dinner. We settled in for a dinner of no high chairs where we ate this salad:
It really didn't have a fighting chance.

We drove around looking for some delicious dessert worthy of birthday celebration. We decided on a place that the Racer had previously eaten some most delicious chocolateness. We got there and they no longer carried her dessert. The other desserts we ordered were mediocre at best. This caused the Racer to announce, "Carraba's, you are DEAD to me," as we drove out of the parking lot. I have no idea where WNTW gets her flair for the drama.

Saturday began with a shower. A shower in which no one tried to peek in or leave the bathroom door open allowing all the steam to escape. The luxuries were endless, I tell you. My sister in law met us and we headed out for massages. All of us but the Bff. She has an aversion to the touching. I had a most interesting massage where the masseuse instructed me to blow the excess air "out my feet". I was unable to do so. But, all the while I was thinking of that Thai Crunch Salad. I know, I have a problem. So, we headed back to CPK for some more delicious salad. After much grown up conversation in which no one screamed, bucked or refused to sit in their seat, we decided to head to a mall and walk around free from all the afore mentioned fun. Then it was off to Sprinkles for some cupcake heaven. I didn't even get a picture of those. If you are familiar with my love of Sprinkles, you will know be pleased to know that they did not disappoint.

This is where we hit an impasse. High on cupcakes and frosting we could not formulate a plan for the evening. After stumbling around the city for a while, we finally decided on some karaoke.
The Racer and I were sent in to assess the situation. One listen to the white guys rapping and we gave it the all clear. After much deliberation, we finally decided on a song that all four of us knew. About 2 hours in, two other girls sang our song and we had to make a new choice. Oh, the injustice. We decided on Pat Benetar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot. Here is a sweet picture, complete with air guitar.
As you can tell, it was a blast.

In all this fun, I almost forgot to mention that I got my haircut as a gift from my sister in law. When he first cut those bangs, I thought, "What have I done???" But, I love it and so did everyone else. At least that's what they tell me...

Many thanks to Major Hunk for a very special birthday celebration. He is clearly the man for me. He loves me with a passion and takes amazing care of our family. He speaks my love languages loud and clear and I love him so. Thanks for the fun birthday memories.

Captain Mom IS a Superhero

2008-09-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

It's someone's birthday here on the blog. And here are the reasons I heart her.

She lets me talk about Big as if I know her.
She's an expert on random communication.
She's and excellent listener. Even when I interrupt 17 times.
She values the importance of Sonic happy hour as much as I do.
She loves her family fiercely.
She knows that a good jean CAN make the world a better place.
She is extremely witty.
She will go see a 10pm movie with me on a Tuesday and not think twice about it.
She can season a popcorn bag with the perfect mix of nacho cheddar and white cheddar. That is no easy feat, my friends.
She understands that the popcorn at one theatre is better than the popcorn at another theatre.
She always takes something from the sermon...and applies it.
She makes beautiful babies.
She let me call her no less than 17,000 times after Dirty Job was diagnosed with autism. And she was on vacation with her husband who was about to leave for war.
She understands the need to dialogue through The Biggest Loser.
She also understands the need for dessert during the same show.
She has cable.
She doesn't care when my house looks like a tornado blew through.
She loves people more than presentation.
She got her child to potty train herself. She needs to write that book!
She hates politics as much as I do, but still lets me talk it out.
She knows that some days should be ETB days.
I never feel judged by her. Even on my worst days.
She understands social awkwardness.
She balances truth and grace.
She's pretty.
She knows that shoes make all the difference in an outfit.
She agrees with me that Coach purses are ridiculous. I know, throw things at us now.
She's always up for a spontaneous road trip.
She goes to Cardio Sculpt on her birthday.
She encourages me to be a better mom and wife.
She has a heart for people with special needs. And has passed that heart along to her daughter. What a legacy.
She understands that everyone has T-rex days. And g.l.a.m.o.r.ous days.
She is transparent.

Join in the birthday wishes for my friend!!!